Thursday, November 15, 2018

Longbox Junk - Silver Surfer: Parable

With the recent passing of Stan "The Man" Lee, it's inevitable that there will be a flood of tributes complete with lists of great characters, classic issues, and epic storylines. . .of which there are indeed many.  Stan Lee was a prolific writer with a great imagination and creative talent, and along with equally-talented collaborators such as Steve Ditko and Jack Kirby, he helped to create many of the characters that we know and love today.  

So of course we're going to hear about Spider-Man, The Fantastic Four and The X-Men.  We're going to hear about "This Man, This Monster" and "Spider-Man No More", among many other classic stories. . .and rightly so!  

BUT. . .

THIS is Longbox Junk.  And while I DO feel a need to try to pay a small amount of tribute to a man that stood larger than life as the outspoken and ever-present goodwill ambassador of comic books for. . .well. . .pretty much my entire life, I'm not one to reach for the low-hanging fruit.  

No. . .if I'm going to show my respect for Stan The Man, I'm going to dig a little deeper and go right past those well-known issues that are probably FAR beyond the budget of most comic collectors (outside of reprints and collections) and talk about a great Stan Lee story that can be found in original copy at quite an affordable price that will certainly be passed over by many collectors in favor of more "valuable" comics.

Rest In Peace Stan Lee.  You taught me that the value of comics isn't just measured in dollars.  I didn't know you, but I'll miss you, and the world will be a sadder place without you.

Let's do this!


MARVEL (1988)
SCRIPT: Stan Lee
PENCILS: Jean (Moebius) Giraud
COVERS: Jean (Moebius) Giraud


A little background first?

So from what I've read about this odd little two-shot, it came from a chance meeting of Stan Lee and French artist Moebius at a comic book convention.  They were in almost immediate agreement as to what character they should collaborate on and the issues were written using the "Marvel Method" of Stan Lee writing an outline and letting Moebius build the visuals around it, then Stan doing the finished dialogue and Moebius putting in the final touches (including the lettering).  

Moebius saw this project as a bit of a self-challenge, as he'd never worked on an actual mainstream superhero comic book before, and he had to make some changes to his art (in particular the coloring) to fit the newsprint the comics were printed on.  In an interview I read about this comic, Moebius claims it was one of the hardest projects that he'd worked on, as the color palette was extremely limited compared to what he was used to.

At the time of publication, this comic sold very well (It had a pretty high print run, which is probably why it can still be found in dollar boxes today) and was well enough regarded that it won the Eisner Award for best finite series. I find it strange that despite the good reception and critical accolades, it seems to be somewhat forgotten and certainly not very "valuable" to collectors today.

But enough about that.  Let's get into it!

The story goes like this:

A gigantic spaceship is sighted heading for Earth,  plunging the population into fear and panic.  When it lands, the huge figure of Galactus comes forth and demands that mankind worship him, and that their obedience to him will usher in a new age for the planet.

Almost overnight, religions spring up around Galactus, the primary one being led by Evangelist Colton Candell. . .who positions himself as the self-appointed prophet of Galactus.  As Galactus declares his followers worship him by throwing aside their laws and inhibitions and do as they will, the Earth quickly descends into chaos and anarchy.

The Silver Surfer, who has been living in exile (and disguised as a hobo for some reason) on Earth since Galactus' last visit, finally has enough of the chaos and decides it's time to confront Galactus and find out why he's returned when he previously vowed not to harm Earth or Mankind.

And that's pretty much it for the first issue.

It's a deceptively slim story. . .Godlike alien lands on Earth and demands obedience.  Mankind falls into chaos and religious fanaticism.  The forgotten hero decides to take a stand.  But despite the somewhat skeletal framework, there's quite a bit to chew on here.  

Basically, this first issue asks the question, "What would happen if (a) God was right THERE telling you what to do. . .even if it was against what you believe in?  Would you have the courage to resist, or would you just join the crowd and do what you were told to do?"

It's well written and Stan Lee steps outside of his usual bombastic superhero box to ask the reader some hard questions.  There's very little traditional "action" in this comic beyond a few scenes of Earth falling into chaos and rioting.  There's also no other superheroes on the scene of this worldwide event, which I found odd in light of Stan Lee being one of the creators of the modern connected "Comic Universe".  

Judging from the title, I'd venture to say that the oddly isolated nature of this story is meant to teach a lesson more than it is to entertain with superhero appearances.  An interesting departure from what one would expect from someone like Stan Lee, who usually revels in the extended Marvel Sandbox of heroes  he helped create.

The art was also somewhat unexpected.  I'm mostly familiar with Moebius through his "Blueberry" western series.  The lines are a lot thinner than in Blueberry. . .almost to the point that it looks like the work of a different artist.  That's not to say that it's bad by any means. . .the art on this issue is superb. . .it's just different than what I would think of from Moebius.  But then again, I don't have many other examples of his work to compare to beyond Blueberry (which is a great series.  If you haven't read it and you like western comics, you MUST read Blueberry!)

The thin lines, sparse backgrounds, and flat colors combine with very cinematic angles and an unusual lettering style to perfectly complement a story with hardly any traditional superhero action.  Moebius gives what is (in my extremely humble opinion) one of the WORST Marvel villain designs an actual presence, weight, and sense of size that is impressive. . .especially considering that we're talking about a giant purple-clad guy with a ridiculous hat.

Overall, this first issue was a great read.  Stan Lee took a skeletal narrative that can be summed up in 3 short sentences and fleshed it out with a surprising amount of thought-provoking dialogue.  Moebius took one of the most ridiculous Marvel villains and gave him a sense of size and power that makes you believe that he COULD throw mankind into chaos with a demand to be worshiped.  Together, the two of them have crafted a quite interesting comic.


Continuing directly from the first issue, the story goes like this:

The Silver Surfer confronts his former master and demands to know why Galactus has broken his vow not to attack Earth.  Galactus smugly informs his former herald that no vow has been broken, and that he has done nothing except allow humanity to destroy themselves by choosing to worship him as a God.
Silver Surfer decides to take his case to the people, but his pleas for humanity to not follow Galactus without question fall on deaf ears and the Surfer is attacked by the military for speaking against "God".  Their attacks do no harm and the Surfer doesn't retaliate, which makes Galactus angry enough that he takes up the battle with Silver Surfer himself.
As the battle between the Silver Surfer and Galactus rages across the city, it becomes clear to the onlookers that while Galactus has no care for the damage and destruction he is causing, the Surfer is trying his best to save bystanders caught up in the fight, even though they were attacking him only a short time ago.  
Finally, the sister of Galactus' self-proclaimed prophet is killed during the battle in full view of the world as the Surfer begs him to stop the destruction.  The "prophet" publicly denounces his "God" and the U.S. Air Force attacks Galactus, making him realize that his ruse is over and humanity no longer worships him.  Galactus ends his battle with Silver Surfer and leaves Earth. . .but not before promising to return again because he is eternal and man's memory is not.
In the aftermath of Galactus' short reign and his defeat, Silver Surfer is invited to the United Nations, where the leaders of the world now want HIM to be their God.  The Surfer is disgusted that mankind learned nothing from the recent events and purposely makes such impossible demands as a condition of his worship that the Surfer is immediately denounced as a tyrant.  As he leaves, only the former "prophet" of Galactus realizes that the Surfer sacrificed his chance to be a God for the greater good. . .but by then, the Surfer is gone and it's too late.
In the end, Silver Surfer is alone and hated by humanity.  He can only look down on the planet from space and wonder if it's worth protecting at all.  

The End.

Where the first issue is primarily concerned with setting up the conflict between Silver Surfer and Galactus, the second leans HARD into the religious aspects of the narrative, so your enjoyment of this part of the story will depend a lot on how you see panels such as this one:

As you can see, the religious allegories in this issue are not exactly subtle.  There are several layers to be found that question religious belief in general and organized religion specifically.  The title of this story is "Parable" and this second issue takes that to heart. . .giving us a battle between organized religion and  humanistic agnosticism in the guise of a fight between Silver Surfer and Galactus.

There are a lot of questions asked during the course of this issue, and the answers are mostly left up to the reader to decide.  It really shows a different side of Stan Lee than what is normally presented, and I can sort of see why this story generally flies under the radar even though it seems to be pretty well regarded.  It's a thoughtful story that (although it's a bit heavy handed, to tell the truth) asks the reader to look not only inside themselves, but at the world around them.  It doesn't ask "What would Jesus do?" but "What would YOU do?"


Basically, this is not so much a Silver Surfer vs. Galactus story as it is a parable illustrating the conflict between organized religion and humanistic agnosticism.  If that sentence made you grit your teeth a little, then this comic is probably not going to be for you.

BUT. . .

If you want to see a side of Stan Lee that isn't often on display,  paired up with one of Europe's finest artists for a one-time collaboration, then this story is definitely worth a look.

This is an unusual story, to be sure.  And it's not for everyone.  But you can feel the spirit of Stan Lee in this story as he uses the comic medium that he loved so much to give us the message that you don't need God to be good, you just need to be good to each other.  To me, that's as good a memorial to the late, great Stan "The Man" Lee as any.

Up Next. . .

Back to Longbox Junk business as usual.

Be there or be square!

Tuesday, November 13, 2018

Longbox Junk - Wolverine/Gambit: Victims

As far as Marvel is concerned, EVERYTHING is better with a little Wolverine in it.
Let's take a trip back to 1995 and put that theory to the test, shall we?


MARVEL (1995)
SCRIPTS: Jeph Loeb
COVERS: Tim Sale

The X-Men's Gambit travels to London to investigate the death of an old friend, one in a string of murders of women that seem to mirror those of Jack The Ripper. He quickly finds himself hunted by the police and running into fellow X-Man Wolverine. . .who can't explain why he's in London or why he's covered in blood. 

Not a bad start for this mini. The story hook of Wolverine possibly being a serial killer is a decent one, but it's pretty obvious that's not how this is going to play out. 

This issue is more of a Gambit comic, with Wolverine showing up only in the final couple pages and being told from Gambit's point of view. I like that the focus was more on Gambit investigating than on superheroics and punching through problems.

Tim Sale's art is really good on this issue. I'm a fan of Sale but he can sometimes get a bit over-impressionistic. Except for Gambit's face sometimes looking demonic or like a vampire, there's nothing holding this comic back from being a showcase for his dark and moody style. 

Overall, a great opening issue that makes me want to get right into the next one.


After Wolverine and Gambit escape from an elite anti-terrorist unit with the help of a mysterious and beautiful woman claiming to be working for Interpol and Nick Fury, they find themselves trapped in an underground maze of sewer tunnels. . . 

After a great opening issue, things take a turn for the worse with this second part.

It turns out that Gambit and Wolverine are being played for suckers in some sort of game being played by the villain Arcade and the mysterious woman (who turns out to be the daughter of the villain Mastermind), but the book is completely propped up with a series of coincidences and unexplained situations that lay a convoluted trail to the final villain reveal.

The art also takes a bit of a turn as well. . .while still generally good, Sale begins to indulge in some of his particular habits of over-exaggeration, with the features of Gambit becoming more gaunt and demonic and Wolverine becoming more bloated and muscular as the issue goes on.

Overall, I wouldn't call this issue BAD. . .I'd just say it's not as good as the first and showing signs of the typically worst parts of Loeb/Sale collaborations.


The villains Arcade and the New Mastermind manipulate the thoughts and memories of Wolverine and Gambit, forcing the heroes to fight each other. 

Not sure what Arcade and Mastermind's end game is, but Mastermind has the ability to manipulate memories, so most of this issue is Gambit flashing back to when he met the detective whose death he was investigating, and Wolverine married to Mariko and living happily in Japan.

Gambit manages to fight his way free and somehow is able to enter Wolverine's flashback in order to try and bring him back to the real world. . .all while the villains laugh evilly. 

Sales art swerves back to very strong here, with Wolverine's scenes in Japan being exceptionally good. . .but the story is a bit weak and riddled with holes. A cliche "heroes fight until they realize they're being used", then escape and villain beat-down for the next issue is obviously projected.

All in all, this third issue has some of the best art so far, but that great art is in service to a weak story that pretty much is nothing but setup for the finale.


When Mastermind discovers that she is being used by Arcade, the two villains turn on each other, giving Gambit and Wolverine the chance to escape captivity and bring their scheme to an end.

The final issue brings it all together in a hot mess of robot punching, deus ex machina, dangling plot threads, and things that have absolutely nothing to do with the previous 3 issues being extremely important to the conclusion.

The good news is that while the writing has been on a steady downward curve since the first issue, the art has been on an upward curve, with this issue having probably the best art in the set, especially the final scenes of Wolverine and Gambit in a graveyard discussing what happens next in their lives (SPOILER: They're both going to remain gloomy a$$holes for the time being).

Overall, this issue feels disconnected with the other 3. Instead of finishing up THIS story in a satisfactory way, it seems to want to set up future story threads. 

It wasn't until this issue that I realized the whole mini was ACTUALLY for the introduction of the New Mastermind to the Marvel Universe.

And here, I thought it was a Wolverine/Gambit teamup.


If I had to describe this mini-series in one word, it would have to be: Misleading.

On the surface, it obviously seems to be a Wolverine/Gambit teamup comic, but in reality it's the introduction of a new villain to the Marvel Universe (Mastermind II).  Of course, this doesn't become clear until the final issue.  By the time you realize the true purpose of the story, it's over with.   I'm not sure if that's extremely clever or just plain deceptive.

That aside, this mini is pretty forgettable.  The story is okay.  The art is pretty good.  Neither is great in any way.  There's nothing standing out as excellent or memorable. This mini is like a popcorn action movie that you forget the plot to immediately after leaving the theater.  It's not BAD, but it's not good either.  It's just sort of. . .there.  I found these comics in the dollar box.  That's right where they belong.

Up Next. . .

How about some more 90's -Tastic Wolverine Team Up Action? Iron Fist/Wolverine, then more Punisher/Wolverine, then some Elektra/Wolverine and THEN Nightman/Wolverine!

Just kidding.  No more Wolverine teamups for now.

HEY! Anybody remember the time that Jonah Hex traveled to the future for some apocalyptic mayhem? DC's HEX. . .all 18 goddamn issues.

Be there or be square!

Tuesday, November 6, 2018

Longbox Junk - Wolverine/Punisher: Revelations

Take a look at any "Worst" or "Insane" list involving either Marvel or The Punisher and you'll come across a brief, strange time in Punisher's history when he had killed himself and come back to life with heavenly (READ: Super) powers.

These powers were given to him by an angel (who was responsible for the death of Frank Castle's family and him becoming The Punisher) so that both he and The Punisher could seek redemption in the eyes of Heaven. . .

Needless to say, this new status quo was NOT popular with the fans.  Hell, even the much-maligned "Franken-Castle" arc lasted longer.  Punisher as a heavenly avenger lasted exactly two 4 issue mini's and a handful of references here and there later on.

This is the second of those mini's and the last time the comics world would see The Punisher in undead heavenly avenger mode.  I don't have all the issues of the mini that introduced this idea, but for what it's worth, from what I've read this is the better of the two.

And so with a hearty, "Welcome to the 90's!" let's take a look, shall we?


Marvel (Marvel Knights) 1999
SCRIPT: Christopher Golden & Tom Sniegoski
Pencils: Pat Lee
Covers: Pat Lee

Wolverine and Punisher are both enjoying a moment of peace in their crazy lives when construction workers accidentally discover hidden tunnels deep under New York City and unleash an imprisoned being that causes sickness and death. . .

The first issue of this mini is off to a pretty good start, even though it's part of what's widely regarded as one of the most WTF times in Punisher's history (SHORT VERSION: He killed himself and was brought back to life and given angelic powers in order to be a warrior for heaven and join his family in paradise. The 90's. Just roll with it).

It's mostly setup in order to throw Punisher into a Wolverine story. . .or maybe it's the other way around. Hard to tell. But the issue does a good job moving the pieces onto the board by introducing the title characters, the threat, and the reasons for them to face the threat.

The Anime/Manga style art by Pat Lee is very nicely done. Not as good as DarkMinds, but his art style fits this story pretty well, even making Punisher's somewhat ridiculous heaven guns look a LOT better than Wrightson did in the original "Punisher as an angel" Marvel Knights mini. The cover is very nicely done as well. The only thing about the art I didn't like was Wolverine's amazingly triangular hair. . .but hey, 90's, right?

Overall, a surprisingly strong start.


Wolverine and Punisher meet up in the tunnels beneath New York City while panic breaks out as the contagion spreads sickness and death above. The source of the contagion, a Morlock named Revelation, has been driven insane by years of captivity and is convinced she's in hell and must escape. . .

After a pretty strong opening issue, Marvel pours weaksauce on the second. The art takes a swerve for the worse, including a god-awful cover. There's TEN FU*KING PAGES of exposition (About a third of the book)! And the. . .er. . .revelation. . .that Revelation is a Morlock who was imprisoned because her mutation was a death aura.

Correct me if I'm wrong, fellow comic nerds. . .but weren't The Morlocks basically hideous homeless mutants that lived as scavengers? They weren't high-tech people with advanced cryogenic laboratories and a legion of robotic sentries. Am I wrong here? Am I remembering things wrong?

Anyway, Punisher and Wolverine meet up and engage in the obligatory "We fight until we realize we're on the same side" trope, and then things devolve into robot punching.



The Mutant Revelation continues to make her way to the surface, pursued by Punisher and Wolverine. After Punisher is badly wounded, he becomes convinced the only way to stop Revelation is to kill her. Wolverine becomes the surprising voice of reason and reminds Punisher that he's been given a chance at redemption, and that usually doesn't include killing the innocent.

The proceedings are watched closely by a council of angels who decide to test whether or not Frank Castle deserves the power of heaven and a second chance to be with his family.

The art in this issue thankfully swerves back to the good side of things. . .with the exception of the strange way the pointy side eye/ear/mask thingy (I really don't know what to call it. His mask?) on Wolverine is drawn. It's just bad. So bad. Also, for some strange reason, the angels watching and testing The Punisher are wearing the same super science carapace body armor as Revelation.

Storywise, we continue to get massive info dumps and exposition. Every issue so far has gone over the background of Wolverine, Punisher, and Revelation until at this point, about half the book is background material with very little story actually taking place. And again. . .the Morlocks are portrayed as super-science high tech mutants instead of grungy scavengers.

Oh. . .and Punisher gets a steel I-Beam punched through his chest and walks it off after Wolverine pulls it out. New healing factor bro!

Overall, there wasn't much to this one. The issue was stuffed with exposition and I'm thinking this mini could have been a two-shot instead of a 4 parter.


In the final confrontation with Revelation, Punisher resists killing her and convinces the Council of Thrones that he is worthy of redemption. Oh. . .and he stuffs a nuclear bomb into a dimensional pocket of his trench coat, where it explodes harmlessly somewhere in heaven.

So here we are at the end of things for this mini AND Punisher as an angel (it was referenced a few times after this, but never shown again). I have to admit that the ending of this mini was actually pretty good.

To tell the truth, based on some of the dangling story threads here, I think there was some potential for Punisher Angel. . .call me crazy!

But that aside, this was a good ending to the mini. The only parts that REALLY stuck out as bad were the whole "Putting a nuke into a handy deus ex dimensional trenchcoat pocket", and Wolverine refusing to believe in heaven AFTER HE ALREADY WENT TO HELL WITH GHOST RIDER AND PUNISHER A FEW YEARS BEFORE! (In the 1991 "Hearts of Darkness" one shot)  And not for nuthin' after he sees angels come down to collect the innocent soul of Revelation.


Overall, I came away from this Xtremely 90's relic of a strange time at Marvel Comics with two main impressions. . .

The First was that, even though the character didn't seem to have been handled or presented very well, there actually WAS some potential in a supernatural-based Punisher. There were just little glimmers of it here, but maybe they should have given it a bit more of a chance.  I know, I know. . .call me crazy.

The second main impression I got from this mini was that there was actually only enough story for two issues.  This is a series that is HEAVILY padded with background and exposition.

I really, REALLY like Pat Lee's art. . .DarkMinds is one of my all-around favorite series. . .but this time out, I was a bit disappointed.  There were some very nice moments here and there, but this wasn't close to his best work.

All in all, if I had to describe this curiosity in one word, it would be: Disappointing.  It wasted a potentially interesting character to the point that it was never seen again.  Instead we got a lot of robot punching.  A damn shame.

Up Next. . .

Everything is better with some Wolverine in it, right? RIGHT?
More Wolv-Tastic teamup action with Marvel's Gambit/Wolverine: Victims mini.

Be there or be square!

Wednesday, October 31, 2018

Longbox Junk Halloween Retro Review - Dark Shadows #6

Welcome back to the Longbox Junk Halloween Party!

I know. . .I know.  Since I tend to post these very late at night (or early in the morning, depending on how you look at things), it's probably November 1 for most of those reading.  I DID have 2 more Halloween posts I was planning on throwing down, but due to unforeseen work circumstances (another local hotel had a gas leak and my hotel inherited all their guests, so we've had a sold out house when we're usually running about 30-40%) I haven't had the time I usually have this time of year to read and review comic books.  

For this final (awww. . .) Halloween entry, I've decided to go out with a Retro Review.   So grab your wooden stakes and a warm coat because we're heading back to 1970 and the cold New England coast for a little Dark Shadows!


GOLD KEY (1970)
SCRIPT: D.J. Arneson (?)
PENCILS: Joe Certa (?)
COVER: Photo

As usual with these Retro Reviews, let's wait a minute before we jump into the comic at hand and talk a little bit about what's in the background, shall we?  We shall!

So. . .the basics for those not familiar with Dark Shadows is that this comic is based on a supernatural-themed soap opera that aired daily on ABC from 1966 - 1971.  The stories were centered around the trials and tribulations of the wealthy, yet cursed, Collins family in Collinsport, Maine and mostly took place in a huge gothic mansion called Collinswood.  

There were 1,225 30 minute episodes that aired during the shows run.  Stories featured vampires, werewolves, ghosts, zombies, mad science monsters, witches, warlocks, time travel and a parallel universe. 

Sounds awesome, right? 

The truth of the T.V. show is that it's. . .barely okay.  It still has a lot of fans, but the show honestly doesn't stand the test of time.  Viewed today, it looks incredibly cheap and cheesy.  It has an interesting core, but the technology and storytelling of the time just couldn't deliver on the promise. 

 This was also a show that filmed daily with scripts that were being written with a serious deadline crunch (sometimes they were finished AS the show was filming), interviews with the actors tend to talk about what an exhausting experience it was, so that didn't help much with the overall quality. Enjoying the original episodes of Dark Shadows is pretty much an experience for established fans only. . .sort of like trying to watch the black and white episodes of Doctor Who.

There was a short-lived revival of the show in 1991 that lasted 12 episodes.  It's actually pretty good, but you can literally see the network stop giving a crap after about the halfway point.

Then there's the 2012 movie featuring Johnny "seriously, screw that guy" Depp.  I saw it before I swore off EVER consciously putting another dime in Depp's pocket after he destroyed any chance of me getting another Lone Ranger movie, thanks to his comedy portrayal of Captain Jack Tonto.  It's more of a comedy drama and pretty much resembles the original Dark Shadows in the names only.  

It grits my Depp-hatin' teeth to say it, but the Dark Shadows movie isn't as bad as reviews make it out to be. . .as long as you realize that it is NOT the Dark Shadows you might be thinking of.  It has a lot of good moments.  They should have just named it something (ANYTHING) else and people wouldn't have disliked it so much.  And seriously. . .screw Johnny Depp.

So that's a quick rundown of Dark Shadows on the screen. . .but we're here to talk comics.

Beside the Gold Key series lasting 35 issues (including the issue at hand), there was a 4 issue run from Innovation based on the second T.V. series (I don't have any issues), and a 23 issue run from Dynamite in 2011-2013 that I have a few issues of. . .it's not bad at all, from what I've read.    There's a few other bits and bobs like a Vampirella/Dark Shadows crossover mini from Dynamite and a Dark Shadows : Year One "Origin" mini (also from Dynamite), but I haven't read any of them and from the looks of it, nobody cares. . .so they may yet end up in Longbox Junk, if I ever run across them in the bargain box.

As far as the Gold Key series at hand, there's remarkably little information I could find on it beyond the bare bones basics of years and numbers.  The writers and artists aren't credited on any of the 6 issues I have in my collection (or any of the issues, as far as I can tell), and it was only through a bit of digging that I managed to find who worked on this issue. . .and even that bit of information isn't 100% solid.  

But enough of that.  Let's get into this comic!

The story goes like so:

Several mysterious deaths take place over the course of a single night in the town of Collinsport.  Based on past experience, it doesn't take long at all for the townfolk to start looking toward Collinwood. . .the dark home of the cursed Collins family.  At Collinwood, Vampire Barnabas Collins learns of the deaths and immediately suspects Quentin Collins, who he knows is a Werewolf. . .but he needs proof before he takes action, and so Barnabas decides to investigate in town.

Barnabas hears the cries of a man being attacked.  He arrives in time to save the man, but unfortunately, both the man who was attacked as well as an arriving crowd of townfolk see Barnabas and assume that he is the killer.  Barnabas escapes from the mob and makes it back to Collinwood. . .now convinced that Quentin is indeed the killer.

That night, a mysterious creature rises to kill once again.  When Barnabas learns of it, he decides that something must be done about Quentin, so he concocts a poison to incapacitate Quentin so that Barnabas can dispose of him when convenient. . .never realizing that he's completely wrong.


Yes, that's right. . .I said Egypt.  

Flashing back a couple of days, we gaze upon the sorcerer Ka-Ran in the midst of a ceremony to raise the ancient mummy of the sorcerer Amen-Ra.  Ka-Ran is confused as to why the ceremony was seemingly not successful, so he opens the sarcophagus and discovers that somehow, the body of English adventurer and Sea Captain Nathanial Collins. . .the man who was killed attempting to plunder Amen-Ra's tomb. . .has been switched with Amen-Ra.  

Ka-Ran immediately assumes that if Collins is in Amen-Ra's tomb, then Amen-Ra must be in Collins' tomb. . .and so he makes ready to travel to America.


Barnabas Collins finally confronts Quentin Collins and poisons him before dragging him into the family crypt in order to kill him. . .but in the process he sees Nathanial Collins' empty coffin and realizes that he's got the wrong killer.  So he just sort of drops Quentin to sleep off the poison and rushes into town to try and find out what's going on with Nathanial Collins.


Elizabeth Collins entertains the Egyptian Sorcerer, Ka-Ran, who has arrived at Collinwood with an extremely sketchy story about how his grandfather was good friends with Nathanial Collins and he traveled all the way to America JUST to see his tomb.  Never mind that it's the middle of the night.  Elizabeth falls for Ka-Ran's story and takes him into the tomb. . .only for him to discover Nathanial Collins' coffin empty.  He gets aggressive and reveals his true identity, making Elizabeth pass out. . .from the sheer evil of it, I guess?

Ka-Ran stows Elizabeth in Nathanial Collins' coffin and heads into town to see if he can find Amen-Ra.  In the meantime, Barnabas Collins has arrived too late to save yet another of the townfolk from being murdered by the marauding mummy.   Worse, an angry mob finds Barnabas suspiciously hunched over yet ANOTHER dead man and he has to run for his life again.

Barnabas makes it back to Collinwood, but the mob is on his tail and he has to run from them, leaving things nice and quiet for Ka-Ran to return after wandering around town and finding nothing.  Ka-Ran decides to camp out in the Collins family crypt and wait for Amen-Ra to return, but as the rays of the moon reflect off of his "Moonstone Necklace" Quentin Collins. . .who has been laying forgotten and unnoticed on the floor of the crypt all this time. . .is revived and transformed into a werewolf!

Luckily, Ka-Ran just HAPPENS to carry a silver dagger for these sort of unfortunate situations, and the sorcerer and werewolf start to battle in the Collins family crypt.  Meanwhile, outside of Collinwood, Barnabas (still on the run from the townfolk) accidentally runs into Amen-Ra and a Vampire on Mummy battle ensues!

Barnabas chases the mummy to an abandoned mansion.  The mob of townfolk arrive on the scene and see Barnabas going into the house.  They decide to burn him out because they are literally carrying torches and pitchforks.  

As the deserted mansion goes up in flames, Barnabas jumps from the window.  The townfolk are ready to finish him off, but then Barnabas points out the flaming mummy and manages to convince them that it is the real killer he was trying to save them from all along.  

The townfolk apologize and go on about their business without asking any questions about WHY THE HELL A LIVING MUMMY EVEN EXISTS.  Obviously those are some  jaded townies living in the shadow of Collinwood.  Barnabas returns to the Collins family crypt to discover Elizabeth and Quentin trying to figure out what happened.  Ka-Ran is nowhere to be seen.  

Quentin tactfully decides not to mention how Barnabas poisoned him and nobody asks about Nathanial Collins' empty coffin, the weird Egyptian guy who was REALLY interested in the Collins Family tomb, the mob of angry townfolk wandering the grounds of Collinwood, or wonders why the old Palmer House over there is up in flames.  I guess when you're part of the Collins family, it's best just to leave things alone and take a sort of happy ending when you get one.


Hmmmm. . .Okay.  

Vampire vs. Mummy and Werewolf vs. Evil Sorcerer with a nice sprinkle of torch-wielding village mob.  It's got all the parts for a great Halloween monster vs. monster story.  Unfortunately, those parts are fit together with about as much effort and imagination as a snap together model.

This story is so full of coincidences to get all the parts into one place, that by the end of things it's almost straight comedy as characters barely miss each other, accidentally run into each other, and basically end up stumbling into a conclusion where the villain just sort of vanishes and nobody wants to talk about what just happened.

The art on this story is extremely workmanlike and just borderline bad.  The depiction of Quentin as a werewolf makes the T.V. show's cheap makeup look like artistry of the finest caliber.  It's laughable, how bad this artist draws the werewolf.  The rest of it is on the bad side of "okay".  The art tells the story, but that's all it does.


What we have here is an obvious cash grab.  From the completely unrelated photo cover, to the story so completely propped up by coincidence that it almost becomes comedy, to the extremely workmanlike and borderline bad art.  It's plain to see that there wasn't much real effort put into this comic.  

It's really sort of a shame, because the elements of a really cool 4 way classic monster vs. monster battle are there for the taking.  Vampire vs. Mummy AND Werewolf vs. Evil Sorcerer.  How can that go wrong?  Unfortunately, the creative team on this comic FOUND a way to make it wrong.  I have 6 issues of Gold Key's Dark Shadows in my collection.  I picked this one because it looked like a lot of fun on a flip through.  I sort of wish I had picked another one now.  

And so there it is. . .the final piece of Longbox Junk's Halloween for this year.
A bit of a disappointing close, but it was fun party while it lasted.

Up Next. . .

Back to Longbox Junk business as usual!

Anyone remember that time when the Punisher was an angel?
You know. . .that very short time in Punisher's career that ends up on just about every "Worst Marvel Storylines" list on the internet ever?  Let's go there!  

Wolverine/ The Punisher: Revelation 4 issue mini.

Be there or be square!

Friday, October 26, 2018

Longbox Junk Halloween - Friday The 13th: Abuser And The Abused

Sad to say, but the Longbox Junk Halloween Party is ALMOST over.

So let's see. . .

Superheroes on Halloween non-scary Horror
Infection/Body Transformation Horror
Lovecraftian Creature Horror
Twilight Zone-ish Supernatural Horror
Sexploitation Horror
Elseworlds Superhero Deconstruction Horror
Classic Movie Monster Horror
Zombie Apocalypse Horror
B-Movie Sci-Fi Horror

Not bad.  Not bad at all.  
That's a decent batch of Halloween horror comics right there.

Hmmmmm. . .there's STILL something missing, I think.

*Ponders a moment*

Got it. 


Let's do this!


SCRIPT: Joshua Hale Fialkov
PENCILS: Andy B  (Belanger)
COVER: Brandon Badeaux & Carrie Strachan

The story goes like this:

Maggie is a high school girl with a rough life.  She's got abusive, alcoholic parents. She's bullied at school. She has a boyfriend who regularly beats her.  

She's seen school counselors, psychiatrists, and even a priest, but nobody seems to be able to help her.

But then one day, after a particularly brutal beating from her boyfriend Maggie snaps, goes a little insane,  and decides that the only way she's going to solve her problems is to solve them herself.  

She lives in a town nearby the legendary Camp Crystal Lake, and everybody knows the story of the mysterious serial killer, Jason Voorhees.  Maggie decides to use the local legends to her advantage.  That night, she kills her parents and calls her boyfriend for a midnight makeout session at Camp Crystal Lake, or as the locals call it. . .Camp Blood.

At Crystal Lake, Maggie stabs her unsuspecting boyfriend, but as she gleefully tortures him, guess who shows up to interrupt her murder party. . .none other than the legendary killer, Jason Voorhees!

Instead of being terrified by the sudden appearance of Jason, Maggie gets extremely mad when he brutally finishes off her boyfriend. . .screaming at Jason that he was HERS to kill.  Maggie and Jason engage in an epic battle with blood flying everywhere as they hack at each other, finally ending with a massive explosion as Maggie sets her boyfriend's car on fire.

Both Maggie and Jason barely survive the explosion.  Maggie decides to try and reason with Jason, telling him that she's a monster like him. . .that she was made into a monster the same way he was, and that Jason inspired her to let the monster inside her out. 

Jason hesitates and allows Maggie to embrace him, but then to her horror he chops her head off.  As Jason silently drags Maggie's headless body into the woods, it's pretty clear that there can only be ONE monster at Camp Blood.

The End.

Well. . .that was actually better than I thought it would be.

It's an extremely short and quick read, thanks to the oversized panels of art, but I really liked the idea of someone being driven to think they're a monster and then discovering what a real monster is.  I liked that Jason didn't show up until the end of the story and this was mostly focused on Maggie's descent into insanity.  Without Jason showing up, Maggie might well have proven to be the monster she thought she was.  

The art on this story REALLY caught my eye with the excellent throwback style, strong inking, great colors, and unusual panel borders and shapes.  It's a really unique style and even though I've never heard of this artist, I'm definitely going to be on the lookout for more of his work .


I was surprised to find myself liking this as much as I did.  It's not a long story, and it's definitely NOT a story for kids. . .There's a hefty helping of sexual innuendo, barely-contained boobs, foul language and buckets of blood packed into this single issue. . .adults only on this one.  The story, short as it is, is an interesting character study on the nature of human monsters.

The art on this comic is simply outstanding in my opinion.  It has a great throwback style that was really unexpected and eye-catching.  I wouldn't have thought that a golden age homage style would fit a story like this, but it somehow manages to in a big way.

Overall, this is a very short, very fast read with an interesting premise and great art.  It's an unexpected little gold nugget of Longbox Junk.  Pick it up for the art alone if you can find it.

Up Next. . .

October ain't over until it's over.  
There's a few more bits of Longbox Junk Halloween fun left.

Be there or be square!

Longbox Junk Halloween Retro Review - Worlds Unknown #6

Welcome back to Longbox Junk for another "Retro Review" edition. . .where I take a look at some of the older or more "valuable" single issues in my collection instead of my usual bargain bin fare.

So. . .

I was looking with justifiable pride at all the Halloween entries I've made this month in Longbox Junk but my big, cheesy grin faltered a bit when I realized something was missing from the mix. . .that being the "So bad it's kinda good B-Movie" style horror.

You know what I mean, right? The kind of horror which isn't really scary, and even verges on comedy at times. Stuff like Giant Ants, Alien Blobs, Robots from Outer Space, and. . .THE THING CALLED KILLDOZER!

Let's do this! 

Ridiculously Awesome!

MARVEL (1973)
SCRIPT: Gerry Conway
PENCILS: Dick Ayers
COVER: Dick Ayers

Once again, part of the fun of these retro reviews for me is to not just read and review the comic at hand, but to try and learn a little bit about it in the process, and sharing a bit of my new knowledge if you don't mind indulging me a few paragraphs. . .

As you can see from the ridiculously awesome cover of this comic, it's based on a short story by Theodore Sturgeon that was written in 1944 and originally published in Astounding, a Science Fiction magazine.  From what I've read, it was one of Sturgeon's most popular stories, although I have to confess I've never heard of it before this comic book.  I guess I need to up my classic sci-fi reading game a bit.

As you can ALSO see from the ridiculously awesome cover of this comic, there was a television adaptation of the story.  It was an ABC Movie of The Week in February 1974. . .for younger readers, this was during the late dark ages of home entertainment when there were only 4 channels and you had to actually watch movies on T.V. when they were on or you just didn't get to see them. No DVR, no DVD, no Streaming.  The Movie of The Week was sort of a big deal.  


Ahem. . .anyway.  

Retro Review movin' pitcha BONUS!

If you want to enjoy a super-cheesy unintentionally funny "horror" B-Movie, here's Killdozer in its entire 70's glory.  Enjoy!  

The T.V. adaptation strays from the original source material in pretty significant ways, especially in the beginning and the end of the story.  The comic version is closer to the original story (the beginning in particular), but has a different ending than either the original or the T.V. movie.

There was also a band called Killdozer.  I listened to some tracks and I'm probably safe in saying that unless you like your music yelled at you in an as loud and incomprehensible manner as possible, it's best to just leave Killdozer the band as an obscure late 80's/early 90's musical footnote where they belong.

Enough of  this. Let's get into the comic!

First off. . .the cover.  

I bought this comic for the cover, and there are really only two words that can truly describe it: RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME.  It's ridiculous. . .a living bulldozer with headlight "eyes" shouting at a guy in a disco-tastic green shirt?  So bad.  But at the same time, it's awesome. . .I mean, just look at it!  The colors, the title, the menacing Killdozer. This is a cover that makes you WANT this comic!  So good. 

Too bad it's pretty misleading.  There are no women in the story, there's no shooting, and the Killdozer doesn't talk or look nearly as menacing.  This is without a doubt one of the best AND worst comic book covers I have in my collection. I love it!  It's Ridiculously Awesome!  Moving along.

The story goes like this:

We start with a prologue explaining that a billion years ago, Earth was inhabited by an advanced race of humans, but they came under attack by strange sentient clouds of intelligent electrons that were able to turn any weapons or technology against its creators.  

Eventually, the human race was on the edge of extinction until they employed one final weapon that they were able to shield from their enemies.  Unfortunately, it was a bit of a doomsday weapon and the Earth itself was almost destroyed. . .but the human race barely survived.  A lone alien entity also survived, burying itself in the Earth and hiding safely undisturbed for a billion years. 

The movie just uses the old B-Movie standby of "A mysterious meteor from outer space with unknown radiation".  A bit less epic than a massive war a billion years in the past ending with a burning Earth, but much more budget-friendly.  

Flash forward a billion years to the present day and a seven-man construction crew contracted to build an Air Force landing strip on an isolated island that looks a lot like the same island the mysterious electron entity hid itself under in the distant past. . .DUN-DUN-DUN!

After a bit of casual 70's racism toward their hispanic mechanic/bulldozer operator, the crew gets right to work.  Rivera (said hispanic mechanic and casual racism target) discovers some ruins and gets a strange feeling about them (DUN-DUN-DUN), but the foreman of the crew (Tom Jaeger) isn't having any of Rivera's non-white superstitious nonsense and he doesn't give a damn about poindexter crap like archaeology (and HE'S the tolerant one, by the way), so he tells Rivera to bulldoze that old temple down. . .he's got an airstrip to build and by God, he's gonna build an airstrip!

Rivera's fears are confirmed after he knocks a hole in the side of the ruins and a mysterious cold wind suddenly causes the bulldozer to start acting on its own.  It throws off Rivera, killing him, and then comes after Jaeger. . .and so The Killdozer is born!  

Jaeger barely manages to escape and disable the bulldozer, but back at camp, the rest of the crew are having a hard time believing Jaeger's story because all the pieces don't fit right.  After another man is killed (electrocuted while trying to restart the bulldozer) and Jaeger is once again the only witness, the whispers start turning into accusations.  The accusations turn into full revolt as yet ANOTHER man is killed with Jaeger as the witness when the bulldozer runs him over. 

By the time Jaeger has witnessed three fatal "accidents" by the same machine, and narrowly escaped with his own life, the Foreman has figured out that there's something definitely wrong with the bulldozer.  Unfortunately, the remaining crew members are convinced that they're trapped on an island with a homicidal maniac who is killing them off, and his insane ramblings about the bulldozer coming to life aren't changing their opinion.

Luckily for Jaeger, his seemingly insane story is confirmed as the 3 remaining crew members try to take him down.  The driverless bulldozer cruises right into their camp and starts revving its engine before it chooses a target and runs him down as the horrified men watch.  

As the Killdozer wreaks havoc and destroys their camp, Jaeger and one of his remaining crew hatch a wild plan to destroy the living machine before it kills them all. . .lure it into the water and then hit it with a shot of electricity from an arc welder.

Using himself as bait, Jaeger manages to get the Killdozer to pursue him off the beach and into the water.  His other crewman hits the juice and Killdozer is down!  The plan worked and the three remaining crewmen are safe. . .but who's going to believe their story?

The End.

Hmmmm. . .okay.

What we have here is an extremely simple story that's basically a monster chasing and killing its victims until they manage to defeat it.  It's a pretty well-worn kind of story that's been seen many, many times.  To tell the truth, it's not nearly as exciting as that ridiculously awesome cover makes it seem like it should be.  It's actually pretty straightforward and predictable. 

It's not that the story is bad. . .it isn't.  It's just told in a somewhat flat way, considering that it's a tale of a bulldozer coming to life and killing people.  The writer TRIES to bring some life to things by having a lot of shouting back and forth, but it all comes off as sort of trying too hard.

The art is likewise pretty straightforward and predictable.  Except for the cover and a nice double-pager of the burning Earth during the prologue there aren't any panels that really stand out.  The art isn't BAD at all. . .but it isn't really that good either.


If I had to describe this comic in one word, that word would be: Workmanlike.

The story is simple in a "this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened" sort of way.  It moves from start to finish in a steady, predictable line.  The art is also steady and predictable.  It's not bad. . .it's not great.  It just rides right down the middle line of telling the story, but not trying too hard to stand out in any way.  

Truthfully, the cover is the best part of this comic.  
The rest of it is just sort of. . .there.

Up Next. . .

There's still a bit more Longbox Junk Halloween fun to be had!

Be there or be square.