Longbox Junk - The Terminator #1

 Welcome to Longbox Junk, the blog absolutely stuffed with comic reviews nobody asked me to write!

Terminators.

Relentless killing machines created by the all-powerful computer, Skynet.  Their only purpose to infiltrate and destroy the last remaining vestiges of human resistance in one of the bleakest futures ever to be put on the silver screen or the comic page.

I LOVE The Terminator franchise! Within the framework of a dark future ruled by machines, there's potential to tell both hopeful AND hopeless tales of resistance and desperate battle against inhuman monsters created by mankind's own technological hubris.  

There's been a lot of Terminator comic stories.  Probably the best known coming from Dark Horse, who held the Terminator license for about twenty years!  But what we have here is the FIRST Terminator comic book.  The opening issue for a 1988 series by NOW Comics that lasted just 17 issues before handing things over to Dark Horse.

It seems a bit strange to me that the first comic to expand on such a popular franchise is worth about. . .well. . .pretty much nothing when it comes to "key" value of comic books.  MAYBE ten bucks for a absolutely perfect copy. . .in theory, anyway.  This is a series that you can find every single issue of (including this first issue) in the bargain bin.

But, like everything else with over thirty years' worth of material behind it, there's good Terminator stories and there's bad Terminator stories.  Which one is this?  Let's find out!

THE TERMINATOR #1

NOW Comics (1988)

COVER: Mitch O'Connell

THE COVER:

Now THERE'S the good stuff!  I've got a lot of Terminator comics in my collection, but this is my all-time favorite Terminator cover!  It's just. . .perfect. It's a great, creepy piece of highly-detailed artwork that can stand toe to toe with some of the best comic covers out there, period.

So the cover is one of my favorites in my collection.  What about the story?  

Let's get inside this thing!  

THE STORY:

THE TERMINATOR

SCRIPT:  Fred Schiller

PENCILS: Tony Akins

INKS: Jim Brozman

The time: December 22, 2031. The Place: Just North of what's left of Miami, Florida.

We begin our tale with a woman, carrying a baby and being pursued through the ruins of Miami by a relentless killing machine. . .a Terminator. She trips and falls.  The Terminator moves in for the kill!

The woman is saved by the timely arrival of a team of human soldiers.  The Terminator is destroyed and she tells them that she's looking for an underground group called "Sarah's Slammers".  Her baby is sick and she needs a doctor.  

She's in luck.  The soldiers belong to the Slammers and offer to take her and her baby back to their hidden base for medical treatment.  But then, one of the soldiers gets a bad feeling about the situation and blasts the woman!  She's actually a Terminator!  IT'S A TRAP!

As the patrol tries to make sense of the ambush, they move to rescue the child, only to discover that it's ALSO a Terminator!  A tiny baby Terminator!  THE HORROR!  

SHIFTING SCENES. . .

We find ourselves aboard a high-tech aircraft, hovering over the ocean nearby.  The crew of the ship is led by a woman named Berwanger.  They are scientists, gathering plankton samples to take back to their base.  There's a problem!  An accident and the ship's systems begin to fail!

Their stealth cloaking device and thrusters go offline. The ship begins to drift toward the mainland, where their sensors indicate an intense firefight is occurring!

  

RETURNING TO SARAH'S SLAMMERS. . .

More Terminators have arrived at the scene of the trap!  The Slammers are pinned down by heavy fire.  As they desperately fight for their lives, we see the mysterious aircraft drifting closer as the crew tries to reactivate their cloaking device, thrusters, and shields.  It's too late!  The cloak completely fails and the ship is exposed to those fighting below.

Mistaking the disabled aircraft as a new kind of Terminator ship, Sarah's Slammers turn all their firepower onto it, causing the vessel to crash nearby.  The Slammer Commander, Leahy, orders her men to retreat before they take any more losses.  

Nearby, the surviving crew of the crashed aircraft have abandoned ship.  As they make their way along the shoreline, they run into the retreating soldiers.  There's a standoff between the two groups.  Leahy is informed that there's another Terminator transport on the way.  They need to figure things out and get moving before they're overwhelmed!

The crew of the downed aircraft use a high-tech homing missile to easily take down the approaching transport.  But Leahy learns another FOUR transports are on their way!  

Impressed with the newcomer's weapons, Leahy quickly makes the decision to invite them to the Slammer's hidden base.  They all leave together before Terminator reinforcements arrive.

SHIFTING SCENES AGAIN. . .

We find ourselves following Martin Reedfoot, one of Sarah's Slammers on a mission to infiltrate a Skynet "Flesh Farm" to gain intel on the facility.  

The Flesh Farms are a recent Skynet project, breeding and cultivating docile human servants. . .and also providing a ready supply of human skin for their Terminators. 

As he makes his way through the eerie town of Bedford Falls, gathering information on the docile human population, Reedfoot is discovered by one of the Terminator guards!

MEANWHILE, AT THE HIDDEN INSURGENT BASE. . .

Sarah's Slammers are based in an old Minuteman missile silo that they imaginatively call "Homebase".  We learn that the crew of the mysterious aircraft are actually from. . .The Moon!

They are the children of inhabitants of a moon colony called "Little Houston", who could only watch in horror as Skynet took over the world 33 years ago.  There was strife in the colony about what to do, but it was decided that there wasn't much they COULD do, and so they remained on the moon.  

They have to occasionally return to Earth for secret resource-gathering missions in their cloaked ships.  It was during one of these missions that their ship was shot down, and how they ended up with a bunch of rag-tag insurgents hiding out in an old missile silo.

BACK AT THE FLESH FARM. . .

Reedfoot desperately tries to make his escape from the Terminators at Bedford Falls, but he is surrounded.  He sends a burst transmission to Homebase with the information he's gathered.  After that, his fate is uncertain. . .

AND THEN, BACK AT THE INSURGENT BASE. . .

Berwanger and Leahy have a bit of conflict over the moon base's inaction while humans bleed and suffer on Earth, but they eventually come to an agreement once Reedfoot's information is received.

Berwanger agrees to supply Sarah's Slammers with weapons and medical supplies in exchange for equipment and parts needed to fix their ship.  Unfortunately, the high-tech gear needed will only be available at a Skynet facility. . .like the Flesh Farm Reedfoot was scouting.    

Leahy agrees to help Sarah's Slammers assault the facility.

BUT THEN. . .

While Leahy and Berwanger discuss their agreement, there's a commotion elsewhere in the base!  The Slammer's viral scanners have detected a non-human! There's a Terminator among them!  It's one of the Moon Crew!  

BUT WAIT! THEY CAN EXPLAIN!

To be continued. . .

THE REVIEW:

Okay, there it is.  Let's break it on down!

I review a lot of first issues here at Longbox Junk.  I have just TWO simple expectations from the first issue of a series.  And in MY humble opinion, neither one is too much to ask. . .

1.  Does it introduce the characters and their situation in a new reader-friendly way?

2.  Does it make me want to read more?

Is that too much to ask?  You'd think not, but there are a lot of first issues I've read that can't even hurdle those two pretty low bars.  But hey, I don't write 'em. . .I just read 'em. 

 I guess comic publishers know what they're doing when they decide that a good introduction and a hook to buy the next issue aren't necessary.  Who am I to tell them THEIR business, right?

ANYWAY. . . 

Question number one. . .is this a good introduction?  Well, the whole issue is basically introduction, so I'll say yes on this one.  Actually, I really liked the story in this issue. 

Even though it was almost completely introduction to the characters and the setting, the writer moves it along at a pretty brisk pace and we get all the information we need organically as the story unfolds instead of it looking like an obvious info-dump, which is ALMOST as bad as not getting enough information in a first issue.

It's a gritty, hard military science fiction story.  Very straightforward in laying out the brutal nature of what the world has become.  I like the addition of the Moon Colonists as a sort of "privileged" storytelling foil to the hardcore Sarah's Slammers.  The colonists make it so the writer is able to give more than one perspective on the same events (more so in later issues, but that foundation is nicely set up here).

Question number two. . .Do I want to read more?  Yes I do.  I'm a fan of gritty military science fiction, which is what draws me to the Terminator franchise in the first place.  

Even though what we have here is almost completely introduction and setup, it's solid introduction and setup.  I want to see how these two different groups come together to achieve their separate, but intertwined goals as the story unfolds.  

BUT. . .

Then there's the art.  Let's talk about the art.

It's bad.

Garish colors, practically nonexistent backgrounds, sketchy, and in places looking almost unfinished.  This comic has an AWESOME cover, but inside? No Bueno. 

It's an issue that a lot of NOW comics suffered.  Great, eye-catching covers with good stories, but art that slaps and insults you. . .and not in the fun way.  What I'm trying to say is that the art in this comic is crap.  There's no tiptoeing around it.  The cover is premium, the inside is amateurish.  

CONCLUSION

So, a solid military science fiction story that delivers a good introduction and makes me want to read more, backed up by art that looks like the logical progression of Napoleon Dynamite's high school sketches.

Is the art bad enough to make me not want to recommend this?  I guess not.  The story is good and the art DOES get a little better as the series goes on.  Not by much, mind you, and the garish colors never go away, but there's improvement at least.

This isn't the best Terminator comic out there.  Not even close.  But it's a cool little time capsule of the time before Terminator WAS a franchise.  There was the first movie, and there was this.  That was it.

NOW took the Terminator idea and ran with it. . .giving us a thirty year time jump into what was one of the best parts of the original movie, the short scenes showing future humanity fighting the terrifying robots of Skynet.

For just the sheer non-canon, "Where do we go from here?" aspect of this series jumping off of the very narrow starting point of the original Terminator movie, I'll recommend this series.  Just understand the art is generally awful from start to finish, even though it does show some improvement in later issues.

The series has never been collected, as far as I can tell, but like I said in the introduction, it's not hard to find every issue (including this first issue) in the bargain bins.  Pick 'em up and check 'em out if you happen to spot some.  

That's it for this edition of Longbox Junk.  Thanks for stopping by to spend a little time, and I hope you come to visit again.  Until next time, remember that comics are worth more than money!

Longbox Junk - The Six Million Dollar Man: Fall of Man

Welcome back to Longbox Junk, the place to find all the comic reviews you never asked for!

"Steve Austin, astronaut. A man barely alive."

"We can rebuild him. We have the technology.

We can make him better than he was.

Better. . .stronger. . .faster."

As a child of the 70's I was a big fan of all things Bionic Man (Yeah, yeah. . .I know the title of the show was "The Six Million Dollar Man", but on the playground it was always The Bionic Man). Thinking back on it, I truly believe he was the ultimate 70's superhero. . .a creation of science with the soul of a man. 

Science today is taken for granted. I don't mean to make myself sound old, but when I was a kid in the 70's, Astronauts were still the great American Hero. The moon landings were still fresh in the collective memory. The world was on the edge of major change and advances in technology.

A modern Bionic Man is just one high tech thing among many. But in the 70's Steve Austin wasn't just some T.V. character to me and my friends. . .he was OUR hero for OUR time. A scientific superhero that we could believe was possible in a way that we never really could with someone like Superman.

Steve Austin didn't wear tights, but he always did what he thought was right, even if it meant going against the orders of his superiors. In MY book, that makes him just as much a superhero as ANY cape-wearin' crimefighter and I'll argue that point all day long.

So did this fairly recent Dynamite Six Million Dollar Man mini hold up to my fond memory of that uniquely 70's superhero? Well. . .yes and no. Read on!

THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN: 

FALL OF MAN 

Dynamite (2016)

WRITER: Van Jensen

ART: Ron Salas

COVERS: Ron Salas

ISSUE ONE

CURSED IS THE GROUND

I really like that this story takes place right where it should. . .the late 1970's. A lot of times, writers will try to move characters forward into modern times, but there are certain characters who need to stay put. Lone Ranger and Zorro need to be in the 1800's. The Shadow is best in the 1930's. Green Hornet in the 1940-50's. The Bionic man is best in the 1970's as a high tech anomaly in a world on the edge of becoming high tech.

Really, the fact that Steve Austin IS an unexplained anomaly is the point of this story so far. Nobody really knows WHY out of all the subjects for the top secret project that made him the Bionic Man he is the only one that was successful.

When Austin finds out just HOW many others died during the project, he goes rogue to try and keep himself away from the government, who see him as their property and the key to building an army of bionic men like him.

This first issue is a great setup to what looks like it will be an interesting story.

BUT. . .

The art is barely functional and is pretty stiff in some places. The artist doesn't really capture the likeness of Lee Majors at all. It might be a licensing thing, but it's still a bit disappointing.

And then there's the ending cliffhanger. . .Steve Austin attacked by ninjas out of nowhere and saved by a billionaire with. . .LASER EYES! With such a great start, I was disappointed with the silliness of the ending.

That's a LOT of ninjas!

All in all, despite the clunky art and the silly cliffhanger ending, I liked this first issue. I just hope the ninjas and laser eyes don't signal a quick swerve off the rails. . .

NEXT!

ISSUE TWO

MAMA RUSSIA

Awwwww. . .no.

Second issue in and we're going off the rails. 

Steve Austin is offered a chance to become fully human again, but the catch is that he has to go into Soviet Germany and retrieve a Maguffin.

The whole issue is pretty much a long fight scene between Austin, clones and a giant lobster monster created in a mad scientist's laboratory. After a great first issue setup. Mutant Lobster Monsters?

Please.

No.

Putting aside the mad scientist's cloned monstrosities for a moment, the thing that made me roll my eyes in this issue is how random people keep mistaking Steve Austin for David Hasselhoff and making a big deal of it.

Of course, this plays off on the old meme that Hasselhoff is a huge star in Germany. But that particular meme is from the 90's, not the 70's. Hasselhoff wasn't even famous ANYWHERE until the 80's. Every time someone yells "It's The Hoff!", it clunks like a broken gear.

From out of place memes to cloned lobster monsters, this was not a good issue at all. Steve Austin deserves better than this. I deserve better than this. The world deserves better than this.

NEXT!

ISSUE THREE

THE TRAIN

I really liked the whole art direction on this one! The issue is pretty much all a running battle on top of and inside of a speeding train. The artist draws cutaway panels showing the simultaneous action above and below as a fluid, moving stream of action. This is presented through the whole comic as double-page spreads.

It's a really great idea, but the artist isn't really skilled enough to completely pull it off. In the hands of a better artist, it would be amazing. Still, credit where credit is due for at least TRYING to elevate things a bit.

And then the good stops when the giant lobster monster re-appears with the mad scientist riding on its back shooting a machine gun and shouting "Death to Capitalism!" Please. . .just stop. This isn't what I want in a Six Million Dollar Man story.

All in all, credit due for an interesting storytelling device with the art, but there's not much more to like about this issue. Moving along. . .

ISSUE FOUR

ABORT, RETRY, FAIL?

This issue was half and half good and bad. The good starts with a VERY nice cover!

Now that the lobster monster and Hasselhoffing shenanigans in Soviet Germany are done, the writer turns his attention toward the government conspiracy (introduced in the first issue) to use Steve Austin as the key to creating an army of thinking bionic men.

It turns out that Austin's new billionaire "friend" who has been "hiding" him from the government is ACTUALLY in league with the government to gain his confidence in order to find out what makes him tick. The plotting and conspiracy moves at the beginning are actually pretty good.

UNTIL. . .

We find out the woman Austin is falling in love with is a robot. And that a robot has infiltrated the O.S.I. (the organization that Austin works for). EVERYONE TURNS OUT TO BE A FRIGGIN' ROBOT! Okay, not EVERYONE, but there's quite a bit of ridiculous robotic revelation in this issue.

That's LOT of Robots!

Turns out the government has plenty of robots on hand, but they want thinking bionic men instead. Their only functioning Bionic Man isn't cooperating, so the government finally send out the 'bots to capture Steve Austin so they can take him apart the hard way.

All in all, it starts out nicely with conspiracy and politics, and ends up with a whole lot of robot punching. Way too much robot punching.

AND FINALLY. . .

ISSUE FIVE

AUTOPSY

And now, the big finish! Things start off on a good foot with another great cover.

Inside, it's pretty much all out action as Austin escapes from captivity, friends become enemies, enemies become friends, lots of robots are punched, Steve Austin chooses to take control of his own destiny, and things explode!

All in all, this story is nicely wrapped up in this issue, with Austin and O.S.I. both coming to realize that man is what makes the machine, NOT the other way around. . .that the secret of the Bionic Man is that Steve Austin himself is a hero and always will be. It's not something that can ever be duplicated in a laboratory or mass-produced.

A very nice conclusion to a story that's been pretty disappointing. I'm glad that series FINALLY delivered on the idea of Steve Austin being the hero I remember him to be. Too bad it had to come in the last issue.

CONCLUSION

Overall, despite the borderline bad art and some eye-rolling story beats (Lobster Monsters, Hasselhoffing, Almost everyone turning out to be a robot, etc. . .) I enjoyed this mini. It's far from the best comic story I've ever read, but it had enough decent moments to keep it from being completely bad.

BUT. . .that enjoyment was based on my existing love for this character.

I'm not sure I would heartily suggest it to anybody who wasn't alive in the 70's or isn't already a big Bionic Man fan. This is a pretty bad introduction to the character for new readers.

I think that (like I said above), Steve Austin is a man of his own time. Today, he's just another high tech hero among many, and to tell the truth, this mini wasn't impressive enough to make him stand out of the crowd like he did during the 70's.

I don't think this series did the character justice at all. It was okay, and there were a few moments where it became "Pretty Good", but it never really elevated itself beyond that. The art was pretty bad through the whole thing and the story never completely came together. This is another fine example of something that needed a stronger creative team.

As a fan of The Six Million Dollar Man, I'm sad to say that this was pretty disappointing, but still worth a read. If you're not a fan already, you'll probably be better off skipping it entirely.

Up Next. . .

With all the bad news in the world today, how about we lighten things up just a bit with some Spider-Man? Join me as I take a look at Marvel's five issue " Marvel Age: Spider-Man Team-Up" series.

It's everyone's favorite wall-crawler teaming up with The Fantastic Four, Kitty Pryde, Captain America, Rogue, Storm, and Thor! SPOILER ALERT: It's good old-fashioned four color FUN!

Be there or be square!

Longbox Junk - Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier

Yeah, yeah. . .I know.  I said Aliens vs. Predator was up next.  I found out I don't actually have all 4 issues of that series.  I'm missing the final issue.  I have 2 copies of different covers for #1, so I saw 4 issues in the box.

ANYWAY. . .How about some Captain America instead?

After Marvel backpedaled on the "Death" of Captain America and put the character through a convoluted wringer to get him back into continuity, they seemed to have had a bit of a problem deciding what to do next. 

I couldn't find much information about this stage of Cap's career, but this odd little mini looks like it was SUPPOSED to be an ongoing series. . .especially since it has an Annual issue (that I don't have), which is sort of strange for a mini.  And then there's the ending, clearly setting up an ongoing story with a character that never appeared anywhere else other than this mini.

I'm not sure what happened, but clearly Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier wasn't the Captain America fans had been waiting for.  But is it any good? Let's find out! 

STEVE ROGERS:

SUPER-SOLDIER

Marvel (2010)

SCRIPTS: Ed Brubaker

PENCILS: Dale Eaglesham

COVERS: Carlos Pacheco

ISSUE ONE

REBIRTH

Steve Rogers receives information that the grandson of Dr. Erskine (who developed the original super-soldier serum) has perfected the lost Super-Soldier formula and plans on selling it to the highest bidder. 

Rogers heads to Madripoor to put a stop to the auction and when Jacob Erskine is assassinated, discovers there's more to the story than he was led to believe. . . 

I really liked this first issue quite a bit. There's a lot of story packed into a single regular-sized issue. We get Captain America in less of a super-soldier and more of a super-spy role as he investigates Jacob Erskine and the return of the Super-Soldier formula. 

We see Rogers following leads, infiltrating a heavily-guarded hotel by way of disguise at a lavish party, and discovering threads of a larger conspiracy when Erskine turns out not to be the villain Cap thought. This reads more like a James Bond story than a Captain America comic, and I like the change a lot!

The art helps sell the story. . .nicely-detailed and darkly-inked lines and perfect colors that really make the panels pop. The action scenes are fluid and really showcase Cap's martial arts skills as he stealth-fights his way to the top of the hotel.

Captain America with tuxedos and femme fatales?  I like it!

Overall, this issue hits it out of the park, with an engaging super-spy story and fantastic art. All that PLUS a backup of Kirby and Simon's first Captain America story. . .which is interesting, but honestly hasn't aged well at all. 

This one's a winner!

ISSUE TWO

A PAST THAT KILLS

After Jacob Erskine is assassinated and dies in his arms, Steve Rogers follows a thin trail of clues through the Madripoor underground . 

He eventually ends up at an isolated beach house where he encounters Erskine's wife, who exactly resembles Roger's first lost love (Cynthia Glass) and finally discovers the mastermind behind the plot, Machinesmith. 

The second issue in this series remains strong, but not quite as strong as the first. Once again, we see Steve Rogers in super-spy mode as he beats his way through the Madripoor underworld following clues, stakes out Erskine's wife, and recon's her hideaway. 

I really like seeing Steve Rogers in a Espionage role. . .unfortunately, things get a bit weak at the end when he finally puts the pieces together and discovers that Anita Erskine is a super-realistic android created by Machinesmith. . .who traps Rogers and uses a ray to de-activate his Super Soldier serum. 

In other words, the story takes a turn from super-spy action into typical comic book fare. A bit disappointing.

Overall, this issue is very strong until the ending, with fantastic art and Captain America in James Bond mode. Unfortunately, the weak ending doesn't really make me want to jump into the next issue.

ISSUE THREE

OVERPOWERED AND UNDERMANNED

After his Super-Soldier serum has been neutralized by Machinesmith, Steve Rogers fights his way out of captivity and with the help of the android Anita Erskine, regains his power and sets out to stop the auction of the new Super-Soldier formula. 

This third issue slumps a bit compared to the previous two. I was liking the "James Bond Captain America" style that the first two issues established. . .this issue is full of supervillain monologues and posturing from Machinesmith. . .typical superhero stuff.

And then there's the ridiculous notion that Machinesmith was able to create such a perfect replica of a human being (Anita Erskine) based on only an old photograph of Captain America and Cynthia Glass from WWII that she/it was able to fool Captain America AND her husband, Jacob Erskine.

I'm not trying to be indelicate here, but. . .one would THINK that a man would notice something strange if he was sleeping with a robot! I mean. . .there's a lot of intimate details to consider when constructing the various sexy areas of an android, I would guess. AHEM. . .moving along!

ANYWAY. . .

The art remains extremely solid and there are some nice story moments where Steve reveals that just because he isn't super strong, that doesn't mean he forgot how to do some sweet KARATE! But this issue is the weakest so far. I'm a bit concerned that after a strong start, this isn't going to end well.

And finally. . .

ISSUE FOUR

HAVOC, SUPER-SOLDIER STYLE

Steve Rogers enlists the aid of Hank "Beast" McCoy and the android Anita Erskine to defeat Machinesmith before he can auction off the new Super-Soldier formula. . .but after the battle, he discovers that the whole thing was a ruse serving a higher conspiracy. 

Here we are at the big finish! Lots of robot punching, explosions, and heroic posing.

It ties up the story at hand nicely. . .the good guys win, of course. Unfortunately, the ending is more of a "to be continued" than a 'The End".

It's revealed in a short epilogue that Jacob Erskine wasn't actually killed, and is working for the Shadow Council. Making the whole story somewhat pointless, and in the words of Steve Rogers, "What was this mission all about, then?"

Obviously, it was all about setting up another story. . .which is fine, but this storyline was never resolved anywhere, which defeats the whole purpose of this mini.

Overall, a pretty weak ending with a lot of robot punching and a dangling end that was never resolved. Disappointing after such a strong beginning.

CONCLUSION

I have mixed feelings about this one.  On the one hand, we get Captain America in an unusual super-spy role.  On the other, we have an unresolved storyline and robot punching. 

Overall, I'd have to say that this was a valiant effort on the part of Marvel to try and do something different with Captain America, but this wasn't the Captain America the fans wanted, so we have a strange little relic. . .an obviously unfinished piece of work that just sort of lurks forgotten in bargain bins.

It's really not a bad little piece of Longbox Junk.  Give it a read if you want to see a bit of a different take on Captain America backed up by some great art.  If Marvel just had a LITTLE more spine and stuck with it, this could have been really good.

Up Next. . .

How about some pre-"Longbox Junk" comic reviews that nobody ever asked for?

Okay. . .that's not entirely true.  Somebody DID ask for these at one time. I actually wrote the reviews I'll be posting here for the next several weeks (maybe months?) on assignment for another website several years ago (For actual money! Imagine that! Getting paid for things on the internet!)

They were in a bit of a different format, so I've had to do some tweaking to fit them more into what I'm doing these days, but they're still going to look a bit different.  That said. . .by any other name or form it's STILL Longbox Junk!

I just hate to let all that work I did go to waste on a website that no longer cares about comic books at all (they're more focused on movies and T.V. these days), and they're CERTAINLY not interested in comics that don't filter into the popular culture any longer.  So I'm reclaiming my Longbox Junk and giving it back to YOU!  You're welcome.

Be there or be square!

Longbox Junk - Human Bomb

When I discovered these issues bundled at my local comic shop for 5 bucks, I had no idea who the Human Bomb was.  I just know a good Longbox Junk deal when I see it, and so I forked over Mr. Lincoln.

After a bit of research, I discovered a character with a long and illustrious history as a DC C-Lister. . .mostly on a team of heroes known as "Uncle Sam and The Freedom Fighters".  

I've seen a few issues of the series here and there, but to be completely honest, DC sort of sucks at patriotic comic heroes.  Except for the Big Blue Boy Scout, who else do they really have?  

No. . .when I want a dose of AMERICA, HELL YEAH! I go straight to the original Star Spangled Avenger, Captain F*CKING America.

But I paid 5 good American dollars for these four comics. . .what was I going to do, just let them sit there in a longbox unread?  Let's do this!

HUMAN BOMB

DC (2013)

SCRIPT: Justin Gray & Jimmy Palmiotti

PENCILS: Jerry Ordway

COVERS: Jerry Ordway

ISSUE ONE

MAD, BAD AND DANGEROUS TO KNOW

Former Marine turned construction worker Michael Taylor has one of the worst days ever when, after having nightmares about blowing up the White House, suicide bombers start exploding around New York City, including one of the men from his old unit.

Taylor somehow contains the explosion, and finds himself pursued by mysterious men in black. During the fight for his life, he discovers that he suddenly has explosive powers. 

In the meantime, Taylor's running battle through the streets of New York is being observed by the mysterious organization called S.H.A.D.E.

So what we have here is the first issue of a series that was SUPPOSED to connect with 3 other New 52 character reboots (Doll Man, Phantom Lady, and The Ray) for a reboot of Uncle Sam and The Freedom Fighters that never happened. 

The extremely forgettable nature of this particular part of that reboot might have something to do with why it never came to be.

As a character introduction, Human Bomb #1 falls flat by giving us a main character that is about as two-dimensional as can be. Beyond "Former Marine and War Hero" Michael Taylor has no personality at all. 

He's thrown into the middle of mysterious circumstances and discovers that he has incredible powers, and it comes off about exciting as. . .well. . .slightly interesting.

The art is about as solid, workmanlike, and interesting as the story. It's neither bad or good. . .it's just sort of there. 

About the only thing worthy of note with this comic is that it seems to be solidly grounded in Post 9/11 America, being set in New York City and with Taylor being a construction worker at Ground Zero on the Freedom Tower and a veteran of Afghanistan. . .a bold choice of setting more in step with Marvel's real world locations than DC's usual fictional America.

Overall, beyond a strange setting for DC and a mildly interesting conspiracy that seems to be behind events, there's not much to recommend about this comic.

ISSUE TWO

TICKING CLOCK

After Taylor is saved by S.H.A.D.E., he discovers that his powers stem from being kidnapped and experimented on by an organization called C.R.O.W.N. while in Iraq. Because he already had a hidden metahuman gene, he is able to control his explosive powers instead of becoming a suicide bomber controlled by C.R.O.W.N.

After a half day of training with S.H.A.D.E.'s resident telepath/ info dumper, Taylor is recruited for a mission to destroy a C.R.O.W.N. facility. On the way, he learns that C.R.O.W.N. are actually parasitic aliens bent on domination of the world.

Once inside the C.R.O.W.N. facility, the team discovers thousands of humans in stasis, each of them highly-dangerous human bombs. Then they are attacked by a horde of C.R.O.W.N.'s synthetic robot slaves.

This second issue is mostly taken up with info dumping and introduction to some supporting characters just as two dimensional as Michael Taylor himself, including Uncle Sam (AKA stalwart S.H.A.D.E. leader and MCU Nick Fury clone. . .at least in his New 52 form) Jean (AKA telepathic info dump and excuse to have boobs in the comic), and S.H.I.E.L.D. er. . .oops. . .S.H.A.D.E. (AKA government shadow ops organization with lots of cannon fodder troops).

The art remains solid, workmanlike, and as utterly uninteresting as the main character himself.

Basically what we have here is a mediocre effort to build up a New 52 version of Marvel's S.H.I.E.L.D. that they did better with Spyral. And then there's aliens. . .and robot punching.

ISSUE THREE

BEHIND ENEMY LINES

After Taylor and the S.H.A.D.E. team survive attacks by killer robots and then their alien masters, the location of another alien base is discovered during the telepathic interrogation of an alien prisoner.

Taylor and Jean travel to a small town that has been completely dominated by aliens, and after fighting their way through the zombie-like townfolk, destroy the alien queen controlling them. But as the base collapses around them, Taylor and Jean find themselves teleported to the main alien base. . .on a moon of Jupiter.

Robots and aliens and zombies. . .OH MY!

Where the first issue was a somewhat bland introduction to the main character, and the second was a massive info dump, this third issue is pretty much all punching and 'Sploding.

New powers are piled on for Taylor as they become useful. First it is established that he causes explosive chain reactions as long as he's touching something and whatever else is touching that. . .handy for 'Sploding a huge horde of robots surrounding him. But THEN later it shows him throwing balls of explosive fire without touching anything. . .handy for 'Sploding aliens. A good example of the laziness that went into the writing of this mini.

So we have a barely-sketched hero with inconsistent powers, robot punching, zombies, and art that tells the story, but doesn't try very hard to do anything else.

Not good.

ISSUE FOUR

THE ULTIMATE SACRIFICE

Taylor and Joan find themselves trapped on a massive alien base on one of Jupiter's moons.

With no way to escape, they decide to destroy the base, even if they die in the process. After telepathically sending out a distress signal and discovering the aliens are mining the moon for fuel with a huge shaft going to its core, Joan is killed.

A vengeful Taylor jumps into the shaft and completely destroys the moon and the alien base along with it. After being rescued by a Green Lantern and returned to Earth, Taylor is offered a place on S.H.A.D.E.'s new superhuman team.

And here we are at the big finish.

Taylor 'Splodes A WHOLE F*CKING MOON and survives without a scratch.

He jumps into a shaft leading into the moon's core and explodes the goddamn moon to pieces. . .then is shown floating in space among the debris wearing a pristine space suit before being rescued by Kyle Rayner.

There's a little more to the story. Lots of 'Sploding aliens and a bit of giant robot punching. Then the last page reveal of the new team that never got a single issue of comic time. But that all falls to the wayside compared to the utter lazy $hit writing of a human being surviving the explosive destruction of a goddamn moon.

This final issue is titled "The Ultimate Sacrifice". As far as I can tell, the "Ultimate Sacrifice" is that of the hour it took me to read these four comic books. I WANT MY F*CKING HOUR BACK, DC!

CONCLUSION

This was SUPPOSED to be part of a New 52 resurrection of Uncle Sam and The Freedom Fighters.  I haven't read either of the other two mini's that were a part of that idea (Phantom Lady and The Ray), but if they were as bad as Human Bomb, I can see why the whole project was quietly scrapped.

From forgettable, barely-sketched characters to inconsistent powers to cliche robot punching, the writing just seemed half-hearted.  The art was extremely plain and workmanlike.  Not a single panel stood out in any way.  I'm not saying the writing and art was bad.  But I'm not saying it was good, either.  I'm saying that this series looks like something that minimal effort was put into.

When I bought these comics, I had never heard of Human Bomb.  Now I know why.

Up Next. . .

Let's take a look at a DC mini that asks a question I'm sure we've all asked ourselves at one time or another: "What happens when the Joker shows up in Gotham and Batman is off somewhere else with The Justice League?"  It's Tim Drake (AKA Robin) putting on his big boy pants in Robin II: The Joker's Wild. 

Be there or be square!

Longbox Junk - Black & White

Welcome to Longbox Junk, where I write comic reviews that nobody asked for!

To me, a dollar box is like a "you pick it" junkyard.

You get your hands dirty to do some digging and sometimes you find just the thing you need.  Every now and then you discover something you never knew you wanted.  But most of the time you just find junk.

Travel back to 1994 with me and take a look at this relic of Image's "We REALLY want to be Marvel!" Superhero days I pulled from the dollar box junkyard.  Trash or treasure?

Let's find out!

BLACK AND WHITE
IMAGE (1994 - 1995)

ISSUE ONE
BLACK

SCRIPT: Art Thibert & Pamela Thibert

PENCILS: Art Thibert

COVER: Art Thibert

Master Criminal Chang kills most of the Samsung family in a bid to steal their property and claim the secrets lying buried beneath it. 

Wealthy British spy and wannabe superhero Reed Blackett breaks Whitney Samsung out of an insane asylum in order to team up and stop Chang. Unfortunately, Whitney doesn't plan on taking orders from anyone and jumps right into trouble. 

This comic is a perfect example of Image's "We REALLY want to be Marvel" 1990's superhero overload heyday. 

In line with Image's creative control policies at the time, this comic is pretty much a one man show by Art Thibert, and like many other one man shows, the lack of editorial oversight damages the finished product.

Where to start. . .

There are obvious nods to Batman (or Moon Knight, since Image wanted to be Marvel so bad. Same difference) with the super-wealthy Reed Blackett and his trusty servant, Brookes Grey wearing the rich playboy mask during the day and suiting up for high-tech vigilante crimefighting by night.

The dialogue is stilted, and the reader is dropped right into the middle of the story with very little explanation of who is who and what is what beyond that there's an obviously evil guy who wants something buried beneath a family's property, and there is a rich vigilante and the last survivor of the family who want to stop him.

The art is decent. It's pretty derivative of the "Image House Style" of the time, with lots of clenched teeth, overly-designed costumes, spiky hair and guns with oddly-shaped barrels. But for all that, it's not full-on Liefeld but more along the lines of Trevor Scott, so it's not too over the top for 1990's Image art.

Overall, this opening issue is sort of a hot mess. You have a derivative hero, not much of an introduction, clunky dialogue, and "seen it already in every other Image superhero comic" art. I can definitely see why this series was pretty much forgotten.

ISSUE TWO

WHITE

SCRIPT: Art Thibert & Pamela Thibert

PENCILS: Art Thibert

COVER: Art Thibert

After helping Whitney Samsung (White) escape Chang, she agrees to team up with Reed Blackett (Black) to take her family's killer down. Unfortunately, the team has different ideas on how to go about it. . .Black wants nonlethal justice, while White wants bloody revenge. 

During an attack on Chang's warehouse where he has been building an army of robots, Black and White finally come together as a team, but Chang escapes, blowing up the warehouse with them trapped inside. 

This issue slows down a bit for a little background, letting us know that Black works for British spy agency M-10 and that White's family was killed in front of her by Chang when she was 10 years old.

The Batman/Moon Knight moments become laughably obvious as Alfred. . .er. . .GREY. . .enters the secret lair beneath Blackett's mansion via secret fireplace entrance. Also, for some reason not explained, Blackett hates guns, so he has Grey modify bullets so that they inject knockout drugs into people he shoots instead of killing them.

Batman beats aside, the writing on this comic is pretty bad in general, with White in particular suffering as little more than an excuse to have some boobs in the comic. She's barely sketched as a character beyond "bloodthirsty hothead that must be kept under control" and her dialogue is clunky and awkward enough to be laughable at times.

The art remains the strong point on this comic, especially the awesomely 90's boob-tastic cover. Unfortunately the decent art is not enough to save this issue from being utterly average and forgettable.

ISSUE THREE

GREY

SCRIPT: Art Thibert & Pamela Thibert

PENCILS: Art Thibert

COVER: Art Thibert

After surviving Chang's trap, Black and White rush into the final confrontation with their enemy, who is trying to leave the country with a plane full of killer robots. 

And finally we come to the big finish!

And it's kind of crap. Not just any crap, but that special kind of all-action Image 90's crap. It's a nostalgic sort of crap, with just a whiff of desperation wafting from the letters page, where we are repeatedly told that Black and White will be an ongoing series. . .even though that ongoing series consisted of a single, lonely issue. 

And then there's giant robot punching.

Thank God it's over.

CONCLUSION

What we have here is a trip back to a particular moment in time, and it's not a great moment. 

 It was just before the comic market pretty much collapsed under its own weight because there were so many new series starting up so that collectors could catch that SWEET #1 issue that was going to be worth a fortune!  The gimmick and variant covers. . .the X-treme characters. . .belts and pouches and straps, OH MY!

Black and White is definitely a product of its time.  It's really not a very good series, but it's not awful.  If I had to describe it in one word, it would be: Forgettable.  It's a perfect example of everything that was wrong with comic books in the mid-1990's.  In the rush to push out more and more product for collectors, 95% of it was forgettable crap. . .like Black and White.  

If nothing else, Black and White is interesting as a sort of time capsule, but beyond that it's pretty much the definition of Longbox Junk.

Up Next. . .

New 52.  Those 4 syllables are some of the most controversial in the recent history of DC comics.  People seemed to either love it or hate it, without much gray area in between.

Join me as I take a look at a piece of that gray area and a forgotten hero of the New 52. . . The Human Bomb!

Be there or be square!

Longbox Junk - Wolverine/Gambit: Victims

As far as Marvel is concerned, EVERYTHING is better with a little Wolverine in it.
Let's take a trip back to 1995 and put that theory to the test, shall we?

WOLVERINE/GAMBIT: VICTIMS



MARVEL (1995)
SCRIPTS: Jeph Loeb
PENCILS: Tim Sale
COVERS: Tim Sale

ISSUE ONE

IN HARM'S WAY

The X-Men's Gambit travels to London to investigate the death of an old friend, one in a string of murders of women that seem to mirror those of Jack The Ripper. He quickly finds himself hunted by the police and running into fellow X-Man Wolverine. . .who can't explain why he's in London or why he's covered in blood. 

Not a bad start for this mini. The story hook of Wolverine possibly being a serial killer is a decent one, but it's pretty obvious that's not how this is going to play out. 

This issue is more of a Gambit comic, with Wolverine showing up only in the final couple pages and being told from Gambit's point of view. I like that the focus was more on Gambit investigating than on superheroics and punching through problems.

Tim Sale's art is really good on this issue. I'm a fan of Sale but he can sometimes get a bit over-impressionistic. Except for Gambit's face sometimes looking demonic or like a vampire, there's nothing holding this comic back from being a showcase for his dark and moody style. 

Overall, a great opening issue that makes me want to get right into the next one.

ISSUE 2

IN DEEP

After Wolverine and Gambit escape from an elite anti-terrorist unit with the help of a mysterious and beautiful woman claiming to be working for Interpol and Nick Fury, they find themselves trapped in an underground maze of sewer tunnels. . . 

After a great opening issue, things take a turn for the worse with this second part.

It turns out that Gambit and Wolverine are being played for suckers in some sort of game being played by the villain Arcade and the mysterious woman (who turns out to be the daughter of the villain Mastermind), but the book is completely propped up with a series of coincidences and unexplained situations that lay a convoluted trail to the final villain reveal.

The art also takes a bit of a turn as well. . .while still generally good, Sale begins to indulge in some of his particular habits of over-exaggeration, with the features of Gambit becoming more gaunt and demonic and Wolverine becoming more bloated and muscular as the issue goes on.

Overall, I wouldn't call this issue BAD. . .I'd just say it's not as good as the first and showing signs of the typically worst parts of Loeb/Sale collaborations.

ISSUE 3

NO WAY OUT

The villains Arcade and the New Mastermind manipulate the thoughts and memories of Wolverine and Gambit, forcing the heroes to fight each other. 

Not sure what Arcade and Mastermind's end game is, but Mastermind has the ability to manipulate memories, so most of this issue is Gambit flashing back to when he met the detective whose death he was investigating, and Wolverine married to Mariko and living happily in Japan.

Gambit manages to fight his way free and somehow is able to enter Wolverine's flashback in order to try and bring him back to the real world. . .all while the villains laugh evilly. 

Sales art swerves back to very strong here, with Wolverine's scenes in Japan being exceptionally good. . .but the story is a bit weak and riddled with holes. A cliche "heroes fight until they realize they're being used", then escape and villain beat-down for the next issue is obviously projected.

All in all, this third issue has some of the best art so far, but that great art is in service to a weak story that pretty much is nothing but setup for the finale.

ISSUE 4

A WOMAN SCORNED

When Mastermind discovers that she is being used by Arcade, the two villains turn on each other, giving Gambit and Wolverine the chance to escape captivity and bring their scheme to an end.

The final issue brings it all together in a hot mess of robot punching, deus ex machina, dangling plot threads, and things that have absolutely nothing to do with the previous 3 issues being extremely important to the conclusion.

The good news is that while the writing has been on a steady downward curve since the first issue, the art has been on an upward curve, with this issue having probably the best art in the set, especially the final scenes of Wolverine and Gambit in a graveyard discussing what happens next in their lives (SPOILER: They're both going to remain gloomy a$$holes for the time being).

Overall, this issue feels disconnected with the other 3. Instead of finishing up THIS story in a satisfactory way, it seems to want to set up future story threads. 

It wasn't until this issue that I realized the whole mini was ACTUALLY for the introduction of the New Mastermind to the Marvel Universe.

And here, I thought it was a Wolverine/Gambit teamup.

CONCLUSION

If I had to describe this mini-series in one word, it would have to be: Misleading.

On the surface, it obviously seems to be a Wolverine/Gambit teamup comic, but in reality it's the introduction of a new villain to the Marvel Universe (Mastermind II).  Of course, this doesn't become clear until the final issue.  By the time you realize the true purpose of the story, it's over with.   I'm not sure if that's extremely clever or just plain deceptive.

That aside, this mini is pretty forgettable.  The story is okay.  The art is pretty good.  Neither is great in any way.  There's nothing standing out as excellent or memorable. This mini is like a popcorn action movie that you forget the plot to immediately after leaving the theater.  It's not BAD, but it's not good either.  It's just sort of. . .there.  I found these comics in the dollar box.  That's right where they belong.

Up Next. . .

How about some more 90's -Tastic Wolverine Team Up Action? Iron Fist/Wolverine, then more Punisher/Wolverine, then some Elektra/Wolverine and THEN Nightman/Wolverine!

Just kidding.  No more Wolverine teamups for now.

HEY! Anybody remember the time that Jonah Hex traveled to the future for some apocalyptic mayhem? DC's HEX. . .all 18 goddamn issues.

Be there or be square!