Longbox Junk - Catwoman #50

Welcome to Longbox Junk, where the comics are cheap and the reviews are free!

Like it or lump it, comics in the 90s had a style of their own.  You can just LOOK at a comic book without knowing a thing about it and know that it's a 90s comic.  This is mostly because of Rob Liefeld and Company at Image Comics.  They DEFINITELY put a stamp on the 90s that the "Big Two" scrambled hard to keep up with.

And when you think of that 90s style, what comes to mind?  Pouches, right? Straps and belts? Gritted teeth? Tiny feet? Giant, weird guns? Yep. . .all of that, but one of the things that simply SCREAMS 90s to ME is characters getting a shiny new suit of armor.

I think maybe the most famous example of this is Batman, but there were MANY characters in the 90s who got an unfortunate makeover featuring a suit of armor.  Captain America, Daredevil, Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, Spider-Man. . .and more, but that's all I can think of off the top of my head.

And Catwoman.  Yep. . .DC put some armor on Catwoman, of all characters.  It didn't last long, so it's one of the more obscure 90s armor makeovers, but yeah. . .Catwoman.

Let's take a look, shall we?

WE SHALL!

CATWOMAN #50

DC (1997)

COVER: Jim Balent

CATS IN THE NIGHT

SCRIPT: Doug Moench

PENCILS: Jim Balent

INKS: Robert Campenella & Sal Buscema

THE COVER:

Gritted teeth, tiny feet, armor. Yep. . .this is definitely a 90s comic.  You can tell without even opening it up.  That said, it's a pretty cool cover.  You can't really tell because gimmick covers are hard to scan, but the whole grey tone background is actually shiny silver ink with Catwoman, the title, and the splash on top.  It's a nice contrast.  The purple and yellow really goes well with the silver ink. 

 I'd go so far to say that this might be one of my favorite 90s gimmick covers.  It never makes any "Top Ten" lists, but in MY book it's a winner! Let's get inside this thing.

THE STORY:

We begin our tale with Catwoman in her element, at night on a rooftop, on her way to steal some diamonds.  She thinks the caper is going to be a cakewalk. . .but what kind of comic book fun is THAT?

Out of nowhere, she's targeted by a missile that narrowly misses her!  The explosion briefly knocks Catwoman unconscious.  When she wakes, confused, she tries to find the source of the attack and fails.  As she's deciding whether or not to continue with the planned theft, she's attacked again!

Catwoman immediately recognizes her attacker. . .Cyber-Cat!  She'd recently had a run-in with her during a job at a Syntex lab (a few issues previously) and now it looked like Cyber-Cat was out for revenge!

Catwoman desperately fights for her life against her armored attacker, but it's definitely a one-sided battle as Cyber-Cat brutally beats on her, blaming Catwoman for humiliating her during their first encounter.  Catwoman knows there's no way she's winning the fight, and so she decides to run. . .

Catwoman manages to elude Cyber-Cat, who shouts that she's not going to stop hunting Catwoman until she has her revenge with the thief's death.  Catwoman knows that Cyber-Cat means it, and she won't be able to go back to business as usual until the armored menace is dealt with. . .but in her current state, that's not happening.

As Cyber-Cat leaves the scene, Catwoman carefully follows her. . .discovering her hidden base.  But at the moment, she's in no shape to do anything about it.

We cut away from Catwoman and Cybercat for a bit of exposition!

A Syntex scientist is being interrogated by two mysterious Men in Black.  We learn that Cyber-Cat is a former Syntex scientist as well, named Christina Chiles.  She left Syntex two weeks previously and took an experimental suit of Cortically Amplified Technid armor (C.A.T. Get it? Get it? GET IT!?) with her.

The armor was still in its testing phase and only matched to Chiles' brainwave patterns, so she was the only person who could use it.  The scientist being interrogated believes that Chiles is convinced she's still testing the armor and using her vendetta against Catwoman to do so.

Switching back to Catwoman, she makes her way to the mansion of one of her underworld contacts. . .a wealthy dwarf known as Zee.  She informs him that the job was a failure and that she's in some serious trouble that only a mutual acquaintance named Clutterbuck can help her with.  

Clutterbuck is Catwoman's go-to tech expert.  She tells him about Cyber-Cat and asks him to put something together to even the fight.  Clutterbuck agrees to take on the job, but it will take a couple of days. 

 Catwoman returns to her apartment to rest, recuperate from her wounds, and lay low as her alter-ego Selina Kyle while she's waiting for Clutterbuck to come through for her.

While Selina waits for Clutterbuck, she decides to work a bit on her budding relationship with Detective Morland McShane. . .a cop who is obsessed with taking down Catwoman and an unlikely choice of romantic partner.  Selina is unsure of whether or not to continue building the relationship. And if she does, will it be to stay close to her most persistent hunter, or to try to make an honest go of it?

Okay. . .character development over. Back to sexy supercrime action!  

But first, I'd just like to point out that, while Jim Balent is one of the better DC 90s artists, he can't draw cats. . .which would seem to be sort of a bad thing in a CATWOMAN comic.  

BUT I DIGRESS!

After several pages of out-of-costume character development and setup for conflict in issues to come, Selina returns to Clutterbuck to take a look at what he's come up with to even the odds against Cyber-Cat.

It's a shiny new high-tech suit of 90s armor, of course!  

BEHOLD!!

Now THAT'S 90s!

Catwoman isn't so sure about the idea, but Clutterbuck manages to convince her.  After all, it was rush job, built in two days on a shoestring budget by a weirdo living in a junkyard. What could possibly go wrong?

So Selina pays Clutterbuck and takes the armor out for some practice. . .including an obligatory "Knightfall Era" reference to Batman's new armor.  She figures if it works for him, it will probably work for her.

Once she's got the feel for her shiny new 90s makeover, Catwoman decides to forget about her usual stealth and cunning and goes for a full frontal attack on Cyber-Cat's hidden base!  

Once inside, Catwoman finds the warehouse empty, but as she investigates, she triggers a trap and is attacked by two remote mini-robotic tanks!  Catwoman tries to escape, but eventually finds herself cornered and desperately fighting against the heavily-armed robots.  She manages to destroy them, but is confronted by Cyber-Cat. . .

Cyber-Cat is enraged by Catwoman's destruction of her expensive robotic guards.  But, at the same time, is happy that instead of having to hunt Catwoman again, she's come to her.  

Catwoman tries to talk to Cyber-Cat, but she's not having it. . .the fight is ON!  DING-DING-DING!

Over the course of the next seven pages, Catwoman and Cyber-Cat engage in brutal battle. . .trading the advantage back and forth several times as they both use every trick in their armor suits to gain the upper hand.

The battle rages back and forth until Catwoman finally deals Cyber-Cat a crippling blow. . .a massive explosion that sets Cyber-Cat on fire and causes her systems to eject her burning armor, leaving the woman inside. . .Christina Chiles, exposed to the victorious Catwoman!

With Chiles no longer being Cyber-Cat, but a sobbing and exposed woman denied her revenge, Catwoman tells her to never come after her again or she'll finish the job.  She leaves the scene of the fight just as the mysterious men in black arrive to take Chiles into custody.

EPILOGUE:

Catwoman returns to Clutterbuck, telling him to destroy the armor.  It evened the odds in the fight against Cyber-Cat, but it just isn't who Catwoman is.  She'd rather face the night on her own terms than try to be something she's not.

The End.

THE REVIEW:

And there you have it!  One of the shortest 90s armor makeovers out there.  Just one issue.

Let's break it on down!

I've said it before. . .Doug Moench isn't my favorite comic writer.  THAT SAID. . .he's a good comic writer and you can always count on him putting his own mark on any character he writes.  I'm not much of a Catwoman fan, so I can't speak for his writing on the series in general, but I can definitely see the trademark Doug Moench touch in this issue.

On the surface, this is just an action-packed Catwoman issue that can be easily read as a stand-alone adventure.  Not much to it.  But if you look deeper and get into that Doug Moench touch, you can see that this is ACTUALLY a bit of a meta commentary on all the 90s makeovers surrounding it.

Moench first makes Catwoman buy into the whole thing. . .after all, it worked for Batman, right?  But then has her decline the new look after trying it out for only one issue.  It just isn't her, and she can stand on her own without the gimmicks. 

This whole story is basically Doug Moench flipping the bird at the prevailing trends of the 90s to make characters darker, grittier, and much more pouchy (or armored) just to try and grab readers by copycatting certain popular art styles (namely Image's art style) instead of writing cool comic book stories.  It's like Moench is saying he CAN put Catwoman into a suit of armor and still make it a decent story, but does he really NEED to?

When I realized what I was reading between the lines, this otherwise throwaway story suddenly gave me a big smile!  RIGHT in the middle of a huge shakeup of comic books, here was a writer that was giving readers a quiet and understated "No thank you".

On the art side of things. . .

I have to admit that I really like the look of Catwoman's armor.  I'm wondering if Moench and Balent didn't decide to purposely create something really cool-looking that fans might have actually been on board with, just to help drive home the point of Catwoman rejecting it in favor of just being herself.  

Despite not being able to draw cats very well, Jim Balent really gives the art in this issue a great flow, with interesting panels and "camera" angles that give the action scenes a very nice sense of motion across the page.  Yeah, it's about as 90s as 90s art can get outside of an Image comic, but it's the GOOD kind of 90s art.

  There are a few pages here and there that really shine and showcase Balent's talent. . .the first splash page and the last page (both scanned above) come directly to mind as examples.  I've never been much of a Catwoman fan, but I wouldn't mind getting my eyes on some more of Jim Balent's art.  I think I'll keep my eye out for some more Catwoman issues in the bargain bins.

CONCLUSION

This is it.  Catwoman's 90s makeover lasted exactly ONE issue and we wouldn't get another taste of Catwoman in armor again. . .unless you count DC's science fiction themed "1,000,000" series of annual issues from 1998, where we got a far future version of Catwoman sporting some shiny 90s armor.

But this time, with a GUN!

But other than that?  DC let Catwoman stay in spandex.  How much Doug Moench's gentle prod of a story in this issue had to do with that, I don't know.  I like to think that it had something to do with it, and thinking about one writer standing up to the prevailing trends of 90s comics trying to chase Image's success makes me a bit happy.

For the underlying story alone, I'll heartily recommend this issue for those who are interested in what was going on in comics during the 90s.  It seems like there was a little bit of creative pushback.  I've seen it in some other comics as well, but this one has a certain understated touch on the subject that makes it stand out a little bit.

But even the story between the lines aside, this is a pretty good issue.  It has a solid, straightforward, action-packed story that doesn't lean too heavily on continuity (aside from a few pages of out of costume character development), so it can be enjoyed on its own.  The story is backed up with some pretty good (and even great in a couple of spots) 90s-style art. . .but the good kind of 90s art.

All in all, not a bad issue.  I'm not sure if it's been collected or not, but this issue can be found pretty easily in the bargain bins.  I come across it fairly often, so if you like your 90s comics, keep an eye out for this one and give it a read.

Up Next. . .

How about a retro review?

Let's head back to the swingin' 60s for a Longbox Junk look at a science fiction superhero made for the atomic age. . .I'm talkin' about DOCTOR SOLAR, MAN OF THE ATOM!

Be there or be square.

Longbox Junk - Black Diamond #1

Welcome to Longbox Junk, the place to find all the comic book reviews you never asked for!

I have a strange love for comic book tie-ins to stuff.  Movies, T.V. shows, video games, toys, what have you.  I just really like it when a comic book is able to move beyond what's already there.

I think maybe of all the comic tie-ins, the most successful in MY estimation is probably Star Wars. Back in the day when all we had were a couple of movies, the Star Wars comics definitely scratched that "I want more!" itch.  And truthfully, they still do.

But we ain't talking about Star Wars!

The comic at hand is a tie-in to an 80s action movie called Black Diamond.  A sort of female James Bond movie, if you will.  A globe-trotting adventurer pulling off crazy spy missions under the cover of being an internationally-famous model.  Starring one of the most successful of the 80s "B-Movie Queens", Sybil Danning.  Sounds decent, right?

But the movie never got made.  There's just this short comic tie-in series (5 issues, but I've only ever seen this one) to even indicate that it ever WAS going to be made.  There's literally no information on the internet about Black Diamond beyond the dry creator and publication details for this comic.

So there's no Black Diamond movie.  But we DO have this comic.  Let's check it out!

BLACK DIAMOND #1

AC/Americomics (1983)

COVER: Bill Black

THE COVER:

I like it!  The bold red background really grabs the eye and sets off both the giant title at the top and the nicely-done portrait of Black Diamond in the middle.  Yeah, the spike heels ARE a bit ridiculous, but the rest of this cover is really engaging.  definitely a very nice cover. It makes me want to get inside and see what's going on, so let's do that!

THE STORIES:

For an 80s comic, this issue is pretty packed.  Of course, two bucks back in '83 WAS a pretty stiff price, but for your two dollars you get two full stories (Really parts 1 and 2 of a continuing story), a shorter five page comic story, and several one and two page features introducing characters and talking about the upcoming movie that never got made.  

All that AND a sexy promotional photo poster of Sybil Danning as Black Diamond! 

Bewb-Tastic!

Like I said, this thing is PACKED for an 80s comic!  Let's check it all out. . .

THE DARKFIRE AFFAIR: GAUNTLET

SCRIPT:  Bill Black

PENCILS:  Bill Black

INKS:  Bill Black

THE STORY:

Before we get into the story proper, we get a one page black and white introduction to Black Diamond, courtesy of the one and only Paul Gulacy (who apparently also did the rest of the covers of the series beyond this first issue).

We start off with a flashback to a year previous to the current story.  Black Diamond has infiltrated the security of a Quansa (a worldwide criminal organization) in order to obtain a file of Quansa moles working as double agents in her own agency, Infocom Three.

After making her escape with the file, she discovers to her horror that her lover, Jack Burton, is one of the double agents!  She knows that she'll have to be the one to take him down.

We move forward to the present day.  Black Diamond is given a new assignment from her Infocom Three superior.  She's to go to New York City and investigate the presence of an elite group of female Quansa mercenaries called the Valkyrie Unit. . .led by a ruthless woman named Vanessa Cord, AKA Darkfire.  

Their being in New York signals that Quansa is up to something big, and Black Diamond needs to be there  to take it down!

Before Black Diamond even gets out of her apartment and on her way to the airport, she's attacked by one of Darkfire's mercenaries.  Black Diamond realizes that somehow, Darkfires knows she's on the job, so there must still be moles in Infocom Three.

At the airport, Black Diamond is attacked by three more Valkyrie Unit mercenaries.  As she fights them through the airport, Black Diamond wonders just what could be big enough for Darkfire and Quansa to risk such a public display.

After beating the three Valkyrie mercenaries, Black Diamond is forced to evade the authorities by way of an impromptu disguise in order to board her plane to New York.

To be continued. . .

THE REVIEW:

Okay. . .not bad.  Not great.  Not anywhere close to great, but not bad.  The story has a feel to it that reminds me of some of the Silver Age spy/action comics I've read.  Like something Dell or Gold Key would have put out. Or maybe like DC's I-Spy.  The dialogue is pretty cheesy and quippy, but there's a certain charm to it, a certain throwback quality that I can't really fault too much.

The art also has a Silver Age throwback look to it.  There's no real standout moments, but there's no really bad spots either.  It helps tell the story, but doesn't try to do anything beyond that. . .which also reminds me a lot of a Silver Age non-superhero comic  books I've read.   

All in all, it's a decent, but forgettable story that really throws off some Silver Age comic vibes.

NEXT!

BLACK DIAMOND 

(Two page text feature with photographs)

SCRIPT: Bill Black

What we have here is a bit of background on Sybil Danning and some of her upcoming roles, including pretty much all the information to be found on the Black Diamond movie.  It also tells how the comic book tie-in came into existence.  It's pretty interesting, and also pretty cool that they included something like this.   

NEXT!

THE DARKFIRE AFFAIR: MINDTRAP!

SCRIPT: Bill Black

PENCILS:  Mark Beachum & Bill Black

INKS: Bill Black

THE STORY:

Continuing from the first part of the story (above), we join Black Diamond on the flight to New York, where she's asleep and dreaming of the past.  After discovering that her lover and fellow agent Jack Burton is a double agent, Black Diamond is assigned to take him down.

After confronting him with the truth, Black Diamond shoots Burton with a knockout dart.  Instead of killing him, she plants criminal evidence on him and leaves him for the authorities.

Arriving in New York, Black Diamond goes to the secret headquarters of Infocom Three for a meeting with its head, General Van Pelt.  At the meeting, Van Pelt reveals that Darkfire (from part one, above) is involved with a Quansa plot to steal an experimental mind control device.

Their strongest lead indicates that the device was tested on another Infocom Three agent at a New York warehouse.  Black Diamond immediately leaves to investigate.

At the warehouse, a group of Darkfire's mercenaries wait to spring a trap on Black Diamond, but she gets the drop on them.  After fighting her way through the mercenaries, she confronts the last one and demands answers.  

The mercenary kills herself as Black Diamond watches in shock.  A nearby video screen comes on and Darkfire informs Black Diamond that she's just witnessed the power of the mind control device, and that Darkfire plans on using it on Black Diamond, so that the secret agent will be the instrument of destruction for Infocom Three!

Darkfire triggers explosives, demolishing the warehouse as Black Diamond narrowly makes her escape.  Outside of the burning building, Black Diamond wonders why Darkfire seems to have a personal vendetta against her.  All she really knows is that the Quansa mercenary needs to be stopped at any cost!

Coming next. . .Black Diamond in SPAAAAAAAAACE!

THE REVIEW:

Once again, definite Silver Age comic vibes from both the story and art.  For what it is, it's not bad.  Unfortunately, it's not really that good, either.  It's a pretty forgettable story that doesn't really grab me and make me want to see what's next, even WITH the promise of our heroine going into space in the next issue.  And when a comic involving a hot blonde having spy adventures in orbit doesn't really interest me, that's a definite first issue failure.

Let's see what else this issue has to offer. . .

INTRODUCING COLT THE WEAPONS MISTRESS

SCRIPT: Don Secrease

PENCILS: Don Secrease

INKS:  Bill Black

It's a one page introduction for the first appearance of a character that was a lot more popular for AC Comics than Black Diamond seems to have been.  You can see the whole thing below, but basically, Colt is the daughter of a military arms expert who married a government agent and worked together as a husband and wife spy team until her husband was killed.  Now Colt is a private agent looking for revenge.

Hmmmm. . .not much to say about this.  The art is nice, but her special weapon, the "Clipper" seems to be a bit derivative of Judge Dredd's gun, the "Lawgiver".  And when I say derivative, I mean it's pretty much exactly the same.

NEXT!

SQUEEZE PLAY

SCRIPT: Don Secrease

PENCILS: Don Secrease

INKS: Rick Burchett

THE STORY:

We begin in a meeting room at a government installation, where a group of high-ranking U.S. military officers are getting a presentation on a new experimental submachine gun.  A presentation being given by the ridiculously-costumed Colt.  Nobody says anything about the masked woman giving the presentation, for some reason.  Just another day of government work, I guess.

When the class is returning from a break, a bit of excitement ensues when one of the government agents is found, shot and dying!  Well, at least they don't have to go back to school now.  Colt immediately takes charge of the situation and declares that she'll get to the bottom of this mystery!

A quick search of the building leads her to the men's room, where she finds a used Co2 cartridge.  She returns later that night, laying in wait for the culprit to return to the scene of the crime. . .

It's one of the government officers that were at Colt's presentation. . .an agent Vawter.  He's trying to steal the prototype SMG!  As Vawter tries to make his escape, Colt manages to take him down.

Security guards rush in to take Vawter into custody.  General Wyndon asks Colt how she knew who the double agent was.  She tells him that from her examination of the dead agent, she knew the shooter was left handed.  Vawter was the only left handed person at the presentation.  Case closed!

The End.

THE REVIEW:

Like the Black Diamond story, I get a heavy Silver Age vibe when reading this story.  It's completely ridiculous, but played completely straight at the same time.  It's utterly forgettable, but sort of fun when you're reading it.  Just like so many Silver Age comics I've read.

The art is actually quite a bit nicer than the Black Diamond art.  The artist here at least tries a little harder to do something besides just tell the story.  Maybe that's why Colt eventually became a pretty popular character for AC (with a decent role in their only really popular comic, FemForce).  

Unfortunately, besides some decent art and a bit of goofy Silver Age-style fun, there's really not much more to it.

CONCLUSION

This is one of those weird comics where I can't really decide if I like it or not.  That may seem a little strange, but it happens from time to time.  

On the one hand, it's a pretty fun read.  It has a goofy Silver Age comic feel to it. The art is decent.  It's an interesting thing to have a comic tie-in to a movie that never got made.  I like strange little artifacts like this.  So I liked it, right?

But on the other hand, it's completely forgettable.  The story is weak and doesn't make me want to pick up another issue.  It's overall just sort of ridiculous and weird in equal measure.  So I didn't like it, right?

See what I mean?

I GUESS if I have to pick a side of the fence, I'd say I liked it.  But I didn't like it enough to recommend it as something to keep an eye out for.  I like having strange comic artifacts like this in my collection. 

I would only recommend it if you're also the kind of collector who likes having weird little things like this hanging out in your collection.  Other than that, there's not much here you'll be missing if you skip this one.

Up Next. . .

HEY! Remember when Catwoman got an unfortunate 90s makeover, complete with a brand new suit of shiny armor? Longbox Junk remembers!  Catwoman #50!

Be there or be square.

Longbox Junk - Arak, Son of Thunder #1

Welcome to Longbox Junk, where the comics are cheap and the reviews are FREE!

Let's return for a bit to a little something I was getting into last year. . .comics that you are pretty much guaranteed to find in just about ANY bargain bin you may find yourself digging through.  The bread and butter of cheap comics. . .the Longbox Junk of Longbox Junk.

At hand today is the first issue of a series that, if you DON'T spot at least one issue of  the run in the bargain bin, somebody already bought it.  As far as I can tell, it's a REQUIRMENT that any bargain bin has to contain at least ONE of these comics.

I'm talkin' about ARAK, SON OF THUNDER!

That's right. . .DC's very own version of Conan, even written by the man many consider to be THE Conan writer, the legendary Roy Thomas.  But is that ALL Arak is? An 80s Conan knockoff?  Is it any good? Why are so many of these comics in the bargain bins?  I have questions.  Let's get some answers!

ARAK, SON OF THUNDER #1

DC (1981)

COVER: Ernie Colón

The Sword and the Serpent!


SCRIPT: Roy Thomas
PENCILS: Ernie Colón
INKS: Tony DeZuniga


THE COVER:

I absolutely LOVE the gigantic ARAK title on ALL the covers in this series! But other than that, this cover is a bit "meh". The central figure of Arak is done nicely, but if you look in the background, especially over on the right, the figures are sketchy, giving the cover a sort of unfinished look. 

I'm not sure that this cover would have caught my eye on the comic rack. A bit of a disappointment because Colón's work inside is really very nice. Let's get to the story!


THE STORY:

We begin our tale aboard a Viking ship. . .far to the West of anyplace that's been explored by Norsemen before. Driven before the waves during a fierce storm, the hard-bitten crew of reavers has barely survived the night.

As they survey their situation, a small boat is spotted adrift. Aboard it is a young boy with strange, reddish skin.

The Vikings rescue the boy, but as they try to revive him, he attacks the leader of the band, Sigvald.  To keep Sigvald from killing the boy, a Frankish raider named Hermold claims the boy as his slave.  

In the weeks that follow, Hermold begins training the strange boy in swordplay, so that he may join the rest of the band in their violent life of raiding.  He also gives the boy a name. . .Erik, but the child pronounces it Arak, and that's what the crew comes to know him as.

Arak proves himself to be a natural fighter with sword and bow and ax.  The seasons begin to pass as he becomes one of the raider band.

We move forward eight years. . .

Arak takes part in his first raid.  The band invades a peaceful Christian monastery  on the coast of Northumbra.  As the battle rages through the monastery, Arak comes upon his leader, Sigvald, as he kills the Abbot and claims the monk's treasure, including an ornate jeweled cross.

Arak is confused as to why the monk refused to defend himself, and as he tries to comfort the dying Abbot, he is surprised to find himself being cursed by the dying man and called a devil.

Leaving the Abbot's quarters, Arak becomes sickened by the raiders who have become his family when he sees them tormenting the defenseless monks. . .inflicting violence for no reason other than their own amusement.  

When he's finally had enough, Arak steps in to save a monk being tortured by a Viking named Hrolf.  He is mocked for being soft and Hrolf attacks, but he's no match for Arak, who swiftly kills him.  The leader of the band, Sigvald, tells Arak that his actions prove that he's no real Viking any more than a wolf is a shark.

As winter falls and the Vikings rest in their longhouses and prepare for the next raiding season, the raid on the monastery weighs heavily on Arak.  His former master and now friend, the Frankish Hermold, tries to ease Arak's mind by telling him the tale of Jesus Christ and how the monks follow His example of pacifism.

Arak is intrigued by the tale, and by the tales of the Frankish Christian Empire his friend speaks of.  In return, Arak tells Hermold what he remembers of his own land. . .far across the sea to the West.

 He belonged to a tribe called the Quontauka, who worshipped a Thunder God called He-No.  His mother told him that he was He-No's son.  Truth or not?  Who can say?  He claims his people are all dead except for him.

We move forward.  Winter is gone and another raiding season comes.  Arak and Hermold try to convince Sigvald that no good can come of raiding defenseless monasteries.  Such attacks will only rouse the anger of the Anglo-Saxons who rule Northumbra. 

Sigvald ignores them and sets his sights on another monastery.  But as they approach in the darkness, a strange sight comes into view. . .a white-haired woman standing alone on a rock in the sea!

As the Vikings ponder the strange encounter, she chants words of dark magic and a giant serpent rises from the depths to smash the raider band's ship!  Only a few of the Vikings make it to shore, along with Arak. . .where they are greeted by armed and enraged monks.

Hermold tries to appeal to the Christian monks, throwing down his weapon and surrendering in the name of God. . .but the monks leap on the Frankish raider and kill him, driving Arak into a berserker rage!

But even in his rage, Arak is soon overwhelmed by the strangely-aggressive monks.  When he wakes, he finds himself being tended to by one of the monks.  The only survivor of his band beside him is their leader, Sigvald.  They are both being held prisoner, along with the monks who had killed their companions.  Arak is confused.

The monk explains that they were forced to fight by a brother and sister named Argalia and Angelica (the woman who summoned the serpent), who appeared with a pair of giant Oriental bodyguards two days earlier and took over the monastery.

It's not long before Angelica comes to meet Arak.  She's intrigued by the strange red-skinned man and offers him his life in exchange for service as her personal slave and bodyguard.  Arak agrees, claiming any deal is a good one if the second offer is death.

When Angelica takes Arak to meet her brother, Argalia, she reveals that the reason they have taken over the monastery is because of a magic ring hidden among its relics.  A ring that not only makes the wearer invisible, but also protects against all enchantments.  

Angelica mentions that she will be using the ring against Malagigi. . .court magician to King Carolus Magnus (Charlemagne), a name Arak recognizes from Hermold's tales of the Christian kingdom of the Franks.  Now curious about traveling to the Frankish kingdom, Arak leaves the monastery with his new mistress and her brother.

As they set sail, Arak sees the remaining monks, as well as Sigvald, marooned on a rocky island.  Angelica once again casts the spell summoning the giant serpent to kill the prisoners.  As the monks pray, Arak begs his new mistress to spare them.  She refuses and reminds Arak of the oath he swore not to take up arms against her or her brother.

Arak proclaims that he will keep his oath, but that doesn't prevent him from killing the serpent!  He leaps overboard and swims to rescue the monk who tended to him, leaving Sigvald to his fate.

  Arak spots the wreckage of the Viking ship and grabs the jewel-encrusted cross  Sigvald had lashed to the mast.  Using it as a sword, Arak strikes down the attacking serpent!  

In the aftermath of the battle, Arak sees that Angelica has left without him.  He declares his intention to travel to the Frankish kingdom to meet King Carolus Magnus, and to perhaps gain some answers about the gods.  Who saved him during the battle?  The Christian God, or He-No of his lost tribe?  Either way, he sets forth on a new journey.

The End. . .To be Continued.

THE REVIEW:

There it is. The first issue of Arak, Son of Thunder. Let's break it on down!

It was. . .better than what I expected. Like I said in the introduction, I see issues of this series CONSTANTLY in bargain bins. But now I wonder why. This first issue was pretty dang good!

First off, any time I see Roy Thomas' name as writer, I KNOW the story will be solid. Thomas is one of the most reliable writers in comics, and has been for a long time. The man is a comic legend in MY book for the sheer amount of good stories he's given us over the decades. I'm not sure why he's not mentioned often when fans talk about great comic writers, but I think he deserves to be.


Thomas gives this tale his signature sword and sorcery swagger most well known from his MANY Conan stories. . .but Arak gets a little twist in that it's set in the actual dark ages world we know from the history books, but with some magic and mystery thrown into the mix. A little dark ages "What If?" if you will.

I think what caught me by surprise the most in this story is the amount of Christian imagery to be found. The Christian faith is definitely front and center, and a big part of this story. It's a pretty bold move to have a comic from 1981 really leaning into an existing religion like this one does, especially for a mainstream title put out by one of the "Big Two".

To ME, the setting of this story makes it great. Not the prehistoric Hyborian Age of Conan, but a world of Vikings and Native Americans and Christian Monks and Frankish Kings. Really more along the lines of Solomon Kane, if you really want to make a comparison to R.E. Howard's works that were the more familiar stomping grounds of Roy Thomas.

That said, this first issue DOES read like a Conan story. Later issues lean into Arak's Native American heritage as the son of Thunder God He-No, and Arak becomes more of a Hercules character. . .half man, half god. But at the start of the series. . .yeah. . .it's sort of Conan for DC.

But that doesn't make it bad. If there's ONE thing Roy Thomas does well, it's sword and sorcery in the Conan style. You get that here in full measure. Seafaring raiders. . .mysterious sorcery. . .giant serpents. . .a burly outcast hero in a strange land. If you like Thomas' Conan, you're gonna like Arak!

On the art side of things, the Ernie Colón/ Tony DeZuniga art team do a fantastic job of bringing this dark ages fantasy world to life! I really think that DeZuniga's inks are the magic touch here. Colón's pencils are very nice, but DeZuniga's dark, bold inks lend to the individual panels a lifelike sense of motion in his signature style that has long made me consider DeZuniga one of my favorite Bronze Age comic artists.

That's not to say that Ernie Colón's pencils aren't just as good. I really like how his backgrounds are either sketchy or not existent at all. . .providing more of a backdrop than a background where the characters and action in the foreground push forward and grab the eye! It's a style I really enjoy, especially for this kind of story.

CONCLUSION

This was a surprisingly good read for a series that is pretty much bargain bin fodder. Roy Thomas provides a solid story with a great dark ages setting, and the Colón/ DeZuniga art team make it come to life in a big way.

If you're looking for some great Bronze Age sword and sorcery that ISN'T Conan, then don't pass Arak by next time you spot it in the bargain bin. I have most of this series (30 issues) and can tell you that the story just gets better as it goes along and leans more into Arak being a sort of Native American Hercules.

There are some similarities to Conan, but trust me when I say that they are just sort of on the surface. This is most certainly not a Conan comic. Unfortunately, I have the feeling that those surface similarities to Conan is why this series lives in the bargain bin. Frankly, I think it deserves better.

This series has never been collected, for some reason (probably those surface similarities to Conan) but the issues are very easy to find. I Highly recommend Arak, Son of Thunder for comic fans looking for some Bronze Age sword and sorcery comics that don't revolve around R.E. Howard's grim Cimmerian.


Up Next. . .

It's a comic tie-in to a movie that never got made.
AC's BLACK DIAMOND!

Be there or be square!

Longbox Junk - Xenobrood Part 2 - Issues 4 - 6

Welcome to Longbox Junk, where I write comic reviews even though nobody asked me to!

Let's keep this introduction sort of short.  What we have here is the second half of my review of the entire ill-fated and practically forgotten series featuring DC's version of a an X-treme 90s mutant superhero team meant to compete with Image and Marvel. . .Xenobrood.

In the first half ( ISSUES 0-3 ) I determined that the main reason this series is forgotten is ALSO the very reason it came to be.  As a potential competitor for 90s powerhouse Image, DC was barely on the playing field. 

Not that they didn't give it a decent try.  DC brought on a solid writer with some good fan credit in Doug Moench.  The team's origin had a pretty interesting hook in the "ancient astronaut" theory.  And the art. . .well. . .it was about as 90s as you can get without bringing in Liefeld on the job.  

Unfortunately, none of it was enough and Xenobrood turned out to be just okay.  And in the 90s when you're competing against the new bully on the playground named Image, okay wasn't going to cut it.

Worse, you can literally see DC giving up on Xenobrood.  It was originally supposed to be an ongoing series, spinning out of DC's soft 90s reboot, Zero Hour.  Instead it was quickly and quietly downgraded to a mini-series like that was how it was supposed to be the whole time. 

To make the slide even steeper, a new art team came in on just the THIRD issue, which ALSO featured a hail Mary Superman crossover sales stimulant (which apparently didn't work).

And now we're on issue four of this failed and forgotten experiment.  It's pretty clear that this thing is headed for disaster, and I COULD have just stopped with the first part of this review.  But I've said it before, and I'll say it again. . .I ain't a quitter, son!

Xenobrood Part Two. . .issues 4-6.  Let's do this!

XENOBROOD - PART TWO

ISSUES #4 - #6

DC (1995)

 ISSUE FOUR

COVER: Chris Hunter

CREATURES OF CRYSTAL

SCRIPT: Doug Moench

PENCILS: Chris Hunter

INKS: John Lowe

THE STORY:

Picking up directly from the cliffhanger in the previous issue, Superman and the Xenobrood are wary of each other as Doctor Leight fills his team in on Superman's origins and also tells Superman about the Xenobrood. 

As tensions ease between Superman and the Xenobrood, we learn that Vimana has managed to quickly process a few crystals stolen from the ancient Babylonian dig site.  Unfortunately, their improper storage has tainted them.  They are powerful and capable of following orders, but are otherwise mindless crystalline husks.  Still useful, but not what Vimana was hoping for.

Back at the dig site, the Iraqi army discovers the entrance into the ruins and attacks!  Superman leaps to action, but Doctor Leight convinces the hero to stand down and observe as the Xenobrood takes care of the threat.

As Superman warily watches, the Xenobrood manages to hold their own against the massing troops, especially Astra, who uses her powers to possess multiple targets for the first time.  But it soon becomes clear that there's too many of them and Superman starts taking down the heavier targets as they approach.

But while Superman is distracted, Vimana sends his tainted crystal warriors into the battle!  A desperate fight breaks out between the crystal creatures and the Xenobrood.  Superman hears their struggle and returns to help, using sonic waves to destroy the crystal warriors and the ship that brought them to the battle.

The grateful Xenobrood and Doctor Leight agree with Superman that the secrets hidden in the prehistoric ruins are too dangerous and powerful to remain available to ANYONE.  And so the Xenobrood and Superman work together to close and hide the entrance forever.

Afterward, Superman leaves the Xenobrood after telling them that he can relate to their difficulty finding their way and their place. . .after all, he's an alien just like they are.  He tells them to keep up the good work and flies off into the sunset.

Doctor Leight decides to return home with the Xenobrood and face whatever comes next.

The End. . .To be continued.

 

THE REVIEW:

Superman does NOT save the day, as far as this issue is concerned.

It just seems ridiculous that the Xenobrood don't know who Superman is when they've gained most of their knowledge of Earth through television.  This is a world where superheroes are ALSO superstars!  I expect better writing from Doug Moench.  At this point he seems like he's also giving up on the whole thing.  

This whole issue is pretty disappointing.  Superman's part is a pretty obvious attempt at propping up sales of this series.  The biggest thing he's there for besides a "You guys are great! No, really!" pep talk meant just as much for the reader as for the Xenobrood is to move this title away from attempting to be an "X" title entirely by making sure to firmly establish the Xenobrood as aliens, not mutants.  He also punches a few tanks. . .so there's that, too, I guess.

Setting the DC mutant angle aside is a move that makes DC giving up on this series painfully obvious.  It looks to ME like they figured out pretty quickly that they weren't going to be competing in the overcrowded mutant comic space after all.

And then there's the art.  I've already said that Hunter's art seems flat and that his heart wasn't in it (he left comics entirely not too long after this series) but this issue has some pretty bad. . .almost embarrassing. . . Superman illustrations.

One would THINK that if you were a practically unknown comic artist thrown onto a failing series to push it over a rapidly approaching finish line and you were given the opportunity to draw one of DC's biggest Superheroes. . .no. . .one of THE biggest Superheroes of all. . .you would put your best effort in.  You would think.  But no.  

Two more issues to go.  Let's do it!

ISSUE FIVE

COVER: Chris Hunter

ENDTIMES

SCRIPT: Doug Moench

PENCILS: Chris Hunter

INKS: John Lowe

THE STORY:

Upon their return from the Middle East, Doctor Leight and the Xenobrood go into hiding while they try to figure out how to get the government off their back.  Leight enters into a secret deal with a television producer who is willing to pay Leight a million dollars for exclusive footage and interviews with the Xenobrood.  More than enough to find a new hidden base of operations.

But once he actually meets the producer, Leight gets uncomfortable with the level of exploitation he's agreeing to put the Xenobrood through for money and calls off the deal.  As they leave the studio, Leight is unaware that one of the crew has alerted the authorities and Leight and the Xenobrood are ambushed and captured by the mysterious heavily-armed government agency that has been hunting them!

Leight finds himself at Area 51, in the hands of "Project Aquarius".  The Xenobrood are prisoners, Lorna is nowhere to be found, and he is being interrogated.  In exchange for his life, Leight tells the government interrogator everything he knows about the Xenobrood. . .their powers, their prehistoric alien origin, the implications of their very existence on human history!

Unknown to Leight or Project Aquarius, the Xenobrood's capture was witnessed by agents of Vimana, who dispatches a strike team to Area 51 to release the Xenobrood and capture them for his slaves.

As alarms blare through Area 51 and Vimana's strike team penetrate security, the Xenobrood manage to free themselves and rescue Doctor Leight and Lorna.  Astra takes over the mind of the pilot of the strike team's aircraft and discovers that the ship has an autopilot that will take them back to it's home base.

Leight and the Xenobrood decide to escape in the craft and find out who their TRUE enemy is.

To be continued. . .

THE REVIEW:

Surprisingly, this was actually one of the better issues of the run.  We get more of the Ancient Alien/ Annunaki background of the Xenobrood from Doug Moench, and I can also see a definite improvement in Chris Hunter's art, compared to the last issue.

It's still not great.  You can easily tell Moench is pretty much phoning it in and spinning the wheels waiting for the finale, despite a healthy dose of the concept that made this team at least a bit different than your average "X" team (Oops. . .sorry.  They're strictly aliens now).  It's too little, too late. . .and honestly, it's a rehash of small bits from other issues compiled into one place. 

Still, with the overwhelming mediocrity of this series as a whole, I'll take a halfway decent issue when I get one and give credit where credit is due. 

And FINALLY. . .

ISSUE SIX

COVER:  Chris Hunter

MEETING THEIR MAKER

SCRIPT: Doug Moench

PENCILS: Chris Hunter

INKS: John Lowe

THE STORY:

Continuing directly from the previous issue, Doctor Leight, Lorna, and the Xenobrood manage to capture the ship used by Vimana's strike force and they use it to escape the hidden government "Project Aquarius" laboratory at Area 51.  

They are shocked to discover the ship's autopilot takes them deep under the sea to a high-tech hidden base.  Immediately after docking, and before they can even get their bearings, the base's guards attack!

As Doctor Leight and the Xenobrood fight their way through the alien base, they discover the lab where the rest of the crystals from the archeological dig in the ancient Sumerian temple are stored.  

There is a debate over whether or not they should destroy them, but the renewed attacks of the undersea base's guards decide it for them when a stray shot destroys the container the rest of the crystals are held in.

When the crystals are destroyed, Vimana himself finally steps in.  But instead of fighting, he uses his mental powers to open the minds of the Xenobrood and show them the fantastic, highly-advanced civilization of their homeworld.  As the Xenobrood marvel at the sights, Vimana offers them the chance to join him and leave Earth behind.

But the Xenobrood know from Leight's research that they were created as slaves and breeders, and that they would be used as such on their homeworld.  They would rather be free outcasts than slaves in a gilded cage.  They refuse Vimana's offer.

And with the Xenobrood's refusal, Vimana flies into a rage and an epic battle to the finish ensues!

Ha-Ha. . .just kidding.

Vimana gets depressed and decides that life in exile isn't worth living any longer.  He triggers the base's destruct sequence and tells Doctor Leight and the Xenobrood to get out before it explodes.

And so, while Vimana patiently waits for death, Doctor Leight, Lorna, and the Xenobrood run for the craft that brought them, barely escaping with their lives as the base explodes behind them!

After their craft also self-destructs, Leight, Lorna, and the Xenobrood find themselves washed ashore outside of New York City.  Now that the threat of Vimana is gone, and in the shadow of the Statue of Liberty, Leight tells the Xenobrood that they are free.  It's not right for him to be their "master" any more than it was for Vimana.  

As the Xenobrood leave for parts unknown, Lorna tells Leight that she's rediscovered her feelings for him and wants to give their relationship another chance.  All's well that ends well.

EPILOGUE:

In the months following Leight freeing the Xenobrood, he and Lorna move in together.  They have made a deal with a television producer, revealing the government's secret Project Aquarius in exchange for public protection for both them and the Xenobrood.

And then, one night, unexpected visitors arrive. . .the Xenobrood!  They have decided to remain with Doctor Leight of their own free will.  What will the future hold?  Who knows.  But for now. . .a happy ending.

THE REVIEW:

And there it is, folks. . .the big ending to the short-lived adventures of the Xenobrood! 

The end of Vimana's threat actually came as a big surprise to me.  Doug Moench shows that he wasn't entirely phoning it in with a most unusual end for the main villain.  Just giving up and killing himself was something I was NOT expecting.  It's either one of the laziest final boss battles I've seen in comics, or one of the most brilliant.  I don't even know what to think!  Thumbs up to Mr. Moench for taking this last issue down a most unexpected path.

Other than that, this final issue was. . .well, it was okay.  Not bad, not great.  Just like every other issue in the series.  Except for the unusual end for the villain, pretty much forgettable.  The sort of thing you don't even really remember the next day. . .or maybe even the next hour.  

Everything is wrapped up nicely, with the only loose end being the Xenobrood themselves, who are never seen again or even mentioned beyond one single lousy sentence in JLA #4 a few years later in 1997.  All's well that ends well?  I guess so.

CONCLUSION

After reading and reviewing the seven issues of this forgotten attempt by DC to jump on the mutant bandwagon, I think I can sum it up in two words: Wasted Potential.

There WAS potential here.  Doug Moench is a good comic writer, and the "Ancient alien/ Annunaki" hook for the team's origin set it apart a little bit.  This SHOULD have been better than it was.  Doug Moench ALONE should have been the key here.

But no.  

What we GOT was an utterly forgettable and borderline bad comic series that flopped so hard that it's practically forgotten today.  How did this happen?  As I said above, in MY humble opinion this series was doomed from the start. . .just like almost anything else written for a specific purpose or to fill a specific pigeonhole. 

DC wanted in on that sweet, SWEET mutant money.  So instead of letting Doug Moench write in his usual introspective style, we got a pretty weak attempt at an X-Treme Action comic.  Kind reader, if you know anything about Moench's writing, it's pretty plain to see that he's not really an X-Treme Action writer.

He's not my favorite comic writer, but he's a modern comic legend.  When you think of Doug Moench, you think of Moon Knight. . .Batman. . .Master of Kung Fu. . .brooding, introspective character pieces crafted in a unique style.  NOT what we find here in Xenobrood.  

A lot of what I'm writing here is just my OWN speculation (because there is amazingly little information to be found on this series), but it seems to me like DC took a good writer with a good idea and interfered enough trying to grab a piece of the mutant comic pie to make it fail.

Consider this. . .A dark series about an archeologist who discovers a shattering secret, hidden for thousands of years.  A secret that redefines human history itself.  Part of the secret is a group of human-like creatures from another world. . . powerful, but childlike and obedient.  Created as slaves and breeders for an alien race, they have the potential to become heroes or to become dangerous.  Hunted by a secret government agency, they are forced into hiding while they try to make sense of the world around them.

See that?  Now THERE'S a comic I want to read!  That's the idea underlying Xenobrood.  THAT'S the potential.  That's the WASTED potential.  This was an idea, a concept, that could have worked on its own instead of trying to cram it into the "X-Book" craze. 

Can I recommend Xenobrood?  

Honestly, it's not a great series.  It was a bit of a grind to make myself finish reviewing these last three issues.  Like I said above, there's a LOT of wasted potential here, and what we get is pretty forgettable and right on the edge of bad.  

I wouldn't recommend Xenobrood as anything other than a strange and somewhat interesting little relic of the time when Image stomped onto the comic scene and everyone was scrambling to keep up.  To ME it's a master class in how to waste the potential of a good writer with a good idea on a blatant cash grab.

Up Next. . .

Longbox Junk 2024!  How about we start off the new year with a little something you can find in just about ANY bargain bin you find yourself digging through?  I'm talking about ARAK, SON OF THUNDER!

Be there or be square.