Welcome back to another Longbox Junk "Rescue Review", which is where I'm going back to some older reviews I did for a well-known comic site that shall go unnamed because I really don't have anything against them (They actually PAID me to read and write about comic books, after all!), but they really don't care as much about comics these days as they do comic-related movies and T.V. shows.
So I'm digging these up where they're gathering dust in a forgotten archive, doing a little spit polish here and there, and putting them back up in a place that still actually cares about comic books. . .right here at Longbox Junk.
So I'm digging these up where they're gathering dust in a forgotten archive, doing a little spit polish here and there, and putting them back up in a place that still actually cares about comic books. . .right here at Longbox Junk.
What we have here today is a series that was still pretty recent (at the time) when I wrote the review. The site I was working for was demanding that I review some newer (5 year time frame) stuff. . .which you'll see reflected in the next few "Rescue Reviews", which are all comics from 2011 to 2015. I didn't particularly like that editorial edict, and I think you can see me pushing against it in some of these reviews. . .this one in particular.
You'll see below that I was EXTREMELY unkind toward this series, and pretty much considered it the worst I'd ever reviewed up until that time. It's a pretty brief and nasty review, to say the least. Reading it now, I even surprise myself by how hateful I was toward this series.
BUT. . .
Unlike the last "Rescue Review" I DO still have these issues, so I'm going to re-read them and give this series another chance. Is this series REALLY as bad as I thought it was when I originally wrote this review? Or was I just pushing against doing something I really didn't want to do?
Let's find out!
ORIGINAL INTRO:
You'll see below that I was EXTREMELY unkind toward this series, and pretty much considered it the worst I'd ever reviewed up until that time. It's a pretty brief and nasty review, to say the least. Reading it now, I even surprise myself by how hateful I was toward this series.
BUT. . .
Unlike the last "Rescue Review" I DO still have these issues, so I'm going to re-read them and give this series another chance. Is this series REALLY as bad as I thought it was when I originally wrote this review? Or was I just pushing against doing something I really didn't want to do?
Let's find out!
ORIGINAL INTRO:
I love the X-Files. I have the whole Topps run, as well as the entire T.V. series (good and bad) on DVD. I love 30 Days of Night. I have the original series signed by Steve Niles, as well as the movie (which I consider one of the few successful non-superhero comic movies). FBI paranormal detectives vs. Vampires. It would SEEM that the two properties would be a sweet fit for each other. Let's find out!
THE X-FILES/ 30 DAYS OF NIGHT
IDW/ Wildstorm (2010 - 2011)
SCRIPTS: Steve Niles & Adam Jones
PENCILS: Tom Mandrake
COVERS: Sam Keith & Andrea Sorrentino
ISSUE ONE
Sam Keith Variant. Best one of the bunch
This first issue makes me wonder if an X-Files and 30 Days of Night combo sounds better as an idea than as an actual thing. . .
FBI Agents Scully and Mulder find themselves in Alaska investigating 16 beheaded bodies drained of blood and hung 40 feet in the air on a pole. Also on the case, believing it to be a serial killer he's been tracking, is an old rival of Mulder's, Agent Daniel "Frenchy" French.
Niles is usually a good writer, but the dialogue seems stilted and unnatural. The art isn't doing the story any favors either. The covers are OUTSTANDING for the entire series (Especially the Sam Kieth variant for the first issue), but the interior art is pretty bad. Scully looks nothing like her T.V. counterpart and Mulder bears only the slightest resemblance. It's a fairly big fail if you're going to do a licensed property and can't get the likenesses at least halfway there.
In my opinion, this first issue is a dud. Good concept. Bad writing. Bad art.
5 more issues to go. God, I hope it gets better. . .
2019 RE-READ:
It's still not very good. . .but it's not as bad as I made it sound. The story setup is actually pretty solid. There's a lot of exposition and setting things up, but Scully and Mulder are pretty true to their T.V. personalities and the dialogue in general isn't as stilted as I originally thought. The art is probably the worst part. I'll hold with my original review and say that there's a pretty big failure to capture the likeness of the main characters.
Overall, even though it's not as bad as I originally thought, it's still on extremely shaky ground.
5 more issues to go. God, I hope it gets better. . .
2019 RE-READ:
It's still not very good. . .but it's not as bad as I made it sound. The story setup is actually pretty solid. There's a lot of exposition and setting things up, but Scully and Mulder are pretty true to their T.V. personalities and the dialogue in general isn't as stilted as I originally thought. The art is probably the worst part. I'll hold with my original review and say that there's a pretty big failure to capture the likeness of the main characters.
Overall, even though it's not as bad as I originally thought, it's still on extremely shaky ground.
ISSUE 2
As per the T.V. status quo, Mulder's suspicions immediately leap to "Vampire", while Scully insists that there must be a reasonable explanation. While they investigate the crime scene again, Scully comes across a child buried in the snow. When she digs her out, the kid bursts into flames in Scully's arms when exposed to sunlight.
I know she's established as "the skeptic", but one would THINK that Scully would begin to formulate some alternative explanations at THAT point. But no.
They also come across a band of Inuit natives performing a ceremony about fighting creatures in the dark and living to see the day. . .and when they interrupt, the natives demand to see their teeth to avoid getting shot. Again. . .one would THINK.
All that and somehow the art is worse than it was in the first issue.
Overall, except for the outstanding covers, this mini gets a failing grade so far.
2019 RE-READ:
I hate to say it, because I was intent on giving this series a second shot based on my love of both properties. . .but I pretty much agree with my original assessment of this issue. It might not be AS bad as I made it sound, but it's really just not that good.
The story is a bit better than I originally thought, but things like Scully sticking to her "Skeptic" guns when A KID BURSTS INTO FLAMES IN HER ARMS WHEN EXPOSED TO SUNLIGHT, just drain the life (heh) out of any good in this story. The art isn't completely terrible (the artist draws monsters decently), but it's right on the edge of being downright bad. A damn shame.
I know she's established as "the skeptic", but one would THINK that Scully would begin to formulate some alternative explanations at THAT point. But no.
They also come across a band of Inuit natives performing a ceremony about fighting creatures in the dark and living to see the day. . .and when they interrupt, the natives demand to see their teeth to avoid getting shot. Again. . .one would THINK.
All that and somehow the art is worse than it was in the first issue.
Overall, except for the outstanding covers, this mini gets a failing grade so far.
2019 RE-READ:
I hate to say it, because I was intent on giving this series a second shot based on my love of both properties. . .but I pretty much agree with my original assessment of this issue. It might not be AS bad as I made it sound, but it's really just not that good.
The story is a bit better than I originally thought, but things like Scully sticking to her "Skeptic" guns when A KID BURSTS INTO FLAMES IN HER ARMS WHEN EXPOSED TO SUNLIGHT, just drain the life (heh) out of any good in this story. The art isn't completely terrible (the artist draws monsters decently), but it's right on the edge of being downright bad. A damn shame.
ISSUE 3
Agents Scully and Mulder investigate an iced-in ship and find more bodies. Elsewhere, State police get into a gun battle with a bunch of feral vampires. After a run in with Agent French, Mulder and Scully catch a helicopter ride back to town.
They get attacked mid-air by a fanged, red-eyed vampire crashing through the windshield. Mulder discovers they don't give a rip about crosses, so he puts a bullet in its head, but the helicopter crashes, leaving them stranded in the middle of nowhere.
Perhaps NOW Scully will consider vampires as a suspect?
I'm really having to force myself to finish this mini. Besides the great covers, the only good thing I can say about it is that it's a quick read. I can't figure out why anyone would have kept this crap on their pull list past the second issue when it was on the stands. It's just bad. Plain and simple, it's bad.
2019 RE-READ:
While my opinion of this issue might not be AS harsh as my original review, I pretty much agree with it. It's at this point of the series that I realize it's not going to get any better. Scully STILL not believing in vampires when one crashes through the window of an airborne helicopter right IN HER FACE is what takes this already extremely shaky ride straight through the curve and off the rails. I tried. I really wanted this to be better than I remembered.
They get attacked mid-air by a fanged, red-eyed vampire crashing through the windshield. Mulder discovers they don't give a rip about crosses, so he puts a bullet in its head, but the helicopter crashes, leaving them stranded in the middle of nowhere.
Perhaps NOW Scully will consider vampires as a suspect?
I'm really having to force myself to finish this mini. Besides the great covers, the only good thing I can say about it is that it's a quick read. I can't figure out why anyone would have kept this crap on their pull list past the second issue when it was on the stands. It's just bad. Plain and simple, it's bad.
2019 RE-READ:
While my opinion of this issue might not be AS harsh as my original review, I pretty much agree with it. It's at this point of the series that I realize it's not going to get any better. Scully STILL not believing in vampires when one crashes through the window of an airborne helicopter right IN HER FACE is what takes this already extremely shaky ride straight through the curve and off the rails. I tried. I really wanted this to be better than I remembered.
ISSUE FOUR
Please, God. . .let it end.
Scully and Mulder are rescued by Russians tracking the same killers. Scully STILL insists they are human, even after personally witnessing one burst into flames in her arms, and another crashing through a helicopter window and killing their pilots. There's such a thing as staying in character. . .but there's also such a thing as common sense.
AND THEN. . .
Scully and Mulder are taken to a cave where a vampire without arms or legs tells them a tale of when he was alive over 100 years before and was searching for an artifact of eternal life. And Scully STILL doesn't believe in vampires. . .
The artifact is found by the band of vampires. Inside it is some sort of blood drinking baby.
This is just bad. Started bad and looks like it's getting worse. Even the art seems like it's worse. I don't even know how that's possible. I'm sure Scully could come up with a rational explanation. Mine is that everyone on this project was just making a paycheck, and there was minimum effort expended on something that everyone KNEW fans of the X-Files and 30 Days of Night would buy regardless of quality. I feel dirty just reading this pile of money-grubbing crap.
2019 RE-READ:
At this point, the train is off the tracks and flying over the cliff. I am now wondering if I even want to continue re-reading this series because the farther I get into it, the worse it becomes. I feel the pain of the past in the pain of the present.
That said. . .I ain't a quitter, son.
I think the major disappointment here for me is that this series completely abandons any of the ambiguity that made the X-Files great. There was always an alternative explanation. In this case, the attempts by the author to keep Scully skeptical are just laughable in the face of what she is experiencing.
In other words, this story breaks the delicate balance of believer and skeptic by having vampires literally everywhere Scully and Mulder go. They might as well be generic characters created for this story instead of iconic characters who play off of each others strengths and weaknesses. This MIGHT be a decent 30 Days of Night story, but it's a damn poor X-Files story.
Scully and Mulder are rescued by Russians tracking the same killers. Scully STILL insists they are human, even after personally witnessing one burst into flames in her arms, and another crashing through a helicopter window and killing their pilots. There's such a thing as staying in character. . .but there's also such a thing as common sense.
AND THEN. . .
Scully and Mulder are taken to a cave where a vampire without arms or legs tells them a tale of when he was alive over 100 years before and was searching for an artifact of eternal life. And Scully STILL doesn't believe in vampires. . .
The artifact is found by the band of vampires. Inside it is some sort of blood drinking baby.
This is just bad. Started bad and looks like it's getting worse. Even the art seems like it's worse. I don't even know how that's possible. I'm sure Scully could come up with a rational explanation. Mine is that everyone on this project was just making a paycheck, and there was minimum effort expended on something that everyone KNEW fans of the X-Files and 30 Days of Night would buy regardless of quality. I feel dirty just reading this pile of money-grubbing crap.
2019 RE-READ:
At this point, the train is off the tracks and flying over the cliff. I am now wondering if I even want to continue re-reading this series because the farther I get into it, the worse it becomes. I feel the pain of the past in the pain of the present.
That said. . .I ain't a quitter, son.
I think the major disappointment here for me is that this series completely abandons any of the ambiguity that made the X-Files great. There was always an alternative explanation. In this case, the attempts by the author to keep Scully skeptical are just laughable in the face of what she is experiencing.
In other words, this story breaks the delicate balance of believer and skeptic by having vampires literally everywhere Scully and Mulder go. They might as well be generic characters created for this story instead of iconic characters who play off of each others strengths and weaknesses. This MIGHT be a decent 30 Days of Night story, but it's a damn poor X-Files story.
ISSUE FIVE
Thank God there's only 1 issue left. This crapfest started off barely on the rails and at this point it doesn't even remember where the rails are.
Never mind the synopsis. Just be warned. This mini is the definition of cash-in crap. The only reason I'm even finishing it is because I've come this far.
2019 RE-READ:
Now THAT'S a pretty poor review! Not even a synopsis. I can DEFINITELY feel my past frustration with this series. Unfortunately, I'm experiencing the same frustration reading it again. This whole project just went SO wrong in many ways. In the original review of the first issue, I wondered if maybe an X-Files/ 30 Days of Night crossover was the sort of thing that sounded better as an idea instead of an actual thing. The answer came in the 3rd issue and this 5th issue is a solid reinforcement that, yes. . .this idea sounds better than it actually is.
Never mind the synopsis. Just be warned. This mini is the definition of cash-in crap. The only reason I'm even finishing it is because I've come this far.
2019 RE-READ:
Now THAT'S a pretty poor review! Not even a synopsis. I can DEFINITELY feel my past frustration with this series. Unfortunately, I'm experiencing the same frustration reading it again. This whole project just went SO wrong in many ways. In the original review of the first issue, I wondered if maybe an X-Files/ 30 Days of Night crossover was the sort of thing that sounded better as an idea instead of an actual thing. The answer came in the 3rd issue and this 5th issue is a solid reinforcement that, yes. . .this idea sounds better than it actually is.
ISSUE SIX
It's over. Finally, it's over.
Why does this series even exist? I mean, I know why it exists. The idea sounds good on paper. Unfortunately the execution of that idea doesn't even come anywhere close to the promise. No. . .the question of this series' existence is that of why the publisher allowed it to exist in the form it is in.
X-Files/30 Days of Night has so few redeeming qualities that I can't help but wonder if this was literally the worst kind of blatant cash grab that can exist in comics. . .just squeezing money out of established properties that have rabid fans. And doing it without a care in the world about anything but having X-Files and 30 Days of Night on the cover to lure the suckers in. Just thinking about this series makes me sick. I just want to forget that it even exists.
2019 RE-READ:
Oof. Harsh. But on a re-read. . .I agree. The story isn't QUITE as bad as I first found it to be, but it's still pretty bad. The art is worse. The whole thing just looks like it was rushed and minimum effort was put into it. To make matters worse, this series is two issues too long. The amount of actual story in the final 3 issues tell me that this series should have really been a 4 issue mini instead of 6. . .but in light of my original review, it makes perfect sense that the publishers felt the need to squeeze the fans for another 8 bucks. It's just so disappointing to realize this.
Why does this series even exist? I mean, I know why it exists. The idea sounds good on paper. Unfortunately the execution of that idea doesn't even come anywhere close to the promise. No. . .the question of this series' existence is that of why the publisher allowed it to exist in the form it is in.
X-Files/30 Days of Night has so few redeeming qualities that I can't help but wonder if this was literally the worst kind of blatant cash grab that can exist in comics. . .just squeezing money out of established properties that have rabid fans. And doing it without a care in the world about anything but having X-Files and 30 Days of Night on the cover to lure the suckers in. Just thinking about this series makes me sick. I just want to forget that it even exists.
2019 RE-READ:
Oof. Harsh. But on a re-read. . .I agree. The story isn't QUITE as bad as I first found it to be, but it's still pretty bad. The art is worse. The whole thing just looks like it was rushed and minimum effort was put into it. To make matters worse, this series is two issues too long. The amount of actual story in the final 3 issues tell me that this series should have really been a 4 issue mini instead of 6. . .but in light of my original review, it makes perfect sense that the publishers felt the need to squeeze the fans for another 8 bucks. It's just so disappointing to realize this.
CONCLUSION
X-Files/30 Days of Night will now be the lowest bar by which all other comics I review will be judged until I find something worse. And believe me. . .I can't really see that happening any time soon. This series is truly the definition of Longbox Junk with the emphasis on Junk.
2019 CONCLUSION UPDATE
I REALLY wanted to give this mini a fair second chance. I am a HUGE X-Files fan and a pretty big 30 Days of Night fan. I really wanted to believe that I was so harsh on it because of my frustration with the site I was working for at the time. I really wanted this idea to work. Unfortunately. . .it doesn't. If I had to describe this series in one word, that word would be: Disappointing.
So let's look at the few GOOD things about this series. . .
It has some really excellent covers. The only other good thing I can really say is that it's actually a decent 30 Days of Night story. It's a pretty lousy X-Files story, but Steve Niles is the original author of 30 Days of Night and it shows here which property is cared about more.
This would have been a LOT better if it had just been written as a 30 Days of Night story, with Scully and Mulder as new characters created for the project. If you read it THAT way. . .It's not too bad. It's pretty much in line with the mythos and feel of other 30 Days of Night comics. 30 Days of Night fans will definitely get a bit more mileage out of this.
BUT. . .
As I came to realize when I wrote the original review AND during the re-read. . .there's a minimum effort put into anything between those nice covers. It's a pretty obvious cash grab that is a total insult to X-Files fans and sort of "okay" for 30 Days of Night fans. It's a damn shame. Steve Niles is one of my favorite writers. I've met him a few times. . .a really nice guy. But THIS is NOT a shining moment in his career at all.
Overall this series well and truly deserved to be called the Longbox Junk low bar for the years that it held that prestigious designation. It has since been replaced by the God-Awful 12 issues of Marvel's "America", but with the minimum amount of effort put into X-Files/ 30 Days of Night I'd say that it's pretty comfortable sitting in second place.
Trust me. If you are a fan of X-Files or 30 Days of Night don't get fooled by the IDEA of two great properties coming together or by the great covers. Steer clear of this one. You have been warned.
Up Next. . .
Another "Rescue Review"
I'm a bit behind because I took a few vacation days from work, so I'm not going to hit this one on May 4th like I planned, but you're gonna get some Star Wars next week. . .Marvel's 5 issue "Princess Leia" mini.
Be there or be square!
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