Welcome to Longbox Junk, where I write comic reviews even though nobody asked me to!
It's October!
It's that special time of year when Wal-Mart shamelessly displays "Naughty Nurse" costumes that would usually only be found for sale publicly in somewhat sketchy stores on the outskirts of town. . .and one aisle over it's a winter wonderland of pre-lit fake Christmas trees in every color of the rainbow!To which I can only quote Will 'Wicky, Wicky, Wild Wild West' Smith and say: "Welcome to Earth!"
ANYWAY. . .
We've been having a nice little Halloween party here at Longbox Junk. A little of this, a little of that. Some good, some not so good. It's been a pretty decent mix in the plastic pumpkin bucket so far.
But you know what we're missing? A good old-fashioned Invader From Beyond. I mean. . .come on. What's Halloween without some cheesy 1950s science fiction horror? It's not much of a Halloween at all, if you ask me.
So let's throw some invading aliens into the mix, shall we? WE SHALL!
ALIENS: EARTH ANGEL
Dark Horse (1994)
COVER: John Byrne
And folded out. . .
THE COVER:
I don't know. This just isn't doing it for me. I KNOW John Byrne is one of the most prolific and well-known comic talents out there, but this isn't a great example of his work. There's just way too much going on. It's cluttered. Sorry, Byrne fans. I don't like it much.
Let's get inside!
THE STORY:
Earth Angel
SCRIPT: John Byrne
PENCILS: John Byrne
Inks: John Byrne
The late 1950s. Two teenagers discover a strange object crashed in the forest. It's like no airplane they've ever seen before. Inside the wreckage, they discover the pilot and drag him out before the wreck explodes. As they inspect the pilot, they quickly realize. . .it's not human!
Dun-Dun-DUNNNN!!
The teens manage to drag the pilot to the local doctor's office, where the doctor discovers that the strange being has a dead object attached to its face. When the doctor removes the spider-legged thing, the pilot begins to panic.
They try to calm it down, but its too late. . .a bloody explosion from its chest, a wriggling creature bursting out, and you know what THAT means. It's ALIEN TIME!
LATER, AT THE LOCAL BIKER BAR. . .
Typical Juvenile Delinquent shenanigans are occurring, just like every other night. Except THIS night holds a few surprises! One of the bikers goes outside to water a tree and is quite surprised to find himself getting attacked by a gigantic alien creature!
His friends notice he's taking a bit too long and decide to go looking for him.
And. . .yep. . .you guessed it!
MEANWHILE, BACK IN TOWN. . .
After the alien creature escapes, the Doctor hustles home to gather his family and get them out of town before things start to get worse. But as he heads out past the local biker bar to his Mother-In-Law's house with his wife and daughter, their escape is inconvenienced by a giant alien in the middle of the road!
I HATE when that happens!
The Doctor hits the alien and the car goes flying off the road. Apparently it's one of those 1950s movie cars that explode if you kick the tire because sure enough. . .the car explodes!
Fortunately, the Doctor and his family were able to bail out before their sedan turns into a miniature sun and burns the attacking alien up. UN-fortunately, they get thrown down the embankment and right into a big ol' pile of slimy alien eggs!
And THAT'S when the bikers show up! They do that thing bikers do in old movies where they ride in a circle around someone while revving their engines. But the Doctor just destroyed a giant alien with an exploding family sedan, so he's not as impressed as the bikers would have liked him to be. . .
Scattered among the eggs in the makeshift alien nest are the bikers that the alien took earlier. Their friends rush in to rescue them, but. . .yeah. . .you know what happens next. The terrified bikers get to witness little aliens bursting out of their buddies with a spectacular goosh of blood!
When one of the chestburster aliens latches onto another biker and he rams his super-explosive motorcycle into a tree, where it instantly bursts into a massive fireball, the Doctor quickly realizes that the extremely-flammable nature of EVERYTHING in the 1950s is the key to survival!
"We've got to burn them to death!" He helpfully shouts, even though everyone can already clearly see the alien burning to death right in front of them.
The other bikers aren't so keen on the idea of burning their helpless friends to death, but the Doctor knows what's best. He grabs a handy can of gasoline off of one of the bikes and dowses the eggs and the bikers before setting them on fire!
The rest of the bikers come to terms with the Doctor's fiery prescription for alien death and they gleefully chase down and do burnouts on top of the few aliens escaping the massive fire the Doctor has set. We see from an overhead shot that he might have overdone it a bit as his alien cookout quickly turns into a raging forest fire!
LATER. . .
The authorities finally arrive at the scene. They had to wait a while because the fire the Doctor set was a bit too much. The military is also there to take a look, and they quickly lock the scene down when they start discovering crispy alien bodies among the human remains.
We find the Doctor and his family safe at a kindly neighbor's house. When he makes a phone call we discover that his name is NOT Doctor Firedeath but. . .wait for it. . .wait for it. . .Doctor RIPLEY!
Yeah. This is the Grandfather (Great Grandfather, maybe?) of Ellen Ripley, hero of the Alien movies.
That's the twist. M. Night Shyamalan approves. Maybe.
The End.
THE REVIEW:
Let's get something straight here first. John Byrne is a legitimate comic legend. He's worked on most of the biggest characters in the business for over 50 years. He's not my favorite comic talent, but I fully recognize his contributions and his legacy. Comics wouldn't be the same without John Byrne.
But this is NOT his finest hour. This comic isn't even acknowledged on John Byrne's Wikipedia page.
It's got the cardstock cover, the glossy paper, and the $2.95 (in 1994 dollars) price tag of a "Prestige Format" comic, but it's got the length and quality of a longer than usual Bronze Age horror anthology story.
There's just not much that's memorable about the story at all. I barely remembered enough about it to write the review, and had to go back and re-read parts of it less than an hour after I had read it the first time.
This story is EXTREMELY light. Crashed ship with alien is found. Alien escapes. Alien starts grabbing bikers. Doctor gets caught up in fighting the alien and wins. That's it. From John Byrne. . .the guy who re-wrote Superman's origin story for the modern age. The guy who co-wrote the Dark Phoenix saga. Really? THAT guy also wrote this flimsy thing?
The art isn't anywhere close to his best, either. There's moments here and there, and it's not BAD, it's just that I would expect a bit more from someone who gave us epic moments like this:
And yes, I realize there's a difference between a dark tale of alien invaders and a hopeful superhero comic, but I still feel a bit disappointed when I know what Byrne is actually capable of.
CONCLUSION
The story is okay. The art is okay. But I was expecting a bit more than okay from a certified comic legend like John Byrne. There just seems to be a general lack of effort to be found here. It's not BAD, but it's the sort of thing you easily forget not long after you finish reading it.
If you want to take a look at Earth Angel yourself, it's not hard to find in the bargain bin. I see this all the time for a buck or two. It might be something to keep your eye out for if you're a big fan of John Byrne and aren't aware that he did an Alien story, but generally speaking I find it hard to recommend Earth Angel.
Up Next. . .
The Longbox Junk Halloween party continues! Be there or be square!
