Longbox Junk - Off-Brand One Shots Part 5

Welcome back to Longbox Junk! It's the place to find all the comic book reviews you never asked for!

My apologies for a bit of delay during some nice, brisk holiday business, but that's what happens when you manage a hotel.  I should have plenty of time for some good Longbox Junkin' during the next few slow winter months ahead.

So, back to Longbox Junk business as usual. . .which for now at least is working my way through a stack of non-DC/Marvel single issue stories I came into as part of a pretty massive purchase of about 600 comics from a closing comic shop.  I call them Longbox Junk Off-Brand One Shots!

My comic lovin' daughter has been pulling the comics I've been reviewing lately.  She made me squirm a bit last time out by giving me a bunch of boob-tastic comics I couldn't take to work without risking an awkward HR appointment, and couldn't read in front of my wife without earning a bit of silent mockery regarding my questionable reading habits. . .but there were actually a couple of pretty good ones in there despite my daughter's best efforts.

Let's see what she's given me this time.  Off Brand One Shots. . .Let's do it!

DIESEL

ANTARCTIC PRESS (1997)

MASTER OF DRAGONS PART ONE

SCRIPT: Joe Weltjens

PENCILS: Joe Weltjens

COVER: Joe Weltjens

THE COVER:

Hooray! I can read this one at work! I like the portrait style on this cover.  The main character looks a little generic. . .I'm expecting a discount Dollar Store version of Hulk, Wolverine, or a combo of the two inside.  That said, he's well drawn and nicely contrasted in the frame against the black background.  The title seems to be about twice as big as it needs to be, but overall this is a pretty good cover.

THE STORY:

When Thomas Diesel decides to unexpectedly visit an old friend, he discovers that his mentor (and her father) has been killed.  Worse, the killer is the same man who killed Diesel's own father in the past.

Diesel is prevented from rushing into a foolhardy act of vengeance by being asked to join a group of others that have the same power as he does. . .the ability to manifest super-powered avatars known as "stands". . .and fight together to take down the killer.

Unfortunately for the fledgling team, Mr. Botha (the killer) has anticipated their move and has sent an assassin to destroy them.  After a brutal battle where several of the team are taken down, Diesel confronts the attacker on his own and manages to defeat him.

It is at that moment that a mysterious warrior called Chibot appears and tells Diesel that he has passed some sort of test. . .

The end.  To be continued.

THE REVIEW:

It seems that a lot of these Off-Brand One Shots are unfinished projects.  So it is with Diesel.  This obviously was supposed to be the first issue of a larger story.  It starts in the middle, hits the ground running with explanations assumed to be coming later, and ends on a "to be continued" cliffhanger.

Unfortunately, the "start in the middle of the story" nature of this issue makes it practically unreadable except for the most basic understanding of what's going on.  If this were part of an ongoing or limited series, one would expect information to be forthcoming in coming issues.  Instead, this bare-bones introduction is all there is. . .and based on what there is of it, I'm not sure I'd be interested in reading more even if there was more to read.

Putting aside that this is basically a story fragment, it's just not written very well.  It almost looks like a translation from another language, like if this was an imported Manga.  There's nothing in the indicia to show that it's been previously published or translated, so I'm thinking the stilted, somewhat confusing way the characters speak is just how it was written instead of the fault of a translator.

On the art side of things, it's okay.  Not good, not bad.  Just riding right down the center line of telling the story without trying too hard to impress.  It's in Antarctic's signature "American Manga" art style that I usually like a lot, but this isn't really the best example of that style.  

Overall, this is a pretty poorly-written story fragment that is practically unreadable because it starts in the middle of the tale and ends on a cliffhanger with little information on what the hell is going on to be found in between.  What there is of it doesn't really make me wonder what happened next.

THE FINAL VERDICT:

I'll give this one 2 out of 5 obvious Hirohiko Araki "inspirations"

Not a great start.  Moving along!

ROBOCOP:  KILLING MACHINE

AVATAR PRESS (2004)

KILLING MACHINE

SCRIPT: Steven Grant

PENCILS: Anderson Ricardo

COVER: Juan Jose Ryp

THE COVER:

I love RoboCop, but this cover is pretty bad.  It's hyper-detailed to the point of it being so busy and cluttered that those details are lost in the mess.  It's like the artist didn't know when to stop.  Hopefully, the story inside is better.

THE STORY:

When a bored rich kid's hacking attacks on Detroit's traffic grid are constantly thwarted by RoboCop, he attempts to hack into the robotic police officer's original OCP programming.  

Instead of finding a way to control RoboCop, the hacker discovers and activates an experimental combat robot that was never put into production.  As the "Urban Pacifier" wreaks havoc across Detroit, Robocop confronts the killing machine and, even though he is physically outmatched, defeats it through human ingenuity.

Due to the sudden destruction of the killing machine and his inability to disconnect from controlling it, the unfortunate hacker finds himself mentally imprisoned and unable to escape the internet as his body falls into a coma.

The End.

THE REVIEW:

Like I said above, I love RoboCop and was happy to see a comic with a character I actually know.  Unfortunately, this isn't a great RoboCop comic.  It's extremely short. . .coming in at a slim 10 pages long, with the rest of the comic taken up by ads for upcoming Avatar comics and their MANY variant covers.  It's basically a short fight scene with a sort of interesting twist ending that is over and done with before you know it.  I literally read this comic in about 5 minutes.  

There's also a lot of gratuitous "adult" language in here that just seems thrown in for. . .reasons?  This whole thing just seems like it should be a single scene in an actual RoboCop comic, or maybe a short story in an anthology.  It's just way too short and ultimately forgettable.

This is literally the only page of this story without an "F-Bomb" on it.

As far as the art goes, it's pretty good.  It has bold lines, is brightly colored, and tells what little story there is well.  It doesn't strive for excellence in any way.  It does the job and that's all it does.  It's pretty much as forgettable as the story is.

Overall, what we have here is an extremely short and forgettable story backed up with some artwork that doesn't try to go beyond the level of "pretty good".  Thanks to HALF of this issue being ads for variant covers, this comic feels more like a preview than an actual story. If I had paid the $2.99 price on the cover, I'd feel about two buck's worth of ripped off.  Disappointing.

THE FINAL VERDICT:

I give this one 2 out of 5 Convention Special Gold Foil Wraparound Limited Variant Covers.

So far, this isn't going well at all.  NEXT!

YOUNGBLOOD SUPER SPECIAL

MAXIMUM PRESS (1997)

GOOD ENOUGH

SCRIPT:  Eric Stephenson

PENCILS: Chris Sprouse

COVER: Chris Sprouse

THE COVER:

Hmmmmm. . .I can't really decide if I like this cover or not.  On the one hand, it's pretty well drawn, I like the bold lines and dark inks. It's colorful, and I like the arrangement of the characters looking like they are being sucked into (or maybe blown out of?) the center of the cover in a pretty dynamic way. 

On the other hand, the characters themselves are just SO 90's.  There's cybernetic limbs, pouches, straps, and big shoulder pads all over the place. They just look like a bunch of generic off-brand X-Men (actually Wikipedia tells me Teen Titans were the Youngblood inspiration).

THE STORY:

When a routine training mission goes wrong and their transport plane crashes in an isolated forest, members of Team Youngblood, including four young new recruits, are all challenged with making life or death choices after they are separated from each other.

In the end, it is revealed that they were being tested by an immortal alien race in order to judge one of the recruits who is actually one of them in a regressed human form.  He is judged a failure and sent elsewhere for further testing, but the beings invite another of the young recruits that has impressed them to join them.  

The alien beings erase the memory of the tests and the two missing recruits from the minds of the Youngblood team and life goes on as if nothing ever happened.

The End.

THE REVIEW:

I came into this comic knowing absolutely nothing about Team Youngblood or any of the characters involved with it.  The story did a pretty good job of introducing the characters without a lot of obvious exposition, which was a big plus in my book.  It seems that a lot of the Off-Brand comics just sort of assume that you're already a fan and throw you right in.  This one is actually pretty new reader friendly and spends a little time getting to know the characters you're reading about.

The story itself isn't anything new.  The "twist" of none of it actually happening and the heroes being tested is fairly easy to see early on.  That said, for a bunch of characters I knew nothing about, this was a pretty good read.  I'm not saying it's the BEST comic story I've ever read, but I'd be interested in reading some more Youngblood if I came across it. 

As far as the art goes, it's pretty typical 90's superhero art.  There's straps, pouches, and shoulder pads all over the place.  That said, it's not the worst 90's art I've seen.  It's pretty clean and uncluttered, and there are a few very nice moments to be found here and there.  The colors are a bit garish in places, but not so much to be distracting.  There's actually a bit of effort to be good here.

Overall, what we have here is a surprisingly new reader-friendly superhero story backed up with some decent 90's style art that makes a better than average attempt to impress.  It's not a GREAT story, but it's good enough to make me interested in maybe checking out some more Youngblood comics.  Not too bad.

THE FINAL VERDICT:

I'll give this one 3 out of 5 giant shoulder pads.

NEXT!

AIRMAN

MALIBU (1993)

SHALL THE SEA GIVE UP HER SECRETS?

SCRIPT: R.A. Jones

PENCILS: Matt Reynolds

COVER: Thomas Derenick

THE COVER:

Not a bad cover here.  Not great, mind you. . .but I think I'd give this one a turn up on the "Wall O' Covers" at work.  The main character looks like a knockoff Hawkman, but I'm liking the colorful and old-school style of this cover. It has an interesting late Bronze Age feel to it.  The menacing villain has a kind of Egyptian look to him, which makes me expect an Off-Brand Hawkman story inside even more, but this isn't a bad cover at all.  I like it.

THE STORY:

High-flying hero Airman receives a distress call from old friend and fellow superhero Thresher telling him that he has been captured.  As Airman rushes to the location he was given, we learn that Thresher is being tortured by a  villain known as The Conqueror, who is trying to gain information on something called "The Secret of The Doors".

Airman arrives at the isolated island prison and breaks Thresher free so that he is able to enter the ocean and rejuvenate his powers.  After Thresher has recovered, the pair of heroes decide that rather than escape, they will attack!

Thresher and Airman attack The Conqueror's base, taking the villain and his minions by surprise.  During the brutal battle, the Conqueror makes his escape with Airman in hot pursuit.  Unfortunately, he has enough of a head start that Airman is unable to keep up and the villain gets away.

Returning to the prison, Airman tells Thresher the bad news and then invites the aquatic hero to join the group of heroes Airman has recently become part of known as The Protectors.  Thresher agrees to meet them, but doesn't give a definite answer.  Elsewhere, we see that the Conqueror was actually working for another villain called "The Great Question", who has some sort of ultimate plan involving The Protectors.

The End.

THE REVIEW:

This was a pretty good read overall, but there's some definite problems.  When I read a one-shot, I expect a story told in a single issue.  One and done.  You don't get that here.  Okay. . .you DO get a self-contained story about one hero breaking another out of prison, so there's that. 

 Unfortunately, this comic seems to be filling some sort of continuity hole in Malibu's (then existing) superhero "universe" (how Thresher joined up with The Protectors), and in doing so, references events taking place elsewhere, leaves plot threads hanging for resolution in another series, and ends on a "To be continued" note directing readers elsewhere for the actual ending of the story.

Because of these connecting threads to other comics, THIS comic is not new-reader friendly at all.  It's assumed you know these characters and situations from elsewhere coming into it.  This is less of a stand-alone story and more of an episode taking place in the background of an ongoing series.

But like I said above, it's still a pretty good read.  The story is simple and action-packed, moving across the page for a nice quick read. Straight superheroics with nothing deep or complicated to it. There's JUST enough exposition to keep from having to hit Wikipedia to understand what's going on and who the characters are, which is more than some of these off-brand one shots give you.

The art here is actually the best part of this comic.  It's not the greatest art I've ever seen, but I like it quite a bit.  The lines are thick and dark, the characters have a sort of chunky feel to them and everything is nicely detailed.  The colors are great.  It has an obvious Barry Windsor-Smith Rune-era inspiration to the style, which in my book is a good thing.  Some of the faces are a bit too exaggerated, given the otherwise pretty realistic look, but other than that, this is a good looking comic.

Overall, I'm disappointed in this being a "one shot" that is actually a background scene in another ongoing series, but it's a still a pretty good read backed up by some decent discount Barry Windsor-Smith style art.

THE FINAL VERDICT:

I'll give Airman 3 out of 5 editorial box notes referencing previous issues of another series.

AND FINALLY. . .

DEATHANGEL

LIGHTNING COMICS (1997)

SCRIPT: John Cleary

PENCILS: John Cleary

COVER: John Cleary

THE COVER:

A lot of these Off-Brand comics I've been handed have a heavy Rob Liefeld influence.  This one takes a swerve into the lane of the OTHER 90's mega-influential artist. . .Todd McFarlane.  I've sort of been wondering when I was going to see some McFarlane-style covers.  When you have a pile of 90's comics, it's only a matter of time.

The Spawn is strong with this one, especially in the Violator looking creature at the bottom.  I like the colors here, everything is nicely-detailed, and the logo is great!  Yeah, you have to look twice to make sure it's not a Spawn comic, but it's not too bad, for what it is.  I'm actually surprised that a 90's comic cover featuring a female hero doesn't have a giant set of boobs in my face, so extra points for that.

THE STORY:

Eons ago, the demon scribe called Scrum is tasked with creating The Necrinomicon, a book that will imbue a human host with the powers of Hell and transform them into an evil champion of Satan called The DeathAngel.

Moving forward in time to 18th Century England, we witness the forces of God led by the Archangel Raphael defeating a fallen Angel-turned DeathAngel named Susanna.  After the battle, the Necromonicon is lost in time. . .

. . .until 1997, when divers exploring the wreck of a pirate ship accidentally discover the evil book.  It destroys the Captain and crew of the ship and then steers the vessel toward New York City, where it senses a human host worthy of its power. . .

As F.B.I. Agent Rachael Killian and the the NYPD investigate the mysterious ghost ship that ended up in New York with a crew of dead men, the Necronomicon is found and taken by Killian for testing at F.B.I. headquarters.  As Rachael translates the writing in the book, she reads an intriguing passage out loud. . .AND YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!

Powerful forces rip through the unsuspecting F.B.I. agent's body as she is transformed into the half-naked warrior of Hell, The DeathAngel!  The transformation does not go unnoticed in either Heaven OR Hell.  The Demon Scrum heads to Earth to welcome Hell's newest warrior.  The Archangel Raphael heads to Earth to stop her.

Reveling in her new power, the transformed DeathAngel kills a man as he attempts to rape a woman.  The Demon Scrum berates her for the good deed, telling her that the rapist was an ally of Hell and that she shouldn't have intervened.  Rachael tells the Demon that she's not interested in serving Hell and the two engage in battle.

Raphael shows up during the battle and ends it, mocking Scrum and telling him to deliver the message to Satan that the book chose the wrong host, Rachael has the light of the Lord within her.  After the Demon leaves, swearing vengeance, Rachael agrees to join Raphael's Warriors of Light and use her new powers in the service of God.

The End.

THE REVIEW:

No.  Not good.  Pretty bad.  The McFarlane inspiration on the cover heads inside and we get basically a sort of female Spawn.  A character with the power of Hell that chooses to fight evil with the Demon Scrum basically outright imitating Spawn's Violator.  There's also some beats swiped from Witchblade thrown in for good measure, because if you're gonna grab someone else's ideas, why stop at one?

To make matters worse, this comic is poorly-written.  The dialogue is extremely wordy, repeats itself often and honestly reads like it was written by a D&D Dungeon Master testing out the unedited first draft of his novel disguised as an adventure scenario on his unsuspecting game group.

Then there's the art.  My God. . .the art.  Take a look at the page I scanned above.  Do I really need to say anything other than 22 pages of that gave me a headache?  I literally wanted not to read this comic because of that over-cluttered art.  But I ain't a quitter, son! I read the whole damn thing!

If you can stand to look closely, the individual parts of the art are actually pretty good in a "I wanna be Todd McFarlane!" way. . .but there's just so MUCH in each panel that it becomes something awful.  Say what you will about McFarlane's art, but at least he understands the concept of negative space.

Overall, what we have here is a female ripoff of Spawn with amateurish dialogue and extremely cluttered pages of eye-bleeding art. I had to take a Tylenol and relax after reading this.  Reading this comic was like some sort of mental punishment for a crime I didn't even know I committed.

THE FINAL VERDICT:

I give this one 1 out of 5 throbbing forehead veins.

CONCLUSION

I have to admit that I'm glad I'm done with this batch of Off-Brand One Shots.  This handful really sort of confirmed what I was expecting when I started this strange journey through comics and characters I'd never heard of.  Two out of Five of them are "pretty good", with two more being "pretty bad" and one being "I don't even want to read this" awful.  Even then, the "Pretty good" ones feature derivative characters and predictable stories.

Overall, I think I've finally had enough of this for now.  Even though I still have enough off-brand one shots for what WAS planned for two more entries, these five comics have made me lose my appetite.  I'll probably return to the rest of the comics I was planning on reviewing at some point, but for now I think it's time for something else.  

Up Next. . .

Let's get back into some Longbox Junk Reader Requests!

Normally, I'd pick one from the pickin' hat (a set of monogrammed Mickey ears from Disney World), but Comic Book Realm member Tenzil put forth a Christmas wish that I somehow might find it in my heart to review his fine selection at some point.  And who am I to deny someones Christmas Wish?

SO. . .

Merry Late Christmas, Tenzil! 

Next up is the Longbox Junk take on issues #1 -#6 of Valiant's "Harbinger" series.

They're in my daughter's collection and I've never read them.  Please, God. . .let them be good.

Be there or be square!

Longbox Junk - Off-Brand One Shots Part 3

Welcome back to Longbox Junk, where I write reviews of comics that nobody ever asked for!

Recently, the whole "nobody ever asked for" part has been more true than ever as I've been exploring a stack of one shot comics included in a purchase of 2 longboxes full of nothing but random NON-DC/Marvel comics.  I've gotta say. . .digging into those longboxes has definitely been a new experience in obscurity for me.  There's a LOT of stuff I never knew existed just in those two boxes of comics!

ANYWAY. . .

I've been letting my comic lovin' daughter pick the comics I review for these "Off-Brand One Shots" editions of Longbox Junk.  So far, she's done a pretty good job of mixing things up and giving me a nice variety of genres from horror to comedy and everything in between.  Let's see what she gave me this time, shall we?

THE ROCK

CHAOS! COMICS (2001)

THE PEOPLE'S COMIC BOOK!

SCRIPT: Steven Grant

PENCILS: Fabiano Neves

COVER: Photo

THE COVER:

It's a photo cover.  What can I say?  If you're a fan of Dwayne Johnson in his pro-wrestling "The Rock" persona, then this is probably an awesome picture worthy of being part of some sort of shrine.  To me. . .it's just a picture of a younger Dwayne Johnson giving me "The People's Eyebrow".

Moving along. . .

THE STORY:
The Rock is a simple man.  A man of the people.  A man who just wants a little peace between the times he lays the smack down in the wrestling ring.  When The Rock accidentally finds himself caught between two competing illegal underground fight promoters. . .one of which has a fighter pretending to be The Rock, it's time to teach some candy asses their roles!

The Rock invades the underground fight club and shows every Jabronie that dares to step up to him what it means to look upon the glory of the most electrifying presence in sports entertainment.  After defeating all comers. . .as was ordained the moment The Rock entered the building. . .he makes the crooked promoters smell what The Rock is cooking by forcing them to end their pathetic excuse for a tournament unless they want a piece of the people's elbow.

The End.

THE REVIEW:
I have to admit that I'm not a pro wrestling fan.  That said, I had a roommate in the late 90's that was rabid about it, so I'm familiar with it through a bit of osmosis from his constantly watching it.  There's also been a few wrestlers who have broken away from the ring and into the general public consciousness, and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is probably the most successful of those, so I know him more than most wrestlers. . .and even then I'm not a big fan.  I'll watch his movies, but I don't go out of my way to see one just because he's in it.

What I'm trying to say is that I came into this comic not as a fan of The Rock, but as a comic fan who got handed a Rock comic by his daughter to review on its own merits.  I could care less about The Rock in general.

THAT SAID. . .

I liked this comic a LOT! Quite a bit more than I thought I would when I got it handed to me and I was like, "Really?"  It's the dialogue that makes this book great.  It's hilarious and over the top all the way through, from page one to page last.  Rock talking about himself in the third person and just blowing past everybody like a force of nature laser-focused on doing whatever the hell he wants to do is just FUN.  This comic is just entertaining fun from start to finish!  A very pleasant surprise.

On the art side of things, this is a pretty well drawn comic.  Not the greatest art I've ever seen, but it's good and at least it captures the likeness of the main character, which is a lot more than can be said for most licensed property comics featuring actual people (I'm looking at YOU Deep Space Nine a couple of reviews below).  There's also a great sense of motion during the action scenes.  The art here is pretty much perfectly matched with the story.

Overall, I was really surprised by how much I liked this comic.  It's fast, it's funny, it's over the top and just plain entertaining.  It's not thoughtful or deep in any way, but sometimes you just want a good simple FUN story.  This comic delivers just that.

THE VERDICT:
I give The Rock 4 out of 5 candy asses taught their roles.

A good start this time out. . .NEXT!

LADY ACTION SPECIAL

MOONSTONE (2009)

SCRIPT: Tony Lee

PENCILS: Jake Minor

COVER: Paul Gulacy

THE COVER:

I like a cover that tells a story and this cover tells me that there's a Lady and there's gonna be some Action!  I have no idea who Lady Action is, but without even opening this comic I can tell that her kind of action involves guns, fast cars, and possibly some sort of kinky uniform-oriented shenanigans when it's all said and done.  I like this cover a lot.  It's not the greatest comic cover I've ever seen (her face and gun hand both look a little strange), but it's nicely done and lets you know what you're in for with one image.

THE STORY:

Nicola Sinclair (AKA Lady Action), an agent of the British A.C.T.I.O.N. Directorate, infiltrates the mansion of crime lord "El Caso" during an exclusive party.  With the assistance of an American A.C.T.I.O.N. agent named Adam, she successfully hacks into El Caso's private computer files and discovers that he has information that only A.C.T.I.O.N. should have.

Nicola's fears of a traitor are proven correct when El Caso and a group of his armed bodyguards arrive to take the British agent prisoner and Adam shows up with them and admits that he's working with El Caso.  As the criminals discuss how to execute her, Nicola causes an explosion and flees the mansion with El Caso's men in hot pursuit.

Lady Action grabs a motorcycle and leads El Caso's men on a running gun battle chase through the surrounding woods.  Nicola encounters Adam and tries to regain the flash drive with El Caso's files on it, but the American Double Agent shoots and kills Nicola as El Caso hovers overhead in a helicopter.

EPILOGUE: Two weeks later Nicola and Adam meet in a Texas diner.  The information theft was a distraction and her death was faked so that Adam could infiltrate deeper into El Caso's organization.  

Adam gives Nicola the information the British Branch was REALLY looking for, gained by El Caso's trust in Adam.  Shortly after Nicola leaves with the files, Adam is shot in the head by one of El Caso's assassins and El Caso is informed that Lady Action is alive and has the stolen information.

To be continued. . .

THE REVIEW:

Not bad.  Not bad at all!  This is a fast-paced, well-written "infiltrate and escape" spy story with a (somewhat predictable, to be honest) double twist.  It makes me want to know what happens next.  That said, even though it's a good story, it's not perfect.

This is firmly connected to the continuity of the Moonstone Captain Action series, so there are quite a few references to characters and events that have taken place "off stage".  There is an assumption that if you're reading Lady Action, then you already know vital Captain Action-related information. . .like what the hell A.C.T.I.O.N. is in the first place! (I had to wiki up and discover that it's sort of like the Mission Impossible Force, but their main enemy are aliens who have infiltrated the world's governments) In other words, there is NO background information here.  This story hits the ground running and stays that way to the end.

On the art side, I like this style a lot.  It has heavy lines, chunky forms, and is just slightly exaggerated with nice bold colors and a great sense of movement.  It's a perfect fit for a fast-moving story like this.  Like a lot of these "Off Brand One Shots" there's a lot more effort and detail put into the female figure than anything else.  This isn't QUITE as boob-tastic as some of them, but you can definitely tell what the artist's favorite thing to draw was.

Overall, I liked this comic a lot.  It has a fun, fast-paced spy story backed up with some good art.  There's no background material, so there's references that don't register well with a new reader like myself, and it has a "to be continued" ending, but that didn't stop me from enjoying this little story.

THE VERDICT:

I give Lady Action 4 out of 5 menacing gunmen.

Two good ones in a row! Let's see if we can keep this going.  NEXT!

STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE NINE -

LIGHTSTORM

MALIBU (1994)

LIGHTSTORM

SCRIPT: Mark Altman

PENCILS: Rob Davis

COVER: Rob Davis

THE COVER:

*Sigh* This again?  Why do you keep doing this to me, Star Trek?

I'm a HUGE Star Trek fan, but Star Trek comics (especially those from the 80's and 90's) have pretty much consistently disappointed me with their art.  It seems like the built-in audience and sales for Star Trek comics leads to a "Minimum Effort" standard.  This cover is no exception.  It's okay. . .but it doesn't look like the artist put any more work into it than he absolutely had to.  And when I see the interiors were done by the same guy, it doesn't give me much confidence.  Here's hoping that at least the story is good.

THE STORY:

After the newly-established Federation colony Gakora in the Gamma Quadrant comes under attack by an unknown enemy, the Klingon cruiser A'v Wi, under the command of Captain Krol, answers the distress call, but finds the colony destroyed and only one human survivor.  Krol decides to take the comatose survivor to the closest Federation base, Deep Space Nine.

Captain Krol is determined to find and destroy the attackers, while Katha, the Imperial Adjunct aboard the A'v Wi, insists on a more diplomatic first contact with the mysterious aliens.  Deep Space Nine Commander Sisko agrees and asks to join the Klingons, along with his science officer, Dax.

Shortly after entering the Gakora system, the Klingon cruiser is attacked, but the attacking ships are technologically inferior and pose little threat.  After opening communication, the alien commander seems to recognize the Klingons as allies and thinks that the humans he sees are prisoners.  He offers to guide the confused Klingon Captain to their base.

After arriving at the alien homeworld and meeting their ruler, Malek, Sisko and Dax are imprisoned and scheduled for execution.  Adjunct Katha and Captain Kol demand an explanation and are told that humans are the enemy of the Myvock people because they violated the ancient holy ground of the planet Gakora.  Katha and Kol become more confused as Malek tells them that he was informed by other Klingons that the alliance between the Federation and Klingon Empire had collapsed.

IN THE MEANTIME. . .

On Deep Space Nine, the human survivor of the Gakora colony regains consciousness and informs Dr. Bashir that after the attack, when the aliens were slaughtering the survivors, they were accompanied by two female Klingons who Bashir realizes match the description of Lursa and B'etor. . .dangerous Klingon sisters who have constantly attempted to erode the Federation/ Klingon alliance.  Doctor Bashir and Chief O'Brien volunteer to travel to Gakora and try to warn Sisko and Dax.

On the Myvock homeworld, Captain Kol and Katha are introduced to Hernai. . .the Myvock military commander who led the attack on Gakora.  Hernai is determined that the execution of Sisko and Dax be carried out as quickly as possible.  Kol and Katha arrange a secret meeting with the humans to tell them that they will not allow them to be executed.  Katha reveals that she's actually a Klingon intelligence agent trying to track down the Klingon sisters Lursa and B'etor and prevent them from selling explosives to Bajoran terrorists.

On Gakora, Bashir and O'Brien are almost immediately captured by Lursa and B'etor while back on the Myvock homeworld, Sisko, Dax, Kol, and Katha confront Malek and inform him that he's being used by Klingon terrorists.  Commander Hernai interrupts and they are all taken prisoner and scheduled for immediate execution, along with Bashir and Dax. . .which reveals that Hernai is working with Lursa and B'etor.  

The Klingon cruiser transports the prisoners out of danger, and they quickly head for Gakora.  Following a battle in mines beneath Gakora, Lursa and B'etor make their escape.  Hernai reveals to Malek that he allowed the sisters to mine beneath their holy ground in exchange for technology to improve their weapons. Malek removes him from military command.  Katha goes in pursuit of Lursa and B'etor while Sisko and Malek make peace between the Myvock and Humans.

The End.

THE REVIEW:

Well now. . .that's a lot of story!  And it's pretty well condensed too.  I left out a couple of sub-plots (Doctor Bashir and the Klingon First Officer Koleth's friendship, for one example.  The simmering conflict between Captain Kol and Katha for command of the Klingon ship is another) and there's STILL eight paragraphs.  So yeah. . .this double-sized comic is definitely on the dialogue-heavy side.

The good news is that the story is very well done.  The writer (who is a pretty prolific author and screenwriter. . .including a two-volume 50 year history of Star Trek) very accurately captures the voices and personalities of the Deep Space Nine characters in such a way that this comic reads like it could EASILY be the script for a Deep Space Nine episode set in the first season of the show.  You can almost feel where the commercial breaks are supposed to go!  This is great read for Deep Space Nine fans like myself.

Unfortunately. . .there's the art.

Once again, a Star Trek comic fumbles the ball with the art.  It's clunky and uninspired from cover to last page.  The artist mostly fails to capture the likeness of the T.V. characters and backgrounds are minimal to non-existent.  There's just a feeling that not much effort was put into this. . .which is a damn shame, considering the really good writing.  With a little more effort on the art, this COULD have been a great comic. 

Overall, this comic is the definition of conflicted.  On one hand, you have a good story that absolutely captures the essence and voices of established Deep Space Nine characters and reads like a "Lost Episode" of the first season of the series.  On the other hand, you have clunky, uninspired art that demonstrates a "minimum effort" standard that is just one notch away from being outright bad. 

THE VERDICT:

I'll give this one a half and half score of 3 out of 5 bowls of Gagh (served live, of course)

AND FINALLY. . .

ENTER THE ZOMBIE

ANTARCTIC PRESS (2010)

ZOMBIES OF SHAOLIN

SCRIPT: Fred Perry & Robby Bevard

PENCILS: Ben Dunn

COVER: Brian Denham

THE COVER: 

I wish I'd had this comic when I was pulling covers for my Halloween comic display on my office "Wall O' Covers".  It's chaotic and crazy in a good way.  I like the colors a lot, especially the plain green background that really sets everything against it quite nicely.  The gigantic nasty smile on the featured Kung Fu zombie is creepy and hilarious at the same time!  It's not the greatest comic cover I've ever seen, but I like it!

THE STORY:

A talented but impatient young American Shaolin trainee is denied the chance to take the initiation test.  His master explains that decades of training lie in front of the young man before he can take the test. After learning the location of a hidden forbidden chamber on the Temple grounds, the student becomes convinced it holds the secrets of martial arts mastery he needs to take the initiation test.

Disobeying the command of his Master to not disturb the chamber, the student opens the sealed door and accidentally unleashes 36 evil, undead spirits that quickly begin to possess the rest of the students in the Temple. . .turning them into Kung Fu Zombies!

A friendly guardian spirit also released from the chamber informs the student that only HE can return the evil spirits to the chamber, because he was the one who released them.  The student gathers his courage and sets off to prove that he's worthy!

After fighting his way through the possessed students to come to his teacher's aid, the student is surprised to find that his Master had used him to open the chamber's seal and betray the Shaolin Temple to the evil spirits.  The battle between them is short and the student is easily defeated, but the Guardian Spirit infuses the student with the power of the SENTAI SHAOLIN TIGER!  

Transforming into a heroic, armored figure, the empowered student defeats his former Master and the rest of the evil spirits before changing back into a powerless young man.  The Guardian Spirit tells him that he is now the Guardian of the Secret Chamber.

Years later, the student has become the teacher.  A young, impatient student of his discovers the location of the Secret Chamber. . .

The End?

THE REVIEW:

Not bad.  Not bad at all!  This is an extremely fast-reading and stripped-down story that moves quickly from Point A to Point B to Point C without anything to slow it down.  This is a lean story that is over before you know it.  I literally finished this comic in five minutes.

But even though this is an extremely simple and action-heavy story, I liked it.  It's quick and entertaining.  It's not a great story.  It might not even be good, when you think about it.  It's like comic book junk food.  You know it's not really great, but before you know it, you're done with the whole thing and you sort of want some more.

Ben Dunn is actually an artist I like a lot.  I'm always happy to see his name on a comic.  I appreciate his (and Antarctic) bringing the Manga style to an American audience.  It's not my favorite style, but I like it in small doses now and then.  This is a pretty straightforward, no-frills example of that American Manga style.  It helps the fast-paced story move quickly across the page, and it's very nicely done.  

Overall, this is pretty much what I call a "junk food comic".  Sure, there's better comics out there, but sometimes you just want a little bit of fun entertainment that might not be what other people would call great, but screw those people.  Not everything has to be great.  This is just a fast-paced, fun little story.  Nothing more, nothing less.

THE VERDICT:

I'll give this one 4 out of 5 poorly-dubbed episodes of One Piece.

CONCLUSION

Well now. . .THAT was an unexpected surprise.  This handful of "Off-Brand One Shots" my daughter gave me was actually pretty darn good!  Except for the extremely weak art on Deep Space Nine (But that's par for the course on almost ANY 80's or 90's Star Trek comic, to be fair) there's not much bad to say about any of these.  That doesn't happen very often.  

Up Next. . .

Plenty more Off-Brand One Shots in the pile. 

Let's see what my daughter hands me next!

Be there or be square.

Longbox Junk - Off-Brand One Shots Part 2

Welcome back to Longbox Junk, the place to find all the comic reviews that nobody ever asked for!

This time out, I'm going to take a look at another handful of one shot issues that were included with my recent purchase of a massive pile (about 600 issues) of non-DC/Marvel comics.  I've let my daughter pick the ones to review, and I have to say that I was a little disappointed with what she gave me last time.

I'm crossing my fingers for better luck with this batch. . .so enough introduction, let's get right into it!

NITROGEN

Arcade Comics (2005)

SCRIPT: Rob Liefeld & Brandon Thomas

PENCILS: Jon Malin

COVER: Jon Malin

THE COVER:

Hmmm. . .okay.  Not bad.  Not great, but it's pretty good in that signature "in your face" 90's-Tastic way.  Rob Liefeld is the writer on this one and not the artist, but I can definitely see his influence here in all the straps, spikes, giant guns and all around shiny metal look of things. . .as well as in the general composition and posing of the characters.  This cover simply screams "THE 90'S!!" at me. 

Wait.  What?  This comic isn't from the 90's, it's from 2005? Ohhhhhh. . .okay then.  My mistake. Ha-Ha! You got me!  Heh. . .heh.  *sigh*  Let's take a look inside.

THE STORY:

The Nitros, a team of young superpowered heroes, have rebelled against the morals of the past generation of heroes that taught them to use their powers for the good of humanity.  Instead they have embraced the path of power and follow the commands of hero-turned villain Zang.

Under Zang's ruthless leadership, the younger generation uses their intimate knowledge of the older heroes to easily defeat them. . .but in their overconfidence, they don't understand that there were things that the older generation never taught them or told them about because they were too dangerous.

One of the few remaining heroes of the past uses this knowledge and desperately opens a hole in the time-space continuum through which a horde of strange beings come through to confront the young rebels.

The End. . .to be continued?

THE REVIEW:

As I read this comic, I was struck by the similarities between it and "Jupiter's Legacy", by Mark Millar and Frank Quitely. . .which came out 8 years after this in 2013.  The resemblance is mostly in the subject of a younger generation of heroes turning against their mentors, and Jupiter's Legacy is a superior look at the subject, but I still found it pretty interesting to see a Rob Liefeld-written version of Jupiter's Legacy that came out a decade earlier.

THAT SAID. . .

Rob Liefeld isn't exactly known for his great writing, and he's certainly no Mark Millar.  The writing on this isn't great. It's not awful, but it's not great. It's just sort of "pretty good".  Reading this will take you right back to the 90's like it's a paper time machine.  People shout about their powers to each other in the middle of fights, for example.

I have to admit that the plot itself was pretty interesting if you can look past all the shouting, but even though it ends on a "To Be Continued" note, this is it.  It seems to be the first issue of an unfinished project.  Sort of a shame because there's actually some potential to be good here.

As far as the art goes. . .it's even more of a trip back to the 90's "We want to be like Marvel!" Image team books than the writing.  Rob Liefeld isn't given any art credit here, but he probably should have been for inspiration alone!

Like the cover, Liefeld's influence is all over the place in the exaggerated proportions, overly-elaborate costumes, spiky hair, and constantly-exposed teeth of the characters. The pages are so cluttered with action that it's sometimes hard to keep track of what's going on.  The art is actually well done for what it is.  Simply put it's 90's-Tastic in every good AND bad way that it can be. 

Overall, I actually enjoyed this one.  It's not the best-written comic ever, but it does have a decent premise, some nice 90's-style art, and the potential to be a good story.  Unfortunately, this is all there is of it, so there's really no way to see where it went.

THE VERDICT:

I'll give this one 3 out of 5 costumes with useless straps and gigantic shoulder pads.

NEXT!

MASTER DARQUE

Valiant (1998)

SCRIPT: Christina Z.

PENCILS: Leonardo Manco

COVER: Leonardo Manco

THE COVER:

I'm a big fan of Leonardo Manco's art, and seeing his name on the cover of this makes me very happy. . .BUT. . .this cover isn't his best work.  It's dark and muddled and the main character's face just looks strange.  There's a lot of wasted space in the frame and logo area. This isn't the kind of cover that makes me want to buy a comic book. I hope whatever's inside is better. Let's check it out!

THE STORY:
When a desperate young man seeks aid from the mysterious Alexandre Darque to save his dying mother, he is taken on a nightmarish and dangerous journey to the darkest edges of the Valiant Universe to retrieve three artifacts.

Unfortunately, even though his mother is saved, he learns that he was just a pawn in Darque's twisted games.  The artifacts he risked his sanity for weren't to save his mother at all, but to give Darque a glimpse into the future end of the world and what part Alexandre Darque will play in it.

The End. . .to be continued.

THE REVIEW:
Like Nitrogen above, I was actually reminded of another story while reading this hefty double-sized issue.  This time it was DC's 1990 Books of Magic mini-series, where fledgling magician Timothy Hunter is led through the occult side of the DC Universe by characters like John Constantine and Phantom Stranger, with cameos of various other DC mystic characters along the way.

The mysterious, mystical, self-serving title character resembles John Constantine in a very obvious way (even in appearance).  The resemblance is barely copyright-dodging enough that this could have EASILY been a Hellblazer comic as Darque leads an unsuspecting young man through mystical realms and meets characters like Shadowman, The Eternal Warrior, and Turok.

Setting aside the very obvious. . .I'll kindly call them "influences". . . this isn't a bad story at all.  Like Books of Magic, it serves as a good introduction to the dark corners of Valiant's recently (at the time) rebooted universe through the eyes of a relatable non-powered character.  The ending makes it clear that there is a lot more to the tale (there was a follow-up 4 issue series called Darque Passages), but despite that, this is a complete and pretty enjoyable story in itself.

When talking about the cover above, I mentioned that I'm a fan of Leonardo Manco's art, but that the cover was disappointing.  The good news is that the interior art here is simply amazing!  Manco's signature darkly-inked and supremely-detailed style is definitely the star of THIS show, and (in my extremely humble opinion) is reason enough alone to pick this comic up!  Just look at the awesome full-pager above and know that Manco was the PERFECT artist for a story like this.

Overall, even though the story is highly derivative of Books of Magic and the main character is a discount version of John Constantine, I liked this issue for the guided tour through the dark side of the Valiant Universe.  Throw in some fantastic artwork that fits the mystical and sometimes horrific story perfectly and this one's a winner!

THE VERDICT:

I'll give this one 4 out of 5 copyright-dodging differences.

NEXT!

SHOTGUN MARY:

SON OF THE BEAST

Antarctic Press (1997)

SCRIPT: Miki (Miljenko) Horvatic

PENCILS: Esad Ribic

COVER: Esad Ribic

THE COVER:

Yep. . .there it is, front and center, folks. The Boo-Tay! 

I actually like this cover quite a bit for the way the main character is contrasted against a plain background.  I've always liked covers that use this method.  Shotgun Mary is nicely-painted and detailed as well. I also like the unusual pose of her looking over her shoulder.  I'd let this one take a turn on my rotating "Wall O' Covers" on my office wall at work, but I don't feel like having to go to an awkward HR appointment to talk about it.

BONUS: Good News! I seem to have come into an extremely-limited "Gold Seal" Variant of this comic, of which I am now the proud owner of 1 of only 100 copies out there!  The bad news is that nobody cares and it's still not worth a damn (less than 10 bucks). *sigh*  Moving along. . .

THE STORY:

Renegade former Warrior Nun "Shotgun" Mary Delacroix follows a trail of victims with their hearts torn out into the desolate desert after learning that the sacrificial murders are meant to attract her attention.  After purposely walking into a demon's trap, Mary is offered a chance to join the forces of hell.  She declines with a combination of faith and firepower, defeating the demon and moving on to the next target in her lonely mission. . .

The End.

THE REVIEW:

I'm familiar with Shotgun Mary from Antarctic's "Warrior Nun" comics, and I generally like the character.  She's a bit derivative of Marvel's Punisher, but with a Catholic religious angle that sets her against demons instead of criminals.  

This one shot puts Mary in full violent "Religious Punisher" mode in a fast-reading, action-heavy story that moves from point A to B to C very quickly and without any background material at all. . .so this one is NOT for new readers, but for existing fans.  If you don't already know what Shotgun Mary is about, this ain't the place to start.  

That said, despite the extremely thin story, I liked this quite a bit.  It's fast. . .it's simple. . .it's not deep or complicated.  It's Shotgun Mary purposely walking into a trap in order to kill a demon.  That's it.  Sometimes you just want a simple story and this one shot serves up just that.

On the art side of things, I was pleasantly surprised to find this to be a fully-painted comic.  I'm a bit more used to Manga-Style artwork in Antarctic comics. . .especially their earlier offerings from the 90's.  The art here is nicely-detailed and richly-colored.  It's not the BEST painted art I've ever seen, but it looks great and definitely takes the issue up a notch in quality.

Overall, this is a fast-paced and simple page-turner with some unusual (for Antarctic) painted art.  As an existing fan of the main character, I liked it quite a bit.  If you're not familiar with Shotgun Mary, this isn't a great introduction.

THE VERDICT:

I'll give this one 4 out of 5 scorched Rosary Beads.

AND FINALLY. . .

LITA FORD

Rock-It Comix (1993)

THE QUEEN OF HEAVY METAL

SCRIPT: Lita Ford, Laurel Fishman & Roland Mann

PENCILS: Jim Balent

COVER: Jim Balent

THE COVER:

Allrighty, then! It's a nicely painted depiction of 80's rocker Lita Ford proudly showing off the OTHER two reasons she's famous beyond her ONE hit song! Okay, two songs. . .if you count her sappy duet with Ozzy Osbourne where he's singing like he's reluctantly paying up on a lost bet.

I have to admit that this IS a pretty damn metal cover.  Too bad Lita Ford ain't metal. Still, I'm liking  all the skulls and the general throwback album cover look of it. Wait. . .is that a goddamn WIENER DOG bottom left? What the hell?

BONUS: 

Good news! My copy of this comic is signed by writer Roland Mann. 

Bad News! A signed copy of this comic STILL isn't worth crap!

THE STORY:

Shortly before a concert at Madison Square Garden, rocker Lita Ford breaks her guitar but is given a new one by a mysterious stranger who claims the guitar has unusual powers.  In the meantime, Libby Snore. . .head of the P.M.R.C. and wife of Congressman Al Snore. . .is plotting to destroy the sinful Lita Ford at the very same concert.

As Lita and her band take the stage, Libby Snore uses black magic to open a gate to hell, releasing demons that possess her Young Republican followers. . .who attack the band and their fans.  As the demons attack, Lita's guitar transforms her into a heavy metal super-hero!

Using her new powers, Lita is able to defeat the Young Republican Demons and confront Libby Snore, forcing her to close the gate to hell.  Lita transforms back to her regular self and Libby Snore promptly has her arrested for starting a riot.  Lita's manager bails her out of jail and we are assured that the story hasn't ended yet.

The End. . .to be continued?

THE REVIEW:

Oh Lawd.  What the hell did I just read? 

I don't even know where to begin with just how bad this is, but here goes. 

At the heart of it, this is less of a story and more of a protest rant against the PMRC, which (for anyone under the age of 45 reading this) was an organization started in 1985 by Elizabeth (Libby) Gore that is responsible for those "Parental Advisory" labels that still adorn album covers today and the main censorship supervillain for heavy metal and rap music at the time.  

The PMRC is practically forgotten today, except in some songs from the era protesting it and relics like this comic.  But at the time, it was a pretty big deal complete with congressional hearings and all the associated hoopla censorship generally garners when it rears its ugly head in the US of A.

In other words, this is a comic that is stuck so firmly in a specific political moment in time that it's practically unreadable today.  It doesn't help that even if it wasn't a heavy-handed censorship protest thinly disguised as a comic book, it's very poorly written.  The "plot" is forced to fit the message instead of writing the story around the message in a more natural way.

Things happen for no reason except to address specific points of PMRC censorship, so the whole thing just feels forced and preachy. . .which is just strange for something that's supposedly AGAINST an organization that's forced and preachy!  

To make matters worse, unless you're someone who even REMEMBERS the PMRC, what little narrative drive this comic does have will be completely meaningless because all that's left of the PMRC are those little parental advisory stickers.

As far as the art goes. . .it's okay.  It tells the story, but beyond a hard focus on Lita Ford's mostly-naked body, there's nothing remarkable about it.  It's not the worst art I've ever seen, but it certainly doesn't try too hard either.  

Overall, this comic book is a sort of embarrassing relic of the time.  It features a one hit wonder fighting against a censorship organization that nobody cares about today and leans pretty heavily on being full of pictures of a scantily-clad woman drawn in an extremely average way.  Just read Red Sonja instead. . .at least you usually get a decent story that doesn't preach at you along with your sexy pictures. 

Beyond the story, there's a pretty extensive interview with Lita Ford that's actually pretty interesting, as well as a discography. . .who knew she had enough songs to fill not one, but TWO "greatest hits" albums?  So if you're a Lita Ford fan, you might get some extra mileage out of this.  But if you just grab this from the bargain bin because of the boob-tastic cover and expect a good story or great art, you're gonna be pretty disappointed.

THE VERDICT:

I give this one 1 out of 5 spiky leather bras.

CONCLUSION

Hoo-Boy.  My daughter gave me a mixed bag with this batch!  

I'd say the theme this time was reading one thing and being reminded of another.  From Nitrogen being a 90's-Tastic Liefeld version of Jupiter's Legacy, to Master Darque being THIS close to being a Valiant version of Books of Magic starring a bargain bin John Constantine, to Shotgun Mary basically being a Religious Female version of The Punisher that kills demons instead of criminals.  

Of the four, I'd say my favorite was Master Darque.  Yeah. . .it's really close to being a straight up copy of Books of Magic, but that Leonardo Manco art though!  The worst was Lita Ford.  It's amazing just HOW bad that comic is.  But that one bad apple aside, the other three were actually decent reads.

Up Next. . .

God only knows what my daughter will give me next.  

MORE off-brand one shots!

Be there or be square.