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I've had a nice, long weekend, but it's time to get back to some Longbox Junkin'!
We've been having a nice little Halloween party so far here at Longbox Junk. Had some nice little fun-sized pieces of horror goodness in our little pumpkin buckets, courtesy of some 1980s horror anthology comics.
How about we do one more before moving on to something different? After all, the great part of trick or treat loot is digging in and finding something unexpected. But until then, let's see what Charlton has to offer in the way of anthology horror, shall we?
WE SHALL!
BEYOND THE GRAVE #11
Charlton (1983)
COVER: Mitch O'Connell
THE COVER:
Now THAT'S a great Halloween cover! I love a cover that tells a story in a single image, and this is a fine example. The creepy feeling of not being alone in the house is beautifully illustrated in a clean, classic comic style. VERY nice! Let's get inside.
THE STORIES:
Three stories here. There's some pretty good names in the credits, too. Unfortunately all the stories are reprints. I didn't realize that until I spotted Doctor Graves just sort of hanging around in the second story for no reason, and distinctly remembered reading the third story before from my run of Haunted Love. I had to go back and edit the story credits.
Anyway. . .Let's do this!
Not For Sale
*Originally featured in Ghostly Tales #117
SCRIPT: Joe Gill
PENCILS: Charles Nicholas
INKS: Wayne Howard
Philip Colby is a man with a problem. He's left a successful Real Estate agency to start his own business, but the only house he has for sale is haunted!
Determined to make a name for himself in Real Estate, he decides to stay in the house until it can be sold. He'll show those frightened townfolk that he ain't scared of no ghost!
It's not long before spooky stuff starts happening! He discovers the diary of a woman who died in the house. . .Evangeline Brimm. A young lady who died at 22 years old of a broken heart after her fiance was killed during the Spanish-American War.
He decides to go ahead and sleep in Evangeline's bedroom, indeed, upon the very bed where she died! Philip hears her voice, and even sees the ghostly form of Evangeline herself. But he's not scared. He carries on a conversation with her and the two of them hit it off quite nicely.
The next day, a beautiful woman who looks strangely familiar visits Philip's office. She tells him she's very interested in buying the old Brimm Estate and she won't take no for an answer.
They visit the house together. As they move through the rooms, Philip suddenly realizes that this is Evangeline! They quickly decide to live together and seal the deal with a kiss. Now THAT'S romance!
THE REVIEW:
Not a great start. This story is frankly a bit ridiculous. A ghost trapped in the house she died in suddenly takes human form through the awesome power of love? There's no ghost rules here! She's been dead over a hundred years, but can take on the form of a hot Bronze Age comic girl? All for the love of a guy she met the night before?
I'm not sure how it works in comic book world, but how is the actual owner of the house going to take the Real Estate agent just deciding to live there with some woman? Evangeline can't be the owner of the house. Who put it up for sale? Not her.
The art has a nice, clean Bronze Age style to it, but that's about the only good thing about this story. The whole damn thing is nothing but a series of weird plot holes. I just wasted 5 minutes of my life reading this story, and then another 10 minutes writing about it.
Moving along.
The Cure
*Originally featured in The Many Ghosts of Dr. Graves #22
SCRIPT: Joe Gill
PENCILS: Steve Ditko
INKS: Steve Ditko
183 years ago, Lucas Morton was in extreme pain. Doctor Phineas Robb was summoned and, despite his best efforts, was unable to save Morton, who died vowing eternal revenge against Robb and all his descendants!
FAST FORWARD TO THE PRESENT DAY. . .
Ellen and her Aunt Andrea, distant relatives of Lucas Morton, decide to make their home in the old Morton Estate, despite it's reputation as being haunted. A reputation that seems well-deserved when the two women repeatedly encounter the ghost of Lucas Morton, moaning in pain and generally being a cantankerous old spectral pest. Ellen decides to do something about it. . .
Ellen does a bit of research and heads to the local hospital, where a Doctor Robb is in residence. . .a distant ancestor of the very Doctor Robb who failed Lucas Morton almost two hundred years before.
Ellen asks Doctor Robb to come to the Estate and see what he can do. Robb agrees. At the Estate, the disgruntled ghost attacks the doctor, but he ain't scared of no ghost! He's done some research through Phineas Robb's journals and thinks he's diagnosed what was ailing Lucas Morton all those years ago.
Doctor Robb confronts the grumpy ghost and knocks him out with some gas! While the ghost is unconscious, he forces some medication down his throat. . .medication for the severe bleeding ulcer he's diagnosed the spirit of Lucas Morton is suffering from.
With Lucas Morton's pain relived, Ellen and Doctor Robb turn to more important matters. . .romance! And the two of them lived happily ever after, with the now-cured ghost of Lucas Morton watching over them.
The End.
THE REVIEW:
What was THAT? The doctor just gasses a ghost and gives it a pill to make it feel better? What kind of "I gotta pay the bills" low effort story is THAT? Do Charlton "horror" comics not have any rules for their ghosts?
Normally you wouldn't be able to feed a ghost pills (or for that matter, knock them unconscious with gas) because it's generally accepted in ghostly literature that a ghost DOESN'T HAVE A GODDAMN BODY! IT'S A SPIRIT! You can't give a spirit pills!
Like the first story, the art is decent. . .but it's not even close to being Steve Ditko's best work. It also has the same whiff of "The bills ain't gonna pay themselves" about it as the writing does. But even so, it's still the best part of THIS craptastic story.
After the first two clunkers I am NOT confident in what the third story here holds.
But I ain't a quitter, son!
Let's do it.
Curse of the Byrnwyres
*Originally featured in Haunted Love #5
SCRIPT: Nicola Cuti
PENCILS: Joe Staton
INKS: Joe Staton
Susan Murphy decides it's time to take an old college friend up on his repeated invitations to come stay a while at his New England Estate.
Upon her arrival at the creepy Byrnwyre Estate, the spooky stuff immediately begins when she's greeted with a chilling bestial howl coming from the highest tower of the old mansion. . .
After reuniting with her friend, Emil Byrnwyr, he informs Susan that the strange noises are his brother, Nathan. He's locked in the tower and suffering from the "Curse of the Byrnwyres". But not to worry, everyone in his family is used to it, and she will be too!
After meeting Emil's mother and sister, Sonya, Susan settles in for a nice night of terror!
Later, she's wandering the corridors of the mansion when she spots Emil heading upstairs. He tells her that he's going to feed Nathan and she decides to tag along.
She asks why the family keeps Nathan locked up like an animal and Emil tells her to take a look for herself. She opens the door and a hideous wolf-man jumps at her!
THAT will teach Susan to mind her own damn business!
Understandably shaken by her quick encounter with a howling man-wolf, Susan heads downstairs with Emil for some dinner instead of running out of the house like a person with some sense.
Something something family history, Emil changes into a fairly calm werewolf right there at the dinner table, Susan tells him that he's not actually a Brynwyre and was adopted and his mother has hypnotized him into becoming a werewolf so that she can perform experiments on him and save her REAL son, Nathan.
Susan UN-hypnotizes Emil and they leave the estate together after sternly reprimanding his mother who wasn't really his mother for wanting to do experiments on him. Thank God this stupid story is over with.
The End.
THE REVIEW:
My God. I thought the first two stories were pretty bad. They're masterpieces of fine literature compared to this one. I don't even know where to start. You know what? I'm not even going to do this.
This story is bad.
And like the great Huey Lewis told the world in 1983. . .sometimes bad is bad.
Joe Staton's art here is just okay, but it's not nearly enough to save this steaming turd. The best part of this story was that it ended, so I didn't have to read any more of it.
CONCLUSION
*sigh*
I guess they can't ALL be winners. But why do the losers have to lose SO hard? Of the four comics I've reviewed for this year's Longbox Junk Halloween party, this one was the worst.
This comic is sort of like going to someone's house Trick or Treating. You're expecting some candy, but the person is concerned about all the sugar you're going to be chowing down on when you're done. . .so they drop a toothbrush into your little plastic pumpkin bucket and smugly close the door in your face, satisfied with their good deed. In the meantime, you've got a goddamn TOOTHBRUSH.
That's the feeling of disappointment this comic gives me. It's a toothbrush.
There are only two REALLY good things about this comic book. The first is that outstanding cover. The second is that I'm done reviewing it. I ain't a quitter, but I'm also glad to be through with it.
Up Next. . .
The little bite-sized pieces of horror found in anthology comics are fun, but let's head on over to the neighborhood where they're handing out the full candy bars, shall we? Let's go!
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